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Original poster

Can he take me to court for this?

345 replies

CZP22 · 11/10/2022 14:42

I co parent with my daughters dad and everything has been fine. No rows, drama etc and we co parent well.
I have decided to move back to my home town and spoke to him regarding either sharing travel or meeting half way at weekends to maintain them having contact. He's had her overnight every weekend since birth.
This was his response
"When jake was little his mum took him away and I've missed out on so much, taking him to school etc. And for 8 years she has refused to do any of the travelling even though it's the moving parent that has to maintain contact, because she knows I weren't able to afford to take her to court. So I had no choice if I wanted to see him, I have to do 4hr round trip on a Fri and a Sunday costing me over £120 just to see him.
So if you think I'm gonna do the same with Zoe, after me telling you I'm i was in no position to have another child and couldn't afford another child when you got pregnant and you basically told me I had no choice, then you're mistaken. If you want to take her away then it's you who has to maintain contact. And a court will agree with me and luckily I'll be able to afford it this time."

Can he take me to court for this? How do I approach this amicably?
It's annoying he uses the premise that I got pregnant on purpose but I understand he feels upset

OP posts:
schloop · 11/10/2022 15:37

If you're choosing to move your child that far away - a 3hr round trip - a court would likely state that you're responsible for the travel to enable your ex to have the same level of contact he has now.

Would your new partner be willing to do the travel?

It's not really fair to make your ex do 50% of travel that he doesn't want and hasn't chosen. This really doesn't seem to be in the best interest of your child.

Could you not move half that distance away? You really do need to learn to drive.

Original poster
CZP22 · 11/10/2022 15:38

girlmom21 · 11/10/2022 15:37

I'll be moving closer to my partner

This is shocking. Your boyfriend isn't more important than your daughters dad.

That's not at all what I'm saying. Not even close.

OP posts:
girlmom21 · 11/10/2022 15:38

What you are saying is that everyone's relationships are more important than your daughters with her dad.

Your boyfriend, your family, your friends, your sons dad.

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Beees · 11/10/2022 15:39

That's not at all what I'm saying. Not even close.

Not in those exact words but that's exactly what you're doing. You stayed out for your son to have a relationship do why doesn't your daughter get the same?

weekendninja · 11/10/2022 15:39

Where does your DP live OP? Is he the 'friends and family' youvare talking about?

Either way, it's a poor excuse. Your happy to take your DD away from her friends and family when her needs should be paramount. You're the adult - find your own friends and get your DP to take you to visit family.

Catapultaway · 11/10/2022 15:39

CZP22 · 11/10/2022 15:36

I'll be moving closer to my partner

Show quote history

Thought that might be the case.
Why can't he moved closer to you. Sorry, but you're the one in the wrong here.

purpleboy · 11/10/2022 15:40

Sorry op but your being incredibly selfish.
You stayed so your son could see his dad but your not prepared to do that for your daughter? That's really sad, and you have a father who wants to be a father and you going to make that all but impossible for him, on top of the travel your daughter is going to have to do every weekend, what about when she grows up and want to see her friends more?

I understand you wanting to have friends and family near but unfortunately you had a child and your obligation as a parent is to put their needs first and do what in their best interest...moving 1.40 away is not doing that.

Hapoydayz · 11/10/2022 15:40

My friends ex moved away from his DD and the mum has to drive to his to pick up and it’s done alternately. She didn’t move anywhere but has been instructed to by the court so you never know.

Hapoydayz · 11/10/2022 15:40

I should add he moved over 30 mins away

PurpleWisteria · 11/10/2022 15:45

If you move the travel is down to you, all of it. Not shared.

Prinnny · 11/10/2022 15:45

Massively unreasonable to uproot your daughter to move closer to a boyfriend. Poor fella, hope he does take you to court as they will side with him.

youlightupmyday · 11/10/2022 15:46

Do you work? How old are your children?

Original poster
CZP22 · 11/10/2022 15:47

youlightupmyday · 11/10/2022 15:46

Do you work? How old are your children?

I do work yes but that's not relevant.
I'm asking if he could take me to court and / or if anyones done this and what advice they could give to maintain a good relationship.

OP posts:
myexisawanker · 11/10/2022 15:48

I believe he could take you to court on this basis yes

Notofamilyholidays · 11/10/2022 15:48

I know you're getting a real bashing here OP but I think the majority of people have a point. The only thing I'll say is that you both got pregnant, not you alone. If ex didn't want another child, he should have been responsible enough not to impregnate you.

That said, It sounds like you only want to move because you have a new partner (yeah, yeah, yeah and the family), which does make you sound like you're putting this above all relationships. How long have you been dating your new partner? What's the arrangement right now when meeting for dates etc? Why can't he move closer to (or in with) you? Or you can both move somewhere half between current places as a compromise

Parky04 · 11/10/2022 15:49

Yes, he can take you to court, and the court, in all probability, will insist that you do all of the travelling!

quietnightmare · 11/10/2022 15:49

Selfish. You moved for your friends and family not for your children to have a better life. How sad. Why not give him full custody and you travel to see your children instead. Some people honestly

Original poster
CZP22 · 11/10/2022 15:51

Notofamilyholidays · 11/10/2022 15:48

I know you're getting a real bashing here OP but I think the majority of people have a point. The only thing I'll say is that you both got pregnant, not you alone. If ex didn't want another child, he should have been responsible enough not to impregnate you.

That said, It sounds like you only want to move because you have a new partner (yeah, yeah, yeah and the family), which does make you sound like you're putting this above all relationships. How long have you been dating your new partner? What's the arrangement right now when meeting for dates etc? Why can't he move closer to (or in with) you? Or you can both move somewhere half between current places as a compromise

I am but I'm also open to unbiased opinions, Which is why I posted here.
My partner owns his house, and is highly ranked in the raf so just hopping and moving isn't feasible for him. We will be moving into his house.

OP posts:
OneForTheRoadThen · 11/10/2022 15:52

Yes he can take you to court and get an interim order to stop the move. You'd need to demonstrate why moving was in the child's best interests including why they're being uprooted. The onus on travelling to maintain contact would usually fall to you.

HangryFeminist · 11/10/2022 15:52

He can take you to court, and from what I’ve seen in these situations the court would make you do all the travelling. So you wouldn’t spend any additional time with your family really, you’d spend it all in a car/on a train dragging your little girl across the country for hours at a time.

schloop · 11/10/2022 15:53

I think a court would certainly say you need to do at least 70% of the travelling to facilitate her visiting.

I'd suggest your prioritise learning to drive before moving, so that you're able to do the driving, then you wouldn't incur court costs.

OneForTheRoadThen · 11/10/2022 15:53

So are you actually moving near family or is it to be near your partner?

girlmom21 · 11/10/2022 15:53

OP is the 100 minutes public transport or driving?

feistymama75 · 11/10/2022 15:53

I work in family law. There are three scenarios which may happen in relation to travel if he decides to issue an application. 1) he is ordered to do all the travelling, 2) you are ordered to do all the travelling or 3) you are ordered to share the travelling.

It will depend on the magistrates/judges on the day as to which outcome would be ordered.

The posters saying the court will order you to do all the travelling as you moved is nonsense. They may or they may not. I've had different clients experience all of the different possible outcomes with identical situations. There really is no way of knowing. Most likely would be shared travel. But that's just a most likely not a definite.

Original poster
CZP22 · 11/10/2022 15:54

OneForTheRoadThen · 11/10/2022 15:53

So are you actually moving near family or is it to be near your partner?

Both. It's my home where I grew up and where my friends and family are.
The whole story of how I got here is very long and complicated.

OP posts:
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