"My mother used to love babies because their needs were straightforward and fairly simple. Bottle. Changing. Cuddle. Sleep. Once they started developing their own individuality and personalities, I could see her starting to struggle relating to them - especially when they were less biddable and more challenging. Her solution was to immediately lash out and smack. When mine were toddlers and had a temper tantrum, she would straight away tell me that a quick slap would stop it and, “that I never had any issues like that with you” She also had no patience with children asking genuine questions to acquire understanding and knowledge. Her view was that they should sit quietly in the corner with a book or entertain themselves without any adult interaction."
I can really relate to this @JohnPrescottsPyjamas
When I was struggling with sleep deprivation my dm would say she loved the baby stage best, and that me and my siblings were "such good babies" and "slept really well!" I felt like replying "yes because this was time when babies got put in a cot, in their own room, on their front and from a couple of weeks old they were left to cry it out!"
She said when we were toddlers we "never had tantrums" and that my dc are having them because "they are spoiled" and that i was "pandering to them." She would go around telling everyone my first dc was such "hard work" and how I was "far too soft." I hardly think actually asking my child if they are okay is pandering. I replied with "oh that's funny because I actually remember having several tantrums around 2/3" and conveniently she selectively didn't remember it, and gave me a 'no that didn't happen look!'
Needless to say dm's style of parenting coupled with no emotion support growing up, meant i could never come to her with problems, or for advice. Anything positive or achievement related got forgotten, she couldn't remember what i was studying at college (it wasnt difficult, it was 3 subjects). Yet anything negative would be written in stone and end up around my entire family. I quickly learned not to disclose any private information. Therefore she knew nothing of my life as a teenager, and actually wondered why!
Df isn't much better expecting my undivided attention when I have young toddlers running around. He will sit on his bum, not move, does nothing to help out then say voice raised "are you listening?" as I'm trying to prevent child a from scaling a bookcase, or another from having a melt down because he wants a certain toy. He expects to have me host him, run around after him and acts like the dc aren't there, his needs trump theirs in his weird world.