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Original poster

Can he take me to court for this?

345 replies

CZP22 · 11/10/2022 14:42

I co parent with my daughters dad and everything has been fine. No rows, drama etc and we co parent well.
I have decided to move back to my home town and spoke to him regarding either sharing travel or meeting half way at weekends to maintain them having contact. He's had her overnight every weekend since birth.
This was his response
"When jake was little his mum took him away and I've missed out on so much, taking him to school etc. And for 8 years she has refused to do any of the travelling even though it's the moving parent that has to maintain contact, because she knows I weren't able to afford to take her to court. So I had no choice if I wanted to see him, I have to do 4hr round trip on a Fri and a Sunday costing me over £120 just to see him.
So if you think I'm gonna do the same with Zoe, after me telling you I'm i was in no position to have another child and couldn't afford another child when you got pregnant and you basically told me I had no choice, then you're mistaken. If you want to take her away then it's you who has to maintain contact. And a court will agree with me and luckily I'll be able to afford it this time."

Can he take me to court for this? How do I approach this amicably?
It's annoying he uses the premise that I got pregnant on purpose but I understand he feels upset

OP posts:
Beees · 11/10/2022 15:54

We will be moving into his house.

So not closer to him at all but actually living with him!

In l honestly it sounds like you think you've found your children a new dad and now your daughter doesn't need her rel dad any more.

I really hope he takes you to court.

SquishyGloopyBum · 11/10/2022 15:54

Your ex already does a 4hr round trip at the weekend for his other child. How would that even work logistically with yours? If it's different weekends then he'd be doing miles and miles every weekend.

He's right. He could take you to court and would likely win.

You can't move to be with your partner.

Original poster
CZP22 · 11/10/2022 15:55

feistymama75 · 11/10/2022 15:53

I work in family law. There are three scenarios which may happen in relation to travel if he decides to issue an application. 1) he is ordered to do all the travelling, 2) you are ordered to do all the travelling or 3) you are ordered to share the travelling.

It will depend on the magistrates/judges on the day as to which outcome would be ordered.

The posters saying the court will order you to do all the travelling as you moved is nonsense. They may or they may not. I've had different clients experience all of the different possible outcomes with identical situations. There really is no way of knowing. Most likely would be shared travel. But that's just a most likely not a definite.

THankyou. This is all I wanted to know.

OP posts:

Interested in this thread?

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Families Family law General parenting Relationship problems
HangryFeminist · 11/10/2022 15:55

Oh yes as PP said he can block your move also possibly.

As an RAF brat, I got dragged around the country every two years with my parents postings. It wasn’t nice. I lost lots of friends and struggled to put down roots as an adult because of it. Does your new partner run this risk?

OneForTheRoadThen · 11/10/2022 15:55

Okay in that case courts look more favourably on the resident parent moving to be near a support network - at least that's the legal advice I got.

Youcancallmeirrelevant · 11/10/2022 15:55

Yes he can take you to court, and i hope he does OP. You can't just decide to move yourself and your child 100'a of miles away and think he wouldn't challenge it. It completely changes the relationship he is able to have with his child, anf the courts will be focused on what is best for the child, their friendships, not yours!

Notofamilyholidays · 11/10/2022 15:57

CZP22 · 11/10/2022 15:55

THankyou. This is all I wanted to know.

Show quote history

OP wouldn't it have been easier and a little less stressful just to go see a family solicitor, most of which offer a free 30 - 60 minutes' advice and you could have gotten exactly same advice without leaving yourself open to abuse? Why do people not yet realise what a truly awful place MN is to ask for unbiased advice

Georgeskitchen · 11/10/2022 15:58

Men who are not in a position to have another child should not put themselves in a position where they might. Either have the snip or keep it in his pants.
Just remind him it takes 2 people to make a baby!!

schloop · 11/10/2022 16:00

How old is the child?

Catapultaway · 11/10/2022 16:01

Your daughter is 8 months old and you've been in a relationship with this guy for a few months and you're going to move you and your two kids in with him??
I sense 3 kids, 3 dad's and you being single again very soon.

Original poster
CZP22 · 11/10/2022 16:02

Youcancallmeirrelevant · 11/10/2022 15:55

Yes he can take you to court, and i hope he does OP. You can't just decide to move yourself and your child 100'a of miles away and think he wouldn't challenge it. It completely changes the relationship he is able to have with his child, anf the courts will be focused on what is best for the child, their friendships, not yours!

I came for advice and insight and now I feel I have to completely defend myself 😂 so I'll try and put my side across simply.

  • I moved here 11 years ago with an abusive ex, and stayed so he could maintain contact with our son. Ex was arrrsted 3 years ago and walked out and I've not allowed him back near my child.
  • my partner has been my best friend fir 14 years and we have fallen in love. He's not just some random bloke I met that im moving my kids in with.. he's been there through absolutely everything.
  • me and my daughters dad were never an item, it was a casual fling. I fell pregnant, I told him he could walk away but he stuck around.

Now the time has come I want a fresh start away from this place which holds nothing but bad memories and the chance of bumping in to my sons dad if he doesn't go to prison where he belongs.
My family and friends all want me home and especially my partner.
Im not some scumbag. Im lonely, and I want to go home. But I will absolutely share the travel to bring her back to her dad. I don't have a bad word to say against him or his family.

OP posts:
girlmom21 · 11/10/2022 16:05

From a practical perspective, is it actually feasible for you to share the the travel and it not be a horrible journey for your daughter?

If his other child's a couple of hours away, are you moving in that same direction or the opposite direction?

cptartapp · 11/10/2022 16:07

Georgeskitchen · 11/10/2022 15:58

Men who are not in a position to have another child should not put themselves in a position where they might. Either have the snip or keep it in his pants.
Just remind him it takes 2 people to make a baby!!

This

AssumingDirectControl · 11/10/2022 16:07

feistymama75 · 11/10/2022 15:53

I work in family law. There are three scenarios which may happen in relation to travel if he decides to issue an application. 1) he is ordered to do all the travelling, 2) you are ordered to do all the travelling or 3) you are ordered to share the travelling.

It will depend on the magistrates/judges on the day as to which outcome would be ordered.

The posters saying the court will order you to do all the travelling as you moved is nonsense. They may or they may not. I've had different clients experience all of the different possible outcomes with identical situations. There really is no way of knowing. Most likely would be shared travel. But that's just a most likely not a definite.

These three scenarios rely on the court granting permission for the child to relocate in the first instance.

CharlotteCollinsneeLucas · 11/10/2022 16:07

Now the time has come I want a fresh start

I hear what you're saying, but I don't see how this is the right time for your daughter to move.

Beees · 11/10/2022 16:09

Now the time has come I want a fresh start away from this place which holds nothing but bad memories

Which is a fine thing to want but unfortunately it's not what your daughter needs.

QuinkWashable · 11/10/2022 16:10

You're taking a hammering here OP.

Of course you matter too. And you can't be forced to stay in one place for the rest of your child's childhood - any more than you can force your child's dad to stay in contact. It's great if you can and he does, but it's not compulsory!

Having said that, there's the travel. I live in the sticks, so my kids travel 30 minutes each way to get to school (and when I was a kid, I travelled even longer to get to secondary), so personally I don't see that drive, once a week, as the end of the world for devoted parents - in fact, it shares the load - at the moment you're miserable and away from your support network, but it's easy for him. This way it'll be jointly tricky for both of you. You really should learn to drive though - sharing the journey would be fair, as would reconsidering how access is split.

CharlotteCollinsneeLucas · 11/10/2022 16:12

Georgeskitchen · 11/10/2022 15:58

Men who are not in a position to have another child should not put themselves in a position where they might. Either have the snip or keep it in his pants.
Just remind him it takes 2 people to make a baby!!

Well yes, OP also put herself in a position where she could get pregnant. Irresponsibility on both sides, really.

But now the child is there, so a bit late for the blame game really.

MervynPumpkinhead · 11/10/2022 16:13

I know you're getting a real bashing here OP but I think the majority of people have a point. The only thing I'll say is that you both got pregnant, not you alone. If ex didn't want another child, he should have been responsible enough not to impregnate you.

this line is always trotted out, but on the flip side OP had options. If she didn't want to be tied to a particular town or do 7 hours of travel a week to facilitate contact she should have taken the pill, had a coil fitted, had an abortion etc. She had more options than the father whose relationship with his child she is trying to ruin to suit her new boyfriend.

Thankfully the courts are waking up more to the rights of the child and the father. Be careful OP the courts do and can award custody of children to the father, if the mothers are unreasonable and try to make contact for the father harder.

Original poster
CZP22 · 11/10/2022 16:15

MervynPumpkinhead · 11/10/2022 16:13

I know you're getting a real bashing here OP but I think the majority of people have a point. The only thing I'll say is that you both got pregnant, not you alone. If ex didn't want another child, he should have been responsible enough not to impregnate you.

this line is always trotted out, but on the flip side OP had options. If she didn't want to be tied to a particular town or do 7 hours of travel a week to facilitate contact she should have taken the pill, had a coil fitted, had an abortion etc. She had more options than the father whose relationship with his child she is trying to ruin to suit her new boyfriend.

Thankfully the courts are waking up more to the rights of the child and the father. Be careful OP the courts do and can award custody of children to the father, if the mothers are unreasonable and try to make contact for the father harder.

I'd like to point out that I did infact have the implant fitted. I'm not irresponsible and I did not want another child myself.
I'd just started my dream job and my son was older and I'm in my 30s. That being said, me and him absolutely dote on her. She's an amazing child.
An abortion wasn't an option for me, mentally I could not have handled it.

OP posts:
Comefromaway · 11/10/2022 16:15

Unless you lied to him about contraception then you both hold responsibility for you having the baby I don;t agree with him over that.

But everything else, yes, if you choose to move away then it is up to you to do the travelling to facilitate contact.

CharlotteCollinsneeLucas · 11/10/2022 16:16

I don't think the word custody is used these days, but it did cross my mind if the girl could live with her father and travel to see OP instead.

Original poster
CZP22 · 11/10/2022 16:16

MervynPumpkinhead · 11/10/2022 16:13

I know you're getting a real bashing here OP but I think the majority of people have a point. The only thing I'll say is that you both got pregnant, not you alone. If ex didn't want another child, he should have been responsible enough not to impregnate you.

this line is always trotted out, but on the flip side OP had options. If she didn't want to be tied to a particular town or do 7 hours of travel a week to facilitate contact she should have taken the pill, had a coil fitted, had an abortion etc. She had more options than the father whose relationship with his child she is trying to ruin to suit her new boyfriend.

Thankfully the courts are waking up more to the rights of the child and the father. Be careful OP the courts do and can award custody of children to the father, if the mothers are unreasonable and try to make contact for the father harder.

Absolutely NOT what I'm trying to do and not what I want.

OP posts:
AssumingDirectControl · 11/10/2022 16:18

And you can't be forced to stay in one place for the rest of your child's childhood - any more than you can force your child's dad to stay in contact.

You can if that’s what the court decides.

Hapoydayz · 11/10/2022 16:19

I don’t see why you are getting a hard time. You are clearly trying to maintain contact. The travel can be shared. I’m sure if he moved he would not be getting berated as long as the travel were shared. You can’t put your life on hold for what would be seen as a minimal commute.