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Original poster

Can he take me to court for this?

345 replies

CZP22 · 11/10/2022 14:42

I co parent with my daughters dad and everything has been fine. No rows, drama etc and we co parent well.
I have decided to move back to my home town and spoke to him regarding either sharing travel or meeting half way at weekends to maintain them having contact. He's had her overnight every weekend since birth.
This was his response
"When jake was little his mum took him away and I've missed out on so much, taking him to school etc. And for 8 years she has refused to do any of the travelling even though it's the moving parent that has to maintain contact, because she knows I weren't able to afford to take her to court. So I had no choice if I wanted to see him, I have to do 4hr round trip on a Fri and a Sunday costing me over £120 just to see him.
So if you think I'm gonna do the same with Zoe, after me telling you I'm i was in no position to have another child and couldn't afford another child when you got pregnant and you basically told me I had no choice, then you're mistaken. If you want to take her away then it's you who has to maintain contact. And a court will agree with me and luckily I'll be able to afford it this time."

Can he take me to court for this? How do I approach this amicably?
It's annoying he uses the premise that I got pregnant on purpose but I understand he feels upset

OP posts:
FirstnameSuesecondnamePerb · 11/10/2022 16:42

I think you need to work out how you get your daughter there and back. If you can do that then crack on. Yabu to expect him to suddenly find the time and money to do it.

Beees · 11/10/2022 16:42

Nobody would call the mum controlling as long as she didn't threaten to take the father of her child to court for unspecified reasons

I hardly think moving the child almost 2 hours away is an unspecified reason.

Look the simple fact is the OP asked if he could take her to court and he can.

mathanxiety · 11/10/2022 16:42

@girlmom21
When he says in one paragraph that he never wanted the child, then turns around and insists the OP can't move the child because he wants a sustained relationship with her, he starts to look like the dog in the manger.

This is a case of a man having a jealous hissy fit.

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Original poster
CZP22 · 11/10/2022 16:43

FirstnameSuesecondnamePerb · 11/10/2022 16:42

I think you need to work out how you get your daughter there and back. If you can do that then crack on. Yabu to expect him to suddenly find the time and money to do it.

No where have I said that.
I am NOT expecting him to do all the travel. I stayed in my original post I offered shared or to meet him halfway.

OP posts:
PurplePinecone · 11/10/2022 16:43

You haven't answered op... Is where your moving in the same direction as where he needs to travel to get his son? Or opposite direction? If it's opposite direction that's not really nice of you knowing he already has a long journey.

CharlotteCollinsneeLucas · 11/10/2022 16:43

An hour and forty minutes, what, twice a weekend, for the first fifteen or so years of her life - that's nothing? I think you're thinking about this from the adults' point of view.

I'd hate it. That poor girl.

BadNomad · 11/10/2022 16:44

Does he have PR? If so, he can stop you doing a lot of things with regard to your joint daughter. I didn't notice if you said how old she is, but if she's school aged you will need his permission to change schools, for example.

catell01 · 11/10/2022 16:44

@CZP22 Honestly...it's made me feel like an utter scumbag.

You have taken some flak but surely anyone who posts on MN should expect unreasonable, biased, nasty comments - with maybe a tiny hint of common sense, if you're lucky. I'm not sure how anyone is so naive as to expect anything else. 99% of people who start threads and those who offer opinions are vilified, bullied and patronised.

This is the kind of dilemma for proper legal advice so wrong thread at the very least. Ideally should have been kept off MN altogether and taken to a solicitor if a reasonable agreement can't be reached between mum and dad

Good luck with it all and I hope it cam be resolved so all parties are (reasonably) happy

girlmom21 · 11/10/2022 16:44

mathanxiety · 11/10/2022 16:42

@girlmom21
When he says in one paragraph that he never wanted the child, then turns around and insists the OP can't move the child because he wants a sustained relationship with her, he starts to look like the dog in the manger.

This is a case of a man having a jealous hissy fit.

He's saying he wasn't in a position to have a child - not that he didnt want the child - then stuck around and built a relationship with her and it's being taken away.

Either way, the OP appears to have made her decision which is fine but she will hopefully be able to find a way to sustain his contact with his daughter too. She's said numerous times he's never caused her any issues so hopefully they'll remain amicable.

Original poster
CZP22 · 11/10/2022 16:44

BadNomad · 11/10/2022 16:44

Does he have PR? If so, he can stop you doing a lot of things with regard to your joint daughter. I didn't notice if you said how old she is, but if she's school aged you will need his permission to change schools, for example.

Yes he has PR and he's on her birth certificate.
I'm not looking to undermine his parental rights here. I was simply asking if the courts would get involved.

OP posts:
girlmom21 · 11/10/2022 16:45

OP I've got another idea. Presumably he currently pays maintenance. Would you be prepared to go 50/50 contact and then do one full journey each - so you collect her for your contact and he collects her for his? That way the money he's saving in maintenance can pay his travel?

Original poster
CZP22 · 11/10/2022 16:46

girlmom21 · 11/10/2022 16:45

OP I've got another idea. Presumably he currently pays maintenance. Would you be prepared to go 50/50 contact and then do one full journey each - so you collect her for your contact and he collects her for his? That way the money he's saving in maintenance can pay his travel?

Absolutely. And I've told him I'm happy for him to take travel costs out of her maintenance, or even just keep it and spend it on her when he has her

OP posts:
girlmom21 · 11/10/2022 16:47

Or agree to do all drop offs and pick ups once you've passed your test if he increases maintenance so you can afford driving lessons. I know loads of people will say that's not what maintenance is for but he's going to lose out one way or another.

CharlotteCollinsneeLucas · 11/10/2022 16:47

girlmom21 · 11/10/2022 16:45

OP I've got another idea. Presumably he currently pays maintenance. Would you be prepared to go 50/50 contact and then do one full journey each - so you collect her for your contact and he collects her for his? That way the money he's saving in maintenance can pay his travel?

How would that work - would she go to two different schools?

girlmom21 · 11/10/2022 16:48

I think you've been fair in offering that then and it does sound like that's the easiest option for him to maintain the relationship so hopefully it doesn't get to court.

Sorry if I was harsh earlier - I think I was projecting based on my own childhood.

BadNomad · 11/10/2022 16:48

CZP22 · 11/10/2022 16:44

Yes he has PR and he's on her birth certificate.
I'm not looking to undermine his parental rights here. I was simply asking if the courts would get involved.

Show quote history

Yes, the courts will get involved if the parents can't compromise. They will expect you to show how you plan to maintain the contact between the child and her father.

Mama1980 · 11/10/2022 16:50

I haven't RTFT but basically yes. The court would get involved and likely make you facilitate all travel to maintain current levels of contact.

girlmom21 · 11/10/2022 16:50

How would that work - would she go to two different schools?

Or a school half way between them perhaps? I didn't really think about school - more about her spending time with both parents- but it's a good point

catell01 · 11/10/2022 16:50

@girlmom21 OP I've got another idea. Presumably he currently pays maintenance. Would you be prepared to go 50/50 contact and then do one full journey each - so you collect her for your contact and he collects her for his? That way the money he's saving in maintenance can pay his travel?

So poor girl has to live in two different towns, go to two different schools, only see certain friends and family on alternate weeks? Please explain your reasoning just in case I'm misreading this and not going crazy?

Original poster
CZP22 · 11/10/2022 16:51

girlmom21 · 11/10/2022 16:48

I think you've been fair in offering that then and it does sound like that's the easiest option for him to maintain the relationship so hopefully it doesn't get to court.

Sorry if I was harsh earlier - I think I was projecting based on my own childhood.

No need to apologise. I came for unbiased opinions. You gave it, no apology necessary but THankyou anyway

OP posts:
Original poster
CZP22 · 11/10/2022 16:51

catell01 · 11/10/2022 16:50

@girlmom21 OP I've got another idea. Presumably he currently pays maintenance. Would you be prepared to go 50/50 contact and then do one full journey each - so you collect her for your contact and he collects her for his? That way the money he's saving in maintenance can pay his travel?

So poor girl has to live in two different towns, go to two different schools, only see certain friends and family on alternate weeks? Please explain your reasoning just in case I'm misreading this and not going crazy?

She's not in school.

OP posts:
AsterixInEngland · 11/10/2022 16:53

BadNomad · 11/10/2022 16:48

Yes, the courts will get involved if the parents can't compromise. They will expect you to show how you plan to maintain the contact between the child and her father.

Show quote history

So that’s nit an issue is it? Because the OP has clearly stated to him that she wants to continue contact, she wants him involved, would like to do 50/50 fir the travel and has offered shared cost etc….

so basically,y she has proven all that.

Reading the posts in here, you’d think she is moving to another country and stopping her dd to ever see her dad again. And is planning to kill a litter of puppies at the same time.

catell01 · 11/10/2022 16:54

@CZP22 She's not in school

But surely its a reasonable assumption that she will be at some point???

AsterixInEngland · 11/10/2022 16:55

@CZP22 has he ever taken up your proposal to go 50/50 and he is giving his child half of the time?
why is he nit jumping to that opportunity if he is so keen to be involved in his dc life?

Original poster
CZP22 · 11/10/2022 16:57

AsterixInEngland · 11/10/2022 16:55

@CZP22 has he ever taken up your proposal to go 50/50 and he is giving his child half of the time?
why is he nit jumping to that opportunity if he is so keen to be involved in his dc life?

No but I do understand why it wouldn't be possible for him to have 50/50.
He works all the hours god sends. I work as a nursery nurse and my daughter is actually in the nursery I work at. Him having her in the week would be impossible for him honestly.

OP posts: