I really regret having my daughter

[ashymo]

every day I wake up and just wish it was a bad dream I could wake up from . I hate the responsibility and how I feel like it's just me who's responsible for her. I take her into work with me in my salon and she is usually OK but I do find it hard sometimes when im trying to work and she's kicking off . she is a fairly good baby and I do love her but I can't help feeling like if I had the chance to go back in time and not have her I definitely would . I hate my husband too and just want to leave them both and just live my life . I feel miserable all the time like what is the point in all this its absolute s**t I had it good before having her and loved my freedom and now I've gone and completely ruined my life. everything in my brain is just telling me to run far far away from both of them .

How old is she?

What support do you have?

that sounds like you have things really tough at the moment. How old is DD? Why is it that you hate DH? Is it because he doesn't pull his weight with looking after DD? x

Have you spoken to your health visitor, it sounds like you’re not bonding and if maybe pnd.

Massive hug.

You need to phone a helpline tonight and talk to someone about how you’re feeling.

Then in the morning Google IAPT services in the local area and refer yourself in, and contact your GP about how you’re feeling.

Once you’ve got some support in place you can think about what to do in terms of your marriage and splitting childcare.

Does it? It sounds more like the reality of parenting has kicked in and she's resentful of the responsibility.

A lot of people regret having children. It's not always PND.

Do you think you might have postnatal depression? It’s not a usual reaction to a baby. Speak to your GP.

You can’t really work and look after a baby at the same time

Isn't it quite normal to feel like moving to another country and changing your name? I feel like it frequently!

How old is your baby? Hating your partner after kids is normal because largely their life goes unchanged whilst yours seems to have been ripped apart by the birth of your child.

I love my kids, I’d lay down my life and anyone else’s for them but if I could go back in time I’d don’t know that I’d make the same decision and have kids. Your feelings are valid and it’s a huge adjustment that no one can prepare you for.

It does eventually get physically easier, I’ve even managed a holiday with friends this year.

You’ve got too much in your plate, working while looking after baby. You need childcare in some form while you are working. Do you have any other support?

I remember feeling like this, and I had childcare when working. This too will pass. But get some help - childcare, husband and you to share load at weekends etc

You're bound to feel stressed trying to work and taking care of the baby at the same time with no help. Are you able to do things differently in any way re work?

I hope you’re ok. It is such a hard adjustment. I struggled massively with the lack of sleep, and me and DH didn’t get on well at all for the first year. Both tired and grumpy.

Why in the world are you taking a baby to a salon while you work? On what planet is that a good idea?

Hope you are OK. It's tough working and having kids💐

How old is the baby?
Do you have anytime away from her to be just be yourself again?
I think taking her to your salon if youre working is bound to make you torn in two so childcare would be a better option, I assume DH doesn't take baby to work?!
Adjusting to parenthood is hard and takes time.
I found it hard too, DC1 was a colicky baby, I didn't know what had hit me and I can remember feeling what the hell have I done! I want my life back.
Is DHs life continuing without much disruption? i e going out to work, continuing hobbies and perhaps not doing night feeds? If so that can make you feel its just your life that's been turned upside down.
If this is the case he needs to step up more and you need to try and carve out some time for yourself even 30 mins a day to shut yourself in the bathroom for a relaxing bath or to go out for a walk/ run.
I found getting into a routine helps as does meeting other new mums.
But see your GP/ health visitor if you are feeling really low.
It does get better honest !

Agree with PP. You need childcare. Some distance while you are at work is not only practical and safer it will make the time you do spend with your baby more special as you won't be worried about her while at work. (btw good for you for being a working mum!)

You need to stop taking the baby to work.

I am a mental health nurse ...

For your well-being and the well-being of your child please contact your GP in the morning and ask for an urgent appointment.

shes 7 weeks old . I had moments when I was pregnant where I didn't want her even though she was planned . I just have my husband really as his mum is elderly and has bad arthritis so can't really help with care even though she would like too .im from Australia so all my family are back there. I absolutely could not sit at home with a baby for months on end and wanted to get back into work ASAP as I love what I do and its my buisness I've been back for 4 weeks now and it has been ok as she's asleep most of the day and I can kind of sort her out in-between clients but it just feels like hard work . hate the fact I cant even go out and get my lunch easily anymore and I resent carting all the crap that goes with a baby around . I hate the sheer sight of my husband at the moment . I hate the fact that he gets all this free time at work and then gets to come home at around 4 or 5 and has more free time till about 8.30 when I finish and come home with her . I went to meet a childminder the other day and had a feeling of freedom thinking I could hand her over and her not be my problem but he's said " oh its £800 a month " not a good idea at this point with the cost of everything going up . I got into a massive argument with him cause he was the one who wanted her more than I did . feel like my wings have been clipped and I cant escape this awful reality and its probably only going to get worse . I do feel bad on her cause she is a decent baby and only really cries when she wants something and sleeps pretty well at night . I just want to give her away to someone else who actually wants her because i don't feel like I do . I look at her and think she's cute but it dosent go any deeper than that . obviously all her needs are met and she is well cared for .

You can't work and meet her needs at the same time. She needs to be proper childcare if you're working.

you need more support. I understand you

So you're out all day with a 7 week old at work until 8.30pm and your husband doesn't come and collect her to get her home/bathed/fed and down?

No wonder you resent him. What a useless father.

you need childcare so the childminder fee will need to be something both of you factor into your wages. Before you know it baby will be crawling/toddling and a salon is not a safe environment for a toddler.

I do mean this nicely but did you not both factor in childcare fees when you started trying for a baby?

Oh god she’s only 7 weeks. You need to speak to your hv. Urgently. 💐

I'm going to be honest - you need childcare. I don't think you regret your daughter, I think you can't cope with doing two jobs (childcare and your actual job) and it's way too much to expect this of you.

Is there any way you can get a family member to look after her while you work? Or could your DP leave his job and look after her so you could do yours full time? What's your money situ?

You need to find childcare for your DD. A 7 week old absolutely shouldn’t be around the fumes, noise & chemicals of a salon.

Get yourself an appt with the GP in the morning too.