I really regret having my daughter

[ashymo]

every day I wake up and just wish it was a bad dream I could wake up from . I hate the responsibility and how I feel like it's just me who's responsible for her. I take her into work with me in my salon and she is usually OK but I do find it hard sometimes when im trying to work and she's kicking off . she is a fairly good baby and I do love her but I can't help feeling like if I had the chance to go back in time and not have her I definitely would . I hate my husband too and just want to leave them both and just live my life . I feel miserable all the time like what is the point in all this its absolute s**t I had it good before having her and loved my freedom and now I've gone and completely ruined my life. everything in my brain is just telling me to run far far away from both of them .

If this is true I hope one of your clients has contacted social services. You may have PND but this is child neglect, who in there right mind would expose a tiny baby to all of those chemicals?

I understand that it is really really hard to have young children when you are so far from home.
However, I agree with pp that you cannot adequately look after a baby ( they have emotional needs too) and work.

If this is true, you are massively living on borrowed time. Your DD will ‘wake up’ soon and gone will be the days of her being content with feeding and sleeping and not much else. What did you plan prior to having her? Was your plan to go back to work this soon? Ideally, one of you needs to take proper parental leave. Failing that, she needs formal childcare. This is completely unsustainable long term for you and neglectful for her.

Completely understand you wanting to get back to to work - but you've been back since she was 4 weeks old??
This isn't me trying to have a go, but this isn't ok op. Your baby needs you, she needs contact, and cuddles and a lot of attention. She is still a newborn, in the 4th trimester. She can't sit in a salon all day by herself, her development will not progress. When they are this young, they don't understand they are a separate person from you.
You need to speak to your Gp, because you are clearly really struggling and desperately need help. You also need to consider either staying at home with her for a few weeks, or getting a child minder. To be brutally honest, a childminder isn't ideal this young, she really does need you.
Your baby needs and deserves more than this, you planned and decided to have her, and even if you regret it, it's too late - you have to step up and take responsibility for your choice. Please see your doctor and ask for help.

This. And imagine this post was coming from the father there’d be absolute uproar.

That said OP, I do understand you. Sometimes it can feel like the good does not out weigh the bad. I always wonder why our whole lives we are sold into having children as “the done thing” it’s not suited to everyone, at all.

I love my daughter dearly, she has made me a better me. My career has flourished since having her because she gave me motivation to do that for her. But other aspects of my life my relationship etc has suffered. It’s hard but it does get better, she’s 4 now but I imagine it’ll get easier and easier and I’ll eventually miss these chaotic times.

I just don’t think parenthood is for everyone, and I wish it was more widely talked about instead of expecting people to just be parents.

I had my own business when my DD was born and it felt like a much more demanding baby than my actual baby. I also took her to work quite a lot, out of necessity. I had a boutique and would put her in the changing room with the curtain closed when she was sleeping. Obviously I did take her out and interact with her too. She used to come with me to trade fairs and on buying appointments. I never really felt as detached as you, but it was extremely tough and stressful and I felt like I couldn’t prioritise her as my business would fail. The business did fail in the end, I went back to a non-self employed job with a more stable income, she went into nursery and my world felt normal again. The love between us was not instant. I almost felt like I couldn’t get too attached to her because my world would come crashing down and I didn’t have time to make her the centre of my world. But it crept up on me and when she was a few months old, I started to get waves of feelings wash over me. I would be doing something with her and it suddenly hit me how much I loved her. I hope things change for you too, and I would seek professional help if you can to check whether you do have PND.

I doubt it, it seems very unlikely. But what would someone get out of posting this if it's untrue?

this is excellent

As pp have said your DH is not pulling his weight.
The very least he should do is pick up the baby from you at 4 -5 pm and take her home.
Could you employ someone for a few hours a day to look after her if a f/t childminder is not possible? I can’t see how working and looking after a child will work when she’s 6 months old and awake for longer periods.
I also think you need to talk to someone irl as you don’t seem to have a great attachment to the baby. That’s not a fault, it’s something that’ll make your life and hers much harder though.

You absolutely need more support. And you need proper childcare. And to see your GP or midwife ASAP please, Im really worried about your mental health.

Sounds like your DH is a lazy arse to be honest. Why is he not caring for his child at all?

You cannot take your baby into work with you. For a start, I would not go to hairdresser with a baby, who had one eye on me and one eye on her baby. And if baby started crying, I would out of the door like a shot.

It is not professional and it is not the environment your customers are looking for, so expect that to drop off.

And your insurance won't cover it, if anything happens to her.

Please seek help.

I'm sorry op but this is not right.

Your baby is 7 weeks old and in a salon!
What is she breathing in whilst you work on your clients?

She will need more in her life than lying in a pram day to day.

Talk you your health visitor or GP. They can give you advice.

As a self employed hairdresser with a husband who is home at 4pm you have a lot of options here OP. Why not start later, pay for a bit of childcare in the middle of the day and get your husband to collect your child after work? That would give a much healthier situation for your baby and allow you some headspace if you feel that's what you need.

The very least he should do is pick up the baby from you at 4 -5 pm and take her home.

Yes I thought this..the op said he finishes at 4/5pm but she's working till after 8pm. Why doesn't he go to the salon to pick her up? Really, you shouldn't be doing this at all. It's not fair on you or the baby. Can you just work weekends and evenings and leave your baby at home with your husband then?

.

Id go back to your family OP. I’m sure they’re absolutely dying to meet her, support you. You can claim centre link childcare and still work and access childcare which is far superior to yhe uk’s

TBH some people REALLY need to face reality before they have children, not after.

Can you go back to Australia? Even just for 6 months to get yourself recovered from the birth and in a better place?

You really need to be sending her to childcare, not just leaving her in a salon while you work. She is going to need a lot of attention as she gets older. Also your husband should be taking over when he gets back from work!

to everyone asking yes this post is real .I don't understand why someone would make this up just as a wind up . im definitely thinking to put her into childcare . I have adjusted my working hours so I'm starting later in the day and the plan was for my husband to pick her up when he finishes work - he has done this a couple of times but I get back and the house is carnage so I don't bother asking him too now cause its just more s**t for me to deal with when im back . he isn't completely useless and does do things to contribute to her care but leaves a trail of destruction behind him which for me is just more I have to clean up as he dosent see mess the way I do . feel like I'm having some kind of mental breakdown or something but don't want to alert mental health because I did this when I was pregnant and had feelings like I didn't want my baby and they made such a fuss like I was going to harm myself or the baby which is not true and its just put me off wanting to talk to them about it . my best mate works with me and usually helps me out when I have a client and she dosent but she's due to have her baby in a couple of weeks so .feel like she's the only real help I have . just too add I don't just park her up in a pram in the corner of the salon she is right next to me in a bassinet with a air purifier right next to her that removes gasses from the air amongst other things so she isn't in danger being in the salon but It isn't something I want to carry on with long term as I do agree she will need more stimulation in the next few weeks . It just feels like a wave of emotions but its mostly hate and resentment towards my husband . he said to me just before he left for work that im selfish and its me me me all the time and I wanted to knock his teeth out . what he dosent get is im pretty much with her 24 hrs a day and when he does help he wants me to pretty much get down on my knees n kiss his feet thanking him for helping me with his child . I didn't want to have a child at all really but felt like it was expected of me . he kept mentioning it before Christmas last year and me probably not being in the right frame of mind agreed too it .idk what I want from saying this suppose just to let it all out cause it feels better .

OP. I believe your post because sadly. I have seen this happen time and time again. My personal experience of some hairdressers, nail salons, etc. The amount of people who I've met that work in the bueuty industry when pregnant and I ask will they continue to work. There answer is yes I will just bring baby into work with me. Then I have went in for a appointment and baby is there in the pram. I immediately stop going to that place because I am paying for child free me time. I also knew someone who worked in a high street bank and would take her child in and leave them in the back office.

Please speak to your health visitor or gp. Your post reads to me that both you and your husband are in denial that yous now have a child. A child who's needs come first. Your husband needs to step up and become a dad and take responsibility. I would urge you to rest and you and your husband to change your work so it fits in around your child.

Wishing you lots of luck 💐

I didn't want to have a child at all really but felt like it was expected of me but he doesn't 'help' out properly at all from what you say. And I put 'help' in inverted commas as SHE IS HIS CHILD.

He has no realisation of what being a Dad entails, does he? So the times he DOES actually bother looking after her, he leaves such a mess that you have to clean it up?

I rarely say this but honestly, ask him to leave. Get proper childcare in place and your life will be so much easier. Or take baby home to Australia and be with your family. Could any of them come to you for a bit?

Keep talking to us if if makes things easier.

I appreciate what you are saying about how mental health team has made you feel, but you really need to speak to a professional, they won't just take your baby away but it is really important, even if it is just to speak to them about your husband! You need time to bond with your baby and that's not going to happen in your current setup, and your baby has needs - emotional and physical - she is going to 'wake up' soon and then it really does get tough. You need to prepare for this.

Why are you worried about 'mental health' making a fuss? Worst case scenario is children's services recommending that baby is removed from your care which is exactly what you want?

You need to hand your baby to your husband and go away for a week so he can see what you are having to do. He sounds like a lazy useless prick.