I really regret having my daughter

[ashymo]

every day I wake up and just wish it was a bad dream I could wake up from . I hate the responsibility and how I feel like it's just me who's responsible for her. I take her into work with me in my salon and she is usually OK but I do find it hard sometimes when im trying to work and she's kicking off . she is a fairly good baby and I do love her but I can't help feeling like if I had the chance to go back in time and not have her I definitely would . I hate my husband too and just want to leave them both and just live my life . I feel miserable all the time like what is the point in all this its absolute s**t I had it good before having her and loved my freedom and now I've gone and completely ruined my life. everything in my brain is just telling me to run far far away from both of them .

Ooof, that all sounds very hard. I'm presuming you may be self employed and not working feels like not an option? But people in your position have found ways to do it, I'm sure. Working and tiny baby is not a combination that will work for you and I suspect its that which is making you miserable more than the baby per se. You have asked far too much of yourself - you're not likely to be able to give enough of yourself either to baby and to work. I had two quite 'easy' newborn babies and honestly I can't imagine having coped with work before 12 weeks at the very earliest - my brain was total mush the whole time.

I agree with those who have said speak to your GP ASAP

Sorry OP this sounds so hard and you are doing your best to make it work. I wonder if you had depression starting during your pregnancy. Have you ever been honest about how you feel? Agree with making an urgent appointment to see the GP and organising some counselling sessions to help you work through this and explore what actions you could take.

As PP said, at the very least your DP needs to be getting his arse over to you and picking up your DD when he finishes work at 4pm. That would give you a few hours time to focus on your work and not have to cart everything home. That would also likely ease the (understandable) resentment you feel for him now. Does he look after her during the weekend? From what you say he’s not pulling his weight at all.

£800 is very reasonable for childcare and your peace of mind is priceless, can he fund it, it minimum 50%? Or can DP take paid leave, as you are not using your mat leave, it could be transferred to him?

I remember having thoughts of wanting to run away feeling trapped, overwhelmed and the early weeks being hard, but my feelings did totally change later. I do think you need help now though, both professional support, childcare and DP to step up.

Eve if so i would prefer to give someone in pain the benefit of the doubt, it wont kill me. If it is a fake post, so be it, we'll survive.

Hi op, have a read of this booklet about PND:

You will see that one of the predictors for PND is lack of support!

Looks like a typical around midnight wind up thread.

They often begin around midnight, emotive topic like “ I dislike my beautiful newborn and my husband is useless” that get everyone trying to help - next morning- when mods look, post is deleted.

Been so many faked pulled ones
People try to help “ In good faith” and even share experiences
To see them pulled next morning makes a mockery of the whole thing.

Well tell him to take her to work then!!

There no way a baby should be in a salon at all, let alone at 7 weeks & all day. Either someone else needs to look after her or one of you needs to stay home. She's 7 weeks and you've been back 4 weeks, it's no wonder you're not enjoying being a mum!!

you NEED to work part time! You NEED childminder when you work and you need to spend time cuddling & feeding DD.

Not everyone bonds with their baby immediately, it's a fallacy. One poster on here said she didn't bond with her DD until someone picked up her DD when she was 2.5 & joked about running off with her! She said it was the very first time she'd felt that maternal protectiveness and rush of love for her Dd, but less extremely it's not uncommon for it to be months before that rush of love comes.

Why are you back at work so soon?
What do you have a husband for?

What childcare arrangements did you both agree to before you had your daughter?

How do you do people's hair and care for your daughter simultaneously? & how is it a hair salon lets you bring a baby into work?

If your husband finishes work so much earlier than you why doesn't he come to the salon to take his daughter home?

Im not even sure I believe this story tbh it sounds completely far-fetched, but on the slim chance its really true you need to speak to your Health Visitor or GP immediately and you must know that

Hating your partner after kids is normal because largely their life goes unchanged

Is it?

If they're a tosspot I suppose it might be. Too many of those around according to MN.

OP, why are you taking your baby to work when your husband isn't? Why is he not paying his proportion of childcare costs? Agree with most of the PPs. Take care of yourself.

it’s absolutely not impossible to regret having a child

www.gov.uk/shared-parental-leave-and-pay

She’ll start smiling back at you in a week or two OP :)

Sadly I did . I left one of mine in a car seat with a bottle propped up next to me while I worked 12 hours a day. This went on for weeks until I had a breakdown and then gave up work . I then felt so miserable and lonely that I put baby into full time nursery at 16 weeks old and went back to work. By a year or so I’d managed to see-saw into some sort of sensible balance and all was well but it was a really shitty start . I believe it was around 48 hours after a cesarean I was sat working at my desk propped up with cushions. Bloody ridiculous and crazy and such a shame . My mother took us all including a 4 weeker to do tenancy cleans in filthy drug addict abandoned houses when we were small, 4 of us ! It happens a lot I’m afraid

OK but what would you rather do, accidentally give some advice to someone who didn't need it, or make a mother with postnatal depression feel even more alone?

Massive hug?!?! She's considering abandoning her child ffs. Says she hates her, come on! I had PND too but I'd never, ever have even thought about such a thing. This is so wrong

That sounds really tough.

I'd speak to your HV/GP to rule out PND.

I felt like this after having DS, for the first few months. I can't remember how long exactly, it could've been up to a year. I missed my freedom and what life was like before him.

But now, I couldn't even imagine feeling like that anymore. I am so so glad I have him and feel no regret.

Im sorry you're going through this

Ah yes, I forgot all levels of PND are exactly the same. Come off it

Hating your partner after kids is normal because largely their life goes unchanged

no, it isn’t ‘normal’ to hate your partner after having a baby! I love my DH more than ever since giving birth, he is an amazing father (and indeed, DH). I hate this man hating, ‘men are useless’ attitude that is so often peddled on MN 🙄

you have no idea what you’re talking about 🙄

Poor little girl. She deserves so much better.

She's seven weeks old and she's just sitting in a pram all day whilst you work!? That's so unfair to your child, who didn't ask for this. You will need to cough up the 800 a month...didn't you realise this when planning for the baby? Is your baby meant to come to work with you until she hits school age? She's seven weeks old...of course she's going to be hard work that's why maternity leave exists because you are up in the night and attending to baby all day and night and you have to bond with your baby. This isn't fair to your child.

It's not actually fair to use a child minder this young either really.
Go see your doctor and call your health visitor and seek some advice.
You are bound to feel dreadful if you are juggling everything with a tiny baby.

OP - why isn’t your husband picking your daughter up on his way home from work and taking her home?

7 weeks? It's get worse. OP, you need a childcare.

This sounds an awful lot line what I went through with my postpartum depression. I told my therapist that I was certain I ruined my marriage and my family would be better off without me and fantasized about running away all the time. I went on anti depressants and the thoughts of running away were long gone. Definitely please speak with your doctor and get in touch with family or friends who can help. It's very hard in the early days but it does get easier. And I don't care what anyone says baby's are people too. They are a new person you just met. You don't always love them immediately. But you can and you will learn to love them once you've had a proper chance to get to know them!

This.