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Original poster

Can he take me to court for this?

345 replies

CZP22 · 11/10/2022 14:42

I co parent with my daughters dad and everything has been fine. No rows, drama etc and we co parent well.
I have decided to move back to my home town and spoke to him regarding either sharing travel or meeting half way at weekends to maintain them having contact. He's had her overnight every weekend since birth.
This was his response
"When jake was little his mum took him away and I've missed out on so much, taking him to school etc. And for 8 years she has refused to do any of the travelling even though it's the moving parent that has to maintain contact, because she knows I weren't able to afford to take her to court. So I had no choice if I wanted to see him, I have to do 4hr round trip on a Fri and a Sunday costing me over £120 just to see him.
So if you think I'm gonna do the same with Zoe, after me telling you I'm i was in no position to have another child and couldn't afford another child when you got pregnant and you basically told me I had no choice, then you're mistaken. If you want to take her away then it's you who has to maintain contact. And a court will agree with me and luckily I'll be able to afford it this time."

Can he take me to court for this? How do I approach this amicably?
It's annoying he uses the premise that I got pregnant on purpose but I understand he feels upset

OP posts:
catell01 · 11/10/2022 16:20

@MervynPumpkinhead this line is always trotted out, but on the flip side OP had options. If she didn't want to be tied to a particular town or do 7 hours of travel a week to facilitate contact she should have taken the pill, had a coil fitted, had an abortion etc. She had more options than the father whose relationship with his child she is trying to ruin to suit her new boyfriend.

Yeah, poor men being manipulated into unwillingly spurting sperm into vaginas ,mpregnating evil, scheming women and then not being allowed to demand they abort. Dreadful!

And not one person on this thread has denied the man has no parental rights or should not be able to take OP to court. Make a relevant point or go want into a sock or something

XJerseyGirlX · 11/10/2022 16:20

I was taken to court for exactly this reason (I moved dd two hours away)

The judge ruled that I drop her the whole way to her dads every other Friday

And we met half way on the Sunday

They want to see the mum facilitating contact, and tbh I think I owed that to my ex anyway.

mathanxiety · 11/10/2022 16:20

He can't simultaneously argue that he didn't want another baby and whine about missing the baby.

Relationships break down. Harping on about conflict years later makes him look bitter. If he brings up the old conflict over the pregnancy you can argue
(1) does he really want to see the child even though he didn't want her to be born?
(2) that he is still trying to punish you for going ahead with the pregnancy.

He also can't make you stay living in any given place. What if you got a good job offer somewhere else?
And sauce for the goose... What if he got a good job offer somewhere else? Or if either one of you married other people and their job involved a move?

The issue is distance and driving.

I think a court would find the half way suggestion reasonable.

But I think you need to learn to drive and buy yourself a car. Make this a priority.

If you were able to prove to a court that you were taking lessons and determined to drive, a court would see that as good faith and a genuine effort to meet your ex's objections and continue to co parent regardless of distance.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Families Family law General parenting Relationship problems
mathanxiety · 11/10/2022 16:22

It sounds to me as if your ex is angry that you have a new partner and is trying to control you.

VeridicalVagabond · 11/10/2022 16:23

CZP22 · 11/10/2022 15:36

I'll be moving closer to my partner

Show quote history

So you're literally prioritising your boyfriend over the needs of your child?

MervynPumpkinhead · 11/10/2022 16:23

catell01 · 11/10/2022 16:20

@MervynPumpkinhead this line is always trotted out, but on the flip side OP had options. If she didn't want to be tied to a particular town or do 7 hours of travel a week to facilitate contact she should have taken the pill, had a coil fitted, had an abortion etc. She had more options than the father whose relationship with his child she is trying to ruin to suit her new boyfriend.

Yeah, poor men being manipulated into unwillingly spurting sperm into vaginas ,mpregnating evil, scheming women and then not being allowed to demand they abort. Dreadful!

And not one person on this thread has denied the man has no parental rights or should not be able to take OP to court. Make a relevant point or go want into a sock or something

🤣🤣🤣

Original poster
CZP22 · 11/10/2022 16:23

XJerseyGirlX · 11/10/2022 16:20

I was taken to court for exactly this reason (I moved dd two hours away)

The judge ruled that I drop her the whole way to her dads every other Friday

And we met half way on the Sunday

They want to see the mum facilitating contact, and tbh I think I owed that to my ex anyway.

THankyou. This is the kind of advice and input I was looking for, from someone that's done it. I wasn't sure if the courts would get involved.

OP posts:
girlmom21 · 11/10/2022 16:23

mathanxiety · 11/10/2022 16:22

It sounds to me as if your ex is angry that you have a new partner and is trying to control you.

That's really, clearly not the case at all. His other child lives hours away from him and this one's moving an hour and 40 minutes away!

User135792468 · 11/10/2022 16:23

Op, would you be happy to give him custody in the week and then say he has to travel the 1h40 for you to see your dd? If the answer is no then you shouldn’t move. If it is yes, then offer him that option. Otherwise stay where you are and don’t put your boyfriend before your child.

Original poster
CZP22 · 11/10/2022 16:24

mathanxiety · 11/10/2022 16:22

It sounds to me as if your ex is angry that you have a new partner and is trying to control you.

No x
He's not an ex, we were never together it was a fling. He's not a bad person x

OP posts:
ForeverFailing · 11/10/2022 16:24

CZP22 · 11/10/2022 15:47

I do work yes but that's not relevant.
I'm asking if he could take me to court and / or if anyones done this and what advice they could give to maintain a good relationship.

Show quote history

Yes, he can take you to court. The only way you can maintain the relationship as it is now is for you to do the drops off and pick ups. If your child is at school then you need to stay where you are until she is old enough to get about herself. You are doing your daughter a disservice by moving her further away from her family just so you can be with your partner.

girlmom21 · 11/10/2022 16:25

You'll probably be better off coming to an out of court agreement - just to save yourself a lot of time and stress.

Matilda1981 · 11/10/2022 16:25

You can most definitely move! It may be that you have to do one journey and your ex has to do the other journey (which is what happens in my case even tho my ex moved away!).

Beees · 11/10/2022 16:25

mathanxiety · 11/10/2022 16:22

It sounds to me as if your ex is angry that you have a new partner and is trying to control you.

To be fair if his daughter lived with him and he wanted to move her over an hour away to live with a new partner I doubt anyone would be calling the child's murm controlling. I would imagimost doting parents would be angry if they thought they were unlikely to see much of their child.

Anyfeckinusername · 11/10/2022 16:27

There is so much shite on this thread!!!!!

This isn't a moral court of law or a request for how indignant you feel at this scenario!

I'm not a solicitor (but I see one posted upthread from @feistymama75 - listen to her ) but I've been in a very similar scenario.

It's not a case of "you moved, your responsibility"

Also, your relationship IS important. As is being nearer family, friends and a support network. You can make a case too. These things have value.

Is there a legal thread to post on - because you're getting a kangaroo court in here.

XJerseyGirlX · 11/10/2022 16:28

Also , just to add. Ex did try to stop me moving and went for custody ( I completely understood his reasons why ) but the judge said he didn't have the power to stop me moving on with life and being happy elsewhere and wouldn't take a daughter from her mother either.

girlmom21 · 11/10/2022 16:28

Anyfeckinusername · 11/10/2022 16:27

There is so much shite on this thread!!!!!

This isn't a moral court of law or a request for how indignant you feel at this scenario!

I'm not a solicitor (but I see one posted upthread from @feistymama75 - listen to her ) but I've been in a very similar scenario.

It's not a case of "you moved, your responsibility"

Also, your relationship IS important. As is being nearer family, friends and a support network. You can make a case too. These things have value.

Is there a legal thread to post on - because you're getting a kangaroo court in here.

To be fair she also asked how she can approach this amicably - that's where the morals have come into it.

Catapultaway · 11/10/2022 16:28

ForeverFailing · 11/10/2022 16:24

Yes, he can take you to court. The only way you can maintain the relationship as it is now is for you to do the drops off and pick ups. If your child is at school then you need to stay where you are until she is old enough to get about herself. You are doing your daughter a disservice by moving her further away from her family just so you can be with your partner.

Show quote history

But of time to go. Daughter is only months old.
I feel for the sun too, surely he had friends etc that he's having to leave.

titchy · 11/10/2022 16:29

AssumingDirectControl · 11/10/2022 16:18

And you can't be forced to stay in one place for the rest of your child's childhood - any more than you can force your child's dad to stay in contact.

You can if that’s what the court decides.

Well no, OP can't be ordered to stay. Their dc on the other hand....

Maybe their father would be happy to have the majority of care and you travel every weekend to have contact?

mathanxiety · 11/10/2022 16:30

Also, you're not responsible for the problems he has wrt contact with his son "Jake".

His circus, his monkeys. He seems to want the women in his life, past and present, to solve his problems for him. If he didn't want a baby then he should have taken responsibility for his own contraception.

Keep that text he sent you.
It's very revealing.

THisbackwithavengeance · 11/10/2022 16:33

Ignore the nasty posters OP. Some people just like to stick the knife in and God Forbid that you think of your own happiness once in a while rather than sacrificing yourself on the Altar of Motherhood.

It's an hour and a half in a car. Not a journey to the Moon. I would suggest you do the journey one week whether your DP drives or you take a train and he does it the other week.

Job done.

mathanxiety · 11/10/2022 16:34

@girlmom21
If he weren't angry about it all, he wouldn't be dumping the problems with "Jake" onto the OP.

Raising objections and making threats when a former partner has someone new in her life is a classic controlling move.

Original poster
CZP22 · 11/10/2022 16:35

THisbackwithavengeance · 11/10/2022 16:33

Ignore the nasty posters OP. Some people just like to stick the knife in and God Forbid that you think of your own happiness once in a while rather than sacrificing yourself on the Altar of Motherhood.

It's an hour and a half in a car. Not a journey to the Moon. I would suggest you do the journey one week whether your DP drives or you take a train and he does it the other week.

Job done.

Honestly...it's made me feel like an utter scumbag.

I love my children to pieces but yes, god forbid I wanted some happiness eh.

OP posts:
girlmom21 · 11/10/2022 16:36

mathanxiety · 11/10/2022 16:34

@girlmom21
If he weren't angry about it all, he wouldn't be dumping the problems with "Jake" onto the OP.

Raising objections and making threats when a former partner has someone new in her life is a classic controlling move.

No he's just sad that the issues he had with contact with the first child are going to arise again, IMO.
And yeah he's probably angry too but I don't think wanting a sustainable relationship is unreasonable

mathanxiety · 11/10/2022 16:38

@Beees

Nobody would call the mum controlling as long as she didn't threaten to take the father of her child to court for unspecified reasons amd remedies, just in order to instill fear and hesitancy, as this man is doing.

And an hour and forty minutes is nothing. She's not moving to Perthshire or deepest Cornwall from Birmingham.