I really regret having my daughter

[ashymo]

every day I wake up and just wish it was a bad dream I could wake up from . I hate the responsibility and how I feel like it's just me who's responsible for her. I take her into work with me in my salon and she is usually OK but I do find it hard sometimes when im trying to work and she's kicking off . she is a fairly good baby and I do love her but I can't help feeling like if I had the chance to go back in time and not have her I definitely would . I hate my husband too and just want to leave them both and just live my life . I feel miserable all the time like what is the point in all this its absolute s**t I had it good before having her and loved my freedom and now I've gone and completely ruined my life. everything in my brain is just telling me to run far far away from both of them .

Just sending you a hug x

You shouldn't take her to work .
Work should be adult space and time away
Have you looked at child care options?

You can't be together 24/7

Can your dh not take paternity leave if you can't take maternity leave? She's 7 weeks old. I say it kindly but she needs to be out of the salon and all the associated fumes and into the arms of a loving human. You cannot work and look after your baby at the same time. It's impossible. Work if you must but either her dad or childminder / nanny / nursery / family member must look after her. You should really speak to your health visitor about how you are feeling. In the nicest possible way you aren't giving yourself the chance to enjoy her. The first few months are brutal and a huge adjustment.

This! It really does put too much pressure on you.

This. You are putting yourself under silly pressure. If you work, you need childcare. You can't do both at the same time.

You need childcare as she will be awake for longer as she gets older and you can't really expect her to lie in a cot/pram for hours on end. You also need help for your own sanity. Why can't your husband pick her up at 4pm and look after her for the 4 hours until you get home? He might realise how tough it is then. You could also maybe get childcare for just a few hours and you also look after her and maybe go into work later.

Could you not take some more time and do homers or something?

Hi OP and I am sorry you are struggling. I echo what everyone else has already said.

Also - I hear you on wanting to work, me too; but going back to work (even with childcare, which you don't have) just three weeks post-birth would be a big ask of your body. It did an amazing thing - it carried and gave birth to a child - you need to allow it to rest. Is there any way you could take a bit more time off to rest up and also use it as a chance to sort out some childcare? You really cannot feasibly continue to have the baby in the salon with you for the next four years.

Hugs to you OP. It sounds tough!
For what it's worth, I think your feelings are a combination of being hormonal - 7 weeks post partum is so soon! Most of us, stay at home . exhausted at that stage! Perhaps you're also having some sort of post natal depression and not bonding with your child which is a mental health condition.
Plus you're probably more exhausted than you realise! And exhaustion makes everything seems worse.
Your husband's behaviour sounds awful. He needs a reality check. You need to speak to him and get him to step in.
Agree with everyone else saying that working full time and looking after a baby are not compatible. Childcare is needed no matter how much it costs.

It seems to be that you failed to bond with her ? I’m sorry I do nit mean this in an awful way but what you describe for her doesn’t even seem love .
I admit it’s so opposite of waft I feel due my children that I find it weird . I’m unsure if I should tell you to live your life without her or try and see if there us any mental health issues associated. And I honestly do not mean it in a bad way but you both deserve better , you deserve a life you like abd ste deserves unconditional love

This situation is not sustainable. You went back to work extremely early and you are quite literally trying to do the impossible. No wonder you are stressed - she is going to be constantly interrupting you and feel like an irritation. Very young babies need to feel physically close to their parent/carer, have one to one interaction to feel safe, loved and stimulated. If you don’t feel like you can provide that for her then please think about childcare of some kind. You can’t have her dumped in a salon like that. Maternity leave exists for very good reasons. You may need some professional help with coming to terms with being a mum and bonding with your baby. Reach out for help, you’re allowed to ask for it.

Sending lots of love and hugs. Be kind to yourself. You are trying to do the impossible. As you can't afford nursery or a childminder then your DH needs to collect her when he finishes work and do the tea time feed and bath before you get back. It's completely understandable you're resentful of your daughter and hate your husband. You are left to do everything and you've barely just given birth. Your hormones will be all over the shop too.

Please please go to GP and ask for urgent appointment and be honest with them about how you feel.

You will regret it if you don't.

Also either stop work for a bit, or get DH to pick DD up when he finishes at the very least.

It can feel very lonely being a new mum. But throwing yourself into work and ignoring your feelings is not the answer. It's VERY early days, be kind to yourself x

Do you all really think this is true?

Your poor baby. This had made me so sad for her. Did you always plan to go back to work so soon and thought it’d just be fine to have a baby there while you work? It’s not going to work long term is it, soon she will be awake for longer stretches and needs someone to care for her and interact with her, not stick her in a corner resenting her existence. Sorry but this is awful.

This. Like it or not she's a real person with real, ever growing needs.

You cannot work and meet her needs, which include closeness and comfort, not just food, and cleaning.

You need to outsource the care if you're not able or willing to do this yourself.

I won't judge you if work is part of your identity, but we all feel like we lose a bit of ourselves when we have kids because they truly need huge sacrifices to be made.

It's also not always possible to parent equally. Sometimes you need a primary carer and a primary provider. If you want to be the primary provider then you need to talk to your husband about being the primary carer.

If you're both working and providing then you can surely afford childcare, although then this baby is missing out on necessary comfort and bonding time with the two people who should love her and want to spend time with her, and I think that's a bit sad really.

You’re right. But don’t you think it’s better to explore whether this is PND and discover that it’s not, than assume it’s not PND and let things get worse? Either way it sounds like OP needs mental health support.

Also a mental health nurse and 100% agree. Get support ASAP.

I hope it isn’t true but if it is, OP your baby should be having a lot of cuddles and care with you , your DH or someone who can do that. She needs songs and stories and laughs ..
I’m absolutely not saying this to make you feel bad.
If this is not a true story then that’s another thing..
You need help to deal with this: for a start your husband should be taking the baby home. She shouldn’t be in your salon.
Pay for help or take time off for longer.
And speak to your HV, GP and anyone else it takes.

Your baby won't continue to sleep for much of the day

You might think it's working out carting her to the salon but she needs a close attachment - she needs regular eye contact with you .

She needs stimulation

She will need tummy time

If you don't offer her these things it will affect the development of her brain.

We know that close attachments help the brain of a baby tremendously.

You cannot allow this to continue- if not for yourself then for the sake of your child before its too late.

7 week old babies are not like handbags.

Im sorry that sounds harsh - I have experienced PND - I know the struggle.

But you need to be aware that this could adversely affect your child- i see the effects day in day out - please seek help urgently.

I don't have children, so my thoughts might mean nothing to you, and that would be understandable, but I am a data point, and human, so I hope i can add something of value.

I feel that it might be impossible to regret a child, any child, once born, only the circumstances surrounding it. Which of course can create the sensation of regret. All of us are naturally conditioned to love and care for our own or even another's children, at our best, but the conditions of life are another thing entirely.

You have no respect for your OH, this will create an unfathomable weight and sorrow, tarnishing the family connection and possibly disconnecting you from the process of bonding and joy that a new child should create. I'm so sorry you are experiencing this, I would advise some sort of counselling, preferably 'domestic' to hash these feelings out. If the first one doesn't deliver, try again.
I have been there, for other reasons, and it was a terrific help.

There's history here, and we can't make any rash judgements or guesses over the internet, but please have faith. We have this one life, as does your daughter, and we are all the result of our choices; we deserve the power and inclination to accept and make the most of them.

One thing I do know, our society is sick. What is important becomes secondary to the bloody great machine we are caught up in. It takes a good deal of strength and self awareness to hold on, to keep our head's amongst the chaos - money, time, pressure, defeat, loss, pain.
This is so new for you, she is so very young, your world has taken a giant knock. I can only say reserve your energy for the future, without predictions of failure or defeat. Life is short, but it is also long. Have faith, and reach out if you can. I wish I could help, but I am a floundering middle-aged artist who still rents and hugs trees. I had to accept my choices and take charge of my lot. We all do. I wish you the strength to do that, without comparisons or self loathing.
Attack the problem from the root - if this is your OH, there are better on here to advise than I.
All the very best OP. I bet she is beautiful:)

Seconding several opinions in saying that you may well be suffering from post-natal depression. It can last for quite a long time, but there is help available. It isn't a mental thing so much as a hormonal thing, and the sooner addressed, the sooner you will feel much better.

Please get help immediately, from your HV or GP. Your baby deserves better than this.

It is clear that you and your husband have to sort things out between you, but you are adults. You both chose to bring this baby into existence. You are both capable of making changes in your lives. Neither of these things apply to your daughter. She is helpless and needs to be unconditionally loved, not barely tolerated.

I think i was saying that whilst some regret having children, and that's ok, I find it hard to imagine they regret the actual child. I hope that makes sense. x

No!
so unlikely.
Who works til 8.30 at night with a 7 week baby
It’s impossible to feed one “ In between clients “
Been so many posts pulled of late.