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Original poster

Can he take me to court for this?

345 replies

CZP22 · 11/10/2022 14:42

I co parent with my daughters dad and everything has been fine. No rows, drama etc and we co parent well.
I have decided to move back to my home town and spoke to him regarding either sharing travel or meeting half way at weekends to maintain them having contact. He's had her overnight every weekend since birth.
This was his response
"When jake was little his mum took him away and I've missed out on so much, taking him to school etc. And for 8 years she has refused to do any of the travelling even though it's the moving parent that has to maintain contact, because she knows I weren't able to afford to take her to court. So I had no choice if I wanted to see him, I have to do 4hr round trip on a Fri and a Sunday costing me over £120 just to see him.
So if you think I'm gonna do the same with Zoe, after me telling you I'm i was in no position to have another child and couldn't afford another child when you got pregnant and you basically told me I had no choice, then you're mistaken. If you want to take her away then it's you who has to maintain contact. And a court will agree with me and luckily I'll be able to afford it this time."

Can he take me to court for this? How do I approach this amicably?
It's annoying he uses the premise that I got pregnant on purpose but I understand he feels upset

OP posts:
hulahoopqueen · 11/10/2022 15:20

Yes, if you've chosen to move, the court could well say that it is your responsibility to facilitate your DD being available for contact.
Is he able to get to your new place easily? How far away is it?
I would try and resolve it as amicably as possible, but this may mean a compromise that means that he has her more often, in exchange for splitting the travel.

Original poster
CZP22 · 11/10/2022 15:22

hulahoopqueen · 11/10/2022 15:20

Yes, if you've chosen to move, the court could well say that it is your responsibility to facilitate your DD being available for contact.
Is he able to get to your new place easily? How far away is it?
I would try and resolve it as amicably as possible, but this may mean a compromise that means that he has her more often, in exchange for splitting the travel.

My new place is an hour and 40 mins away x
I have offered shared travel or meeting half way x
I absolutely do not want to limit the contact he has with her, he's a great father and his family are amazing too.
Thing is, I don't drive but my partner does, and daughters dad drives.

OP posts:
BadTimesAtTheElRoyale · 11/10/2022 15:22

Is it even feasible for him to meet halfway if he already travels to pick his son up?

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AnneLovesGilbert · 11/10/2022 15:23

Are those real names?

How far are you wanting to move? You’re not going to maintain a decent coparenting relationship if you just announce you’re moving his child away from if it’s going to reduce the child’s contact with her father.

girlmom21 · 11/10/2022 15:25

He's right. He's told you he couldn't afford another child and you chose to have the child anyway. He's already missed out on so much of his first child's life, you must have seen the pain that caused him, now you want to do the same again.

You have to maintain contact if you're moving that far away.

Is that amount of travelling really in your child's best interests?

Original poster
CZP22 · 11/10/2022 15:26

AnneLovesGilbert · 11/10/2022 15:23

Are those real names?

How far are you wanting to move? You’re not going to maintain a decent coparenting relationship if you just announce you’re moving his child away from if it’s going to reduce the child’s contact with her father.

Yes all names have been changed x
The last thing I wanted was a bad relationship but I also want to move back to my family and friends. I have nothing here left for me at all.
It may sound selfish I know but if I tell the court I'm willing to share the travel responsibility will that go in my favour?
I can't stay here I'm miserable.

OP posts:
weekendninja · 11/10/2022 15:26

Are you able to learn to drive? It doesn't seem like an ideal/reliable solution for your DP to do it. And what are your reasons for moving?

1hr 40mins is a trek OP. It's a distance that makes him not be an active parent.

I can see exactly why he is wanting to attend court tbh.

Original poster
CZP22 · 11/10/2022 15:27

girlmom21 · 11/10/2022 15:25

He's right. He's told you he couldn't afford another child and you chose to have the child anyway. He's already missed out on so much of his first child's life, you must have seen the pain that caused him, now you want to do the same again.

You have to maintain contact if you're moving that far away.

Is that amount of travelling really in your child's best interests?

My only other option was an abortion, which I have nothing against but for me personally I don't think I could've mentally handled it. I'd be dwelling on it everyday.

OP posts:
girlmom21 · 11/10/2022 15:28

Yes but you chose to proceed with the pregnancy - regardless of the reasons for it - and you're now making things even more difficult for him to be a father. Don't you see that that's unfair?

Original poster
CZP22 · 11/10/2022 15:28

weekendninja · 11/10/2022 15:26

Are you able to learn to drive? It doesn't seem like an ideal/reliable solution for your DP to do it. And what are your reasons for moving?

1hr 40mins is a trek OP. It's a distance that makes him not be an active parent.

I can see exactly why he is wanting to attend court tbh.

Yes I also get it.
The reason for my move is to be close to my
Friends and family.
I could learn to drive once I'm financially able to do so but atm it's not something I can afford to do

OP posts:
Beees · 11/10/2022 15:29

The court would be expecting you do do all the travelling not meet half way.

I also want to move back to my family and friends. I have nothing here left for me at all.

Also this stuck out for me. You might not have anything left there but your child's father and link to her sibling are there. She's going to be losing a lot and you should be putting her needs before your own.

theemmadilemma · 11/10/2022 15:29

CZP22 · 11/10/2022 15:22

My new place is an hour and 40 mins away x
I have offered shared travel or meeting half way x
I absolutely do not want to limit the contact he has with her, he's a great father and his family are amazing too.
Thing is, I don't drive but my partner does, and daughters dad drives.

Show quote history

So how are you going to maintain contact? You can't expect your Partner to facilitate contact.

I don't think you're being fair here.

fallfallfall · 11/10/2022 15:31

Learn how to drive.

Soontobe60 · 11/10/2022 15:31

You want to move 100 mins travel time away, and if you did share the travel, he would have to travel 3 1/2 hours each weekend to see his child. So if he were to pick her up on Fridays after work, at best he’d collect her at 6.30pm and get back home at 8.15pm. Then on a Sunday he would have to leave home at maybe 4pm so she gets back to yours in time for tea, bath, bedtime. Its not just about the journey he has to do, but the impact on her having to do that journey too. YABU.

girlmom21 · 11/10/2022 15:32

Is the hour and 40 minutes drive time or public transport?

MooseBeTimeForSnow · 11/10/2022 15:33

The fact that you’re miserable has nothing to do with it. It’s alI about what is in your daughter’s best interests.
You do realise he has the option of applying to Court for an order to prevent you moving?

If you don’t drive, how will you meet him half way? Is your partner willing to get involved? What if you split? How would you facilitate it then?

AnneLovesGilbert · 11/10/2022 15:33

How old is your DD?

Original poster
CZP22 · 11/10/2022 15:34

Soontobe60 · 11/10/2022 15:31

You want to move 100 mins travel time away, and if you did share the travel, he would have to travel 3 1/2 hours each weekend to see his child. So if he were to pick her up on Fridays after work, at best he’d collect her at 6.30pm and get back home at 8.15pm. Then on a Sunday he would have to leave home at maybe 4pm so she gets back to yours in time for tea, bath, bedtime. Its not just about the journey he has to do, but the impact on her having to do that journey too. YABU.

What else can I do?
Yes I 100% agree my children come first.
I've stayed here for 10 years so my older son could have a relationship with his father. But his father walked out of his life 3 years ago so now I want to go home and have a fresh start with my friends and family but I also want to manitnain the relationship with daughter and her dad.
He drives miles and miles everyday, often using his work van (I know he uses it to collect his son) so he doesn't pay for fuel on that either half the time.

OP posts:
Catapultaway · 11/10/2022 15:36

I don't get it, you say you've got a partner, but nothing left for you where you are?
Is the partner moving with you, or are you moving to be closer to the partner?

Original poster
CZP22 · 11/10/2022 15:36

Catapultaway · 11/10/2022 15:36

I don't get it, you say you've got a partner, but nothing left for you where you are?
Is the partner moving with you, or are you moving to be closer to the partner?

I'll be moving closer to my partner

OP posts:
girlmom21 · 11/10/2022 15:36

Yes I 100% agree my children come first.
I've stayed here for 10 years so my older son could have a relationship with his father. But his father walked out of his life 3 years ago so now I want to go home and have a fresh start with my friends and family but I also want to manitnain the relationship with daughter and her dad.

You're not trying to maintain the relationship. Why is your sons relationship more important than your daughters? Presumably you'd be staying put if his dad was still in contact?

girlmom21 · 11/10/2022 15:37

I'll be moving closer to my partner

This is shocking. Your boyfriend isn't more important than your daughters dad.

FlippityFlippityFlop · 11/10/2022 15:37

Is that an hour and 40 by car or public transport. How far is the mileage? It could easily take your that to get from east to west London.

Theoretically they could - but realistically they will prob say it's to be shared.

BadTimesAtTheElRoyale · 11/10/2022 15:37

How is he going to collect his son and your daughter? Does his son live in the same direction that you are moving? Your decision to move will impact your daughter massively if she is used to having every weekend with her dad. Also as she gets older she won't want to go as much incase she misses out on birthday parties, sleepovers etc. The move makes him less involved as a father.

TheodoreMortlock · 11/10/2022 15:37

How old is "Zoe" - is she at school yet?

Whether she is now, or will be in the future, what will you do when she wants to do after school clubs on a Friday but can't because she has to spend every Friday night travelling to see her dad?

What will you say to her when her friends want playdates at the weekend or for her to attend their birthday parties, and she can never go, because she's away every weekend in another town miles away?

Why can't you drop her at her dad's and then travel to see your friends and family while she is with him? If the answer is that it would be a pain in the arse, why inflict that on your daughter?