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Is it fair DC and I have to sleep in the living room?

180 replies

beefinthetrifle · 08/08/2022 02:08

My partner works as a police officer and is also an extremely light sleeper, before DC was born has no problem falling asleep on the sofa but now DC is born wants to have the bedroom himself and thinks that I should take the bassinet into living room as he wakes up when baby wakes and then can’t get back to sleep.

I understand he has to be alert for his job, but feel like it’s unfair I have to lug baby and bassinet downstairs every night.

we don’t have a spare room, live in a one bed and can’t afford to upsize yet.

Our baby is 11 weeks.

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JacquelineCarlyle · 08/08/2022 02:12

Surely this is a joke thread - if it's real, you need to tell him to fuck off and sleep downstairs or better still, dump the selfish bastard as you'll be better off in the long run.

Sorry, but this has made me extremely angry on your behalf. You and your baby deserve so much better.

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PoundPill · 08/08/2022 02:14

I think he's so tired and exhausted he's not thinking straight and is just desperate for sleep

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beefinthetrifle · 08/08/2022 02:15

JacquelineCarlyle · 08/08/2022 02:12

Surely this is a joke thread - if it's real, you need to tell him to fuck off and sleep downstairs or better still, dump the selfish bastard as you'll be better off in the long run.

Sorry, but this has made me extremely angry on your behalf. You and your baby deserve so much better.

No it’s not a joke :(

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PoundPill · 08/08/2022 02:20

Besides that you're going to have to move somewhere more suitable.

I say this as someone who works long hours and I get so very tired that being denied sleep causes a sort of delirious madness. All you want is sleep no matter what.

I can see both sides naturally as it's pretty shit to be asked to move to the living room but in his delirious mind it makes sense as you don't need to get up for work.

If he's late to work or makes mistakes at work he'll get fired.

You need to talk about this as you're a team. A family unit giving and taking to get by

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PoundPill · 08/08/2022 02:24

He will also be frustrated that he can't earn enough for you all to upsize adding to the stress.

How would you feel if he loses his job?

He needs to know it makes you feel like crap being forced to move to the living room.

Again you both need to discuss it

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endofthelinefinally · 08/08/2022 02:24

He needs ear plugs and a good quality sleep sofa downstairs. You and baby can stay upstairs. Make sure you have everything you need up there.

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Justyouwaitandseeagain · 08/08/2022 02:26

Is there anywhere else he can sleep when on shift? A family member / friends / colleagues spare room?

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Donotgogentle · 08/08/2022 02:26

Why isn’t he sleeping in the living room?

I think sleeping in separate rooms makes sense if your partner needs to get a decent sleep but it seems ridiculous that it’s you and the baby moving.

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beefinthetrifle · 08/08/2022 02:26

I wouldn’t mind so much if he helped me more on his days off, but on his days off he thinks he needs a rest so I don’t really get a break. I asked to let me have a nap earlier in the day time and baby was with him, when baby woke up and needed a feed (we are bottle feeding) instead of dealing with him himself he brought him to me and woke me up and he carried on watching TV.
he also still expects me to clean and make food still. I’ve talked about this before but accepted that nothing will change.
Now I’m banished to the living room so I’m really fed up now:
probably do just need to have a proper conversation with him on this and look at moving.

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MamMedusa · 08/08/2022 02:26

Why can't he sleep in the living room? My DH is military and some days has to be up at 3-4am etc, but he's the one who sleeps on the sofa if needs be.
You'll never be able to get baby into a routine if they don't have a bedroom to settle in.

You need to tell him how selfish he's being.

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Arenanewbie · 08/08/2022 02:27

He camps downstairs, you and baby upstairs. Sound travels up so he will be better placed downstairs.

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endofthelinefinally · 08/08/2022 02:30

It doesnt sound as if he is ready to be a father. Are you financially dependent on him? Do you have any other support?

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Donotgogentle · 08/08/2022 02:30

Ok - after your update op - he sounds rubbish.

Looking after a baby is proper work, you both need to get an equal amount of time off/time to yourselves.

Make sure you’re on decent contraception.

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IfOnlyOurEyesSawSouls · 08/08/2022 02:30

My DH is a police officer.

He never one did this to me and our children.

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UpToMyElbowsInDiapers · 08/08/2022 02:32

I co-slept with our newborn for several months. DH was on the sofa. No debate, since I was doing every night feed. His back didn’t love the sofa but he thanked his lucky stars for a full night’s sleep. Your partner sounds very inconsiderate.

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PoundPill · 08/08/2022 02:33

Yes your update doesn't paint him in a good light at all

Can you go and stay with family for a while to be around nicer people?

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beefinthetrifle · 08/08/2022 02:41

If I’m being honest I guess I’m really just feeling resentful that I do all the housework and meals, which I did before but foolishly believed he would help once baby was here. I have brought this up so many times that the domestic side of things I know will never change and we can’t afford a cleaner.

Now I do all of that plus the baby and the not being able to sleep in my bed when I’m just as exhausted is now making me feel bitter.

when he does look after DC to give me a break it’s never really a break as he I still have to help him with something. Or he will watch DC while I make food as he refuses to.

he does sleep on sofa sometimes (days off) but when he’s working he wants the bed.

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Thataintnoetchasketch · 08/08/2022 02:45

Does he need to access the living room when he leaves for shift? Presumably he’s waking you & bub when he leaves so him on the couch just makes more sense?

I remember my old neighbour telling me she slept on the couch with her wee one when her DH was working as their baby had terrible colic but I was really shocked and couldn’t believe he would let her do that instead of going to the couch himself.

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Aquamarine1029 · 08/08/2022 02:48

What are the details of your situation? Are you married? Who owns the home? Do you have family you could live with?

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FitFat · 08/08/2022 02:49

Poor OP. Good luck. Do you work? Get a job if not. You will need one if things go south.

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despairingdonut · 08/08/2022 02:50

I think there's an argument to share using the bed / sofa since you both decided to have a child in a 1 bed apartment. What about a sofa bed?

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beefinthetrifle · 08/08/2022 02:51

Aquamarine1029 · 08/08/2022 02:48

What are the details of your situation? Are you married? Who owns the home? Do you have family you could live with?

We are married, we rent. I could live with my parents but I keep hoping he will change and help me more.
he was great when on paternity, apart from the housework etc, but since he’s gone back to work I feel like I have two jobs and his enthusiasm for our child has gone a bit as it’s mostly all left to me now. He doesn’t appreciate it’s a 24 hour job.

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beefinthetrifle · 08/08/2022 02:52

FitFat · 08/08/2022 02:49

Poor OP. Good luck. Do you work? Get a job if not. You will need one if things go south.

Yes I do work I’m just on maternity leave

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Aquamarine1029 · 08/08/2022 02:56

If I were you, I would go to my parents for a good long while, and tell my husband that if he doesn't grow up, I will be filing for divorce. Your husband is being completely unreasonable.

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NiceTwin · 08/08/2022 02:59

You are in a one bed you say.

That means this isn't a temporary problem as I assume baby will be sharing your bedroom unless you move.

I wouldn't be moving out the bedroom foe him. If he is the one inconvenienced by baby crying, he should be the one on the sofa.

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