Can he take me to court for this?

[CZP22]

I co parent with my daughters dad and everything has been fine. No rows, drama etc and we co parent well.
I have decided to move back to my home town and spoke to him regarding either sharing travel or meeting half way at weekends to maintain them having contact. He's had her overnight every weekend since birth.
This was his response
"When jake was little his mum took him away and I've missed out on so much, taking him to school etc. And for 8 years she has refused to do any of the travelling even though it's the moving parent that has to maintain contact, because she knows I weren't able to afford to take her to court. So I had no choice if I wanted to see him, I have to do 4hr round trip on a Fri and a Sunday costing me over £120 just to see him.
So if you think I'm gonna do the same with Zoe, after me telling you I'm i was in no position to have another child and couldn't afford another child when you got pregnant and you basically told me I had no choice, then you're mistaken. If you want to take her away then it's you who has to maintain contact. And a court will agree with me and luckily I'll be able to afford it this time."

Can he take me to court for this? How do I approach this amicably?
It's annoying he uses the premise that I got pregnant on purpose but I understand he feels upset

This is very strange, its like my partners ex wrote this... My partner moved away for his quality of life when he seperated from his ex. She obviously kept their child and he went every week to pick the child up/ see the child. That was his choice and he paid the cost for the travel as well as keeping up with all expected payments . He travels 3/4 hours on a return visit, so 6/8 hours in total for a weekend with fuel and still paying the CM.

However, until recently she decided she wanted to move, same reasons as you but further than they already lived. Making a one way journey 4 hours. So now my DH travels 16 hours , 8 hours return visit, with a 9 year old , still pays more than he should in CM and pays for all the fuel. She promised she would meet half way to help with the cost etc and she doesnt, shes done it once in 4 years.

Generally the outgoing of this cost a month is about £500 (with CM). There are other costs that go into the change of distance, such as car insurance increases due to mileage, risk etc as well as more regular servicing for the car doing almost 20,000 miles a year on this travel alone. We struggle financially , she expects nothing less than what she has been used to. Strangely enough she has recently changed jobs so now my DSC lives most the week at his aunties, He spends 1 night at home a week and see's his mum once a week. Shes not a reasonable person, expects everyone else to do everything for her and you just waste your energy and breathe trying to have any normal conversation.

My partner got into serious debt and had to claim bankruptcy as he couldnt afford on his previous wage the cost of this travel etc, however she completley lost it when he was to reduce the CM and for her to help with travel. So he had to put it all on credit cards etc whilst paying of one of her debts as well .... anyway.

He is in a better financial situation now, only just but we make do. We cant afford holidays etc but his DC is never without from our end.

If you are going to offer to travel etc then stick to your word as it has a massive knock on effect for the other parent and family. Only other option is to reduce seeing the child for longer stays in holiday times.

Since your partner is a high-ranking RAF officer who owns his own house, and wants you to move in with him, couldn't he lend you the money to do one of those week-long 'crash' courses in learning to drive?

I wouldnt ask him to do that.
I like to pay my own way x

I just wandered onto mumsnet today to see what it's about and stumbled on this thread. I don't know the answer to your question, but I'm also quite frankly shocked at the attitudes of some respondents, who don't know you or your situation but just make their assumptions anyway. Those who say you "should have had an abortion" should think about how a child, hearing about themselves discussed in such terms might feel. Such shallowness. I hope you (plural) can negotiate a good working solution to your dilemma.

What part of getting into a relationship with a military man when you already have 2 kids from two different fathers, one of whom wants to actively parent his child, did you ever think was a good idea? How did this relationship get past the first date?

Leave the relationship, put your children first, use reliable contraception.

That's just a ridiculous input. Sorry, I'm open to criticism etc but no. That's absolutely not going to happen.

I'd like you to read my posts properly
Before saying anything

Also there is other things that would happen before court, like mediation etc. If you are co-operating and can work this out there is no reason a court would get involved. Courts tend to get involved when it goes beyond the point of fixing it by other professionals, and/or if one parents refuses the other parent to see the child, refuses to give a child back etc. The police would become involved but i think only if one parents has the majority of the PR , like the child was granted to live with you only. Non of that has happened though so i think your ex has watched to many tv shows ....

If you stick to your word and dont put it all on your ex to do, then theres no reason why he would need to try court. It wont really gain anything except two parents who cant work together for their child. It will be expensive and will be a waste of time for everyone invovled and this isnt an issue that needs a judge to decide on.

I think this could become a huge weight round your neck. I have a 17yo DD who has lived between two homes since she was about 6. She hates it. Things she wants are always in the wrong house, the rules and routines are naturally different in each house so it takes a little while to feel at home in each place, and then it's time to go again. And all of that when we live half an hour apart and she goes to school halfway between us, so she can see the same friends from both places, go to parties from either house and so on.

This is a commitment that you're signing up to for the whole of your DD's childhood. I think you're underestimating how much you're asking your DD to cope with. One thing that could happen is she stops wanting to see her dad so much because it's such a hassle, she misses seeing friends, going to parties, and so on.

No I know, and I want to avoid court if possible because atm we have a good relationship. And I want to maintain that for our daughters sake.

It just sounds like he has just instantly thought of the negatives and how it will affect him. He will calm down and then you can have a proper chat. He would need to see a solictor first and you both can, so you can have it in writing the terms and cond. of the new arrangement for travel if that would ease his mind.

Your mental health is important and if you will have more support moving then no one will say otherwise. No one can tell you were to live. It is disruptive for the child but do it sooner than later. Does you child know this plan at all, has it been discussed etc? You and ex need to be on the same page before broaching this as he will just get in your childs head about moving and try and poss sabotage it.

She wants to do 50/50, but 50/50 would more driving than he is doing now, so he can refuse. Then it will be down to the courts will decide if that's fair or if she should do the majority of the travelling.

Sorry if it’s already been mentioned but how old is your daughter?

Correct me if I'm wrong, but I can't see where you've answered where his oldest child lives (don't want precise location, obviously, just a general direction) and how this would work when trying to see both DC, although the question has been asked numerous times. Is it the intention to have them alternate weekends?

I've a friend with 4 primary aged kids, abusive dad - largely financial but he thumped her too.

She has been court ordered that the children must remain resident in the county in which the marital home was - even though she cannot afford the area and has signifcant support if she move back to her home town where her parents / siblings still live. (Dad doesn't want them living with him and his girlfriend!)

Would you like her to move all her friends & family to where her daughter's Dad's older child lives??

A lot of people on mumsnet have experience of what the op is asking though. What happens in 10 years when he stops coming to see dd as its too far and she doesn't want to go to see him?

You are moving to live with your partner, that's not wrong, but you don't seem to have considered your dd and the long term impact

The rule is that the person who moves does the travelling.

Is it possible to decrease how often he has contact but increase how long it lasts.

E.g if he has them overnight every Friday, can it be all weekend EOW or something so there’s less travelling.

It’s a hard situation and I do genuinely feel for him but you can’t put your life on hold for 18 years.

Does the other dad see his child at all?
Is it court ordered?

@mathanxiety

He can't simultaneously argue that he didn't want another baby and whine about missing the baby.

A pregnancy that's hardly started is not the same as a person who is here. This has to be one of the bizarrist things I've read on mumsnet today (and I'm on holiday on a beach doing nothing)

To answer your actual question, yes the court can get involved and one of the options they can order is you doing all the travelling. Another option is a court order that you stay within X distance of the father’s residence (so long as he doesn’t move).

How likely these are depends on the attitude of your local court. I would suggest a local solicitor.

You will almost definitely have to pay for this - firstly the ‘free half hour’ so many people put forward isn’t some legal right and many firms don’t offer it and secondly, if they do, it tends to be generic advice (what information you will need for a divorce, likely timescales etc.). I would be very surprised if any solicitor could answer your question in 30 minutes from a standing start of knowing nothing about your case.

Worst case scenario, you move, he goes to court and you get ordered to move back. I have no idea how likely that is - a solicitor who regularly attends the local family court should have some idea.

THankyou everyone that's answered my original question.

It would be possible if he was open to it. But I know he works Friday nights and Saturday day times so really the only
Time he gets her is a Saturday night and brings her back Sunday evening, though I know his mum would be more than happy to have her on the Friday night. This would be great, because atm he doesn't get any weekends to himself either. But it's wether he will go for it

She has been court ordered that the children must remain resident in the county in which the marital home was - even though she cannot afford the area and has signifcant support if she move back to her home town where her parents / siblings still live. (Dad doesn't want them living with him and his girlfriend!)

UK courts allowing abuse to continue like this, actual court sanctioned abuse - presumably because he had an expensive barrister and she couldn't afford one - is horrific.

Sorry, I’ve just realised I’ve only given the worst case scenarios from your point of view. The court can equally say 50/50 travel or he does all the travelling - again, a local solicitor is likely to know the attitude of your local court

@averageavocado A lot of people on mumsnet have experience of what the op is asking though.

Of course, you're right. Not disputing that. My point, which I think I made quite clear, is that she has left herself open to a lot of abuse and ridicule by the not so nice people on here. And even with the posts where people are sharing genuine advice and personal stories, none of them are consistent and so she's still not getting a real measure of what will or may happen in her own situation. She could have had an easier time going to get some initial free advice from an actual legal professional. My opinion only of course