Is it fair DC and I have to sleep in the living room?

[beefinthetrifle]

My partner works as a police officer and is also an extremely light sleeper, before DC was born has no problem falling asleep on the sofa but now DC is born wants to have the bedroom himself and thinks that I should take the bassinet into living room as he wakes up when baby wakes and then can’t get back to sleep.

I understand he has to be alert for his job, but feel like it’s unfair I have to lug baby and bassinet downstairs every night.

we don’t have a spare room, live in a one bed and can’t afford to upsize yet.

Our baby is 11 weeks.

[greatblueheron]

Move back to your parents. Tell him you're done with his selfish behaviour.

And he is selfish.

Strongly suspect you'd be better off without being in a relationship with him.

[Sellorkeep]

You are recovering from a major impact on your body and you’re sleeping on the couch. He should be ashamed of himself.

[Adversity]

Go to your parents
Tell him why
it may make him change or it may not
if he does not change your choice is divorce or be miserable

[Plumtreebob]

@Tanith - Unfortunately I have had the opposite experience. Of the male police officers I’ve known/been related to: one left his wife and children for an 18yr old (he was 52), one is having an affair with someone they met dealing with a call. The whole station knows and cover it up on family days. One was kicked out for just being a power crazed twat. He must have been really bad given the stuff they seem to let fly. I am not anti-police, as I said one relative is a decent male police officer and I know 2 female PO’s who seem very dedicated to helping people but the police force does seem to attract wannabe “alpha” males who love the power and think women are lesser.

[Buythebag]

Ah, he's a police officer - that explains it.

Seriously though - my dh is far from perfect and has always been next to useless with domestic stuff however - he runs a multi million pound corporation and is a VERY IMPORTANT PERSON 😂in his business (many people rely on him for their jobs). BUT - we have 4 dc's and have had many, many nights broken sleep and the delirious craving for it that pp's have spoken about here and yet he never once told me to go and sleep on the sofa. If he got to a point where he couldn't stand the broken nights (which only maybe happened once or twice) he would go and sleep downstairs. He isn't that much of a dick!

[SuperPets]

probably do just need to have a proper conversation with him on this and look at moving

...OUT. Moving OUT. And away from this tosser

[Clymene]

@Woodswoman

Is every male police officer an absolute arsehole?

A fair proportion of them.

[excellentday]

No, don't you move out. Why should you move out. If his sleep is that important to him, tell him to book into a bloody hotel. Or he can sleep at HIS parents.
He is a selfish twat.
And if baby is awake and crying at night, he'd likely hear them and be woken up anyway if its a 1 bed place, regardless of where you are sleeping. So he is being ridiculous kicking you out of your own bed.
he is a father now and needs to deal with the changes that brings. Kicking your wife and baby out of the bedroom, is not a suitable solution.

[starfishmummy]

Moving needs to be your priority. Whether that is all of you or just you and the baby is for you to decide. You have parents who will help you so why not go for a break and have a think...

[dreamingofsun]

I cant believe some of the stupid suggestions on here. No wonder there are so many single parent famiies around.

He is trying to hold down a detailed and dangerous/stressful job with limited sleep. This must be a nightmare. Driving fast, dealing with people and knives if you arent on your top game doesnt bear thinking about.

Talk to each other to find a solution. This might be moving to a bigger place, or you going back to work so you can earn more money to enable this Ignore the knee jerk idiot suggestions made by some on here

[Eunorition]

Why did you have a baby in a one bed home with a crap man who expects you to do all the housework and cooking? This is literally the fastest route to A Really Shit Life. You can now either stay with him and be treated like a slave or leave him and just be crazy poor.

Your only option is to lay out that it's all unacceptable, he can start doing his share of housework and cooking and he can buy a sofabed. He might suddenly change and become a great partner.

[HOTHotPeppers]

He needs to grow up. When he asks you to leave the room, tell him to fuck off. Make your tea and eat it infront of him. Stop washing his clothes. On his day off leave baby with him and get out for the day. If he carries on complaining, divorce him.

[TabithaTittlemouse]

You are working long hours while caring for his child. You have to be alert too.

Have you got plans to move to a two bed?

[Eunorition]

@dreamingofsun

I cant believe some of the stupid suggestions on here. No wonder there are so many single parent famiies around.

He is trying to hold down a detailed and dangerous/stressful job with limited sleep. This must be a nightmare. Driving fast, dealing with people and knives if you arent on your top game doesnt bear thinking about.

Talk to each other to find a solution. This might be moving to a bigger place, or you going back to work so you can earn more money to enable this Ignore the knee jerk idiot suggestions made by some on here

If they can't afford more than a one bed flat I doubt they can afford the extortionate costs of childcare either.

[dreamingofsun]

maybe they have a relative who is happy to help out a couple of days a week with childcare. Trying to find out solutions that enable the family to stay together should be a priority once you have had a baby.

[honeylulu]

I'm all for not giving up easily but I don't think this will ever get better. It's only likely to get worse. He's always been a chauvinist who thinks you are beneath him and exist to serve him. Now your precious baby is beneath him too. Have a think about when you go back to work. Will he share drop offs and picks ups, take time off when baby is ill, take turns doing overnights so you can get some sleep before work? Like fuck he will.

Go back to your parents, claim maintenance and divorce him. You have no joint property and presumably little in the way of assets so will be fairly simple. Others on here might say going back to your parents might give him a wake up call us I doubt it. This is the man who refuses to make any meals because its the silly little woman's job. The most sincere reaction you are likely to get is "what about meeeee????" because the fool now has to wash his own pants and sort his own dinner.

Better luck with your next husband. Choose wisely!

[howdidigethere]

I do all the housework and meals

I'm so tired of hearing this! Did he give no signs that he would be this way? Was he all charm and heplfulness at first? You're living with a caveman, it won't change (or if he promises to change it won't last long) as it's to his advantage and his attitudes are being reinforced at work etc

[Herejustforthisone]

Oh goody, another police officer who hates women. Terrific.

[liveforsummer]

I'm going against the grain a little bit. If he's working shifts that mean he's asleep when you and dc get up to start the day then it makes sense for him to be in the bedroom. Similarly if it's a shift where he goes out when you are still asleep then it shows be him. A bit of compromise here will work out best for everyone. Of course the lack of help is a bigger issue although not what your OP was about. Firm words needed about that. Go to your parents if you need and see how that goes.

[liveforsummer]

@Nekomata

I think it needs to be said again.

No one should be sleeping on a sofa with a baby. It really isn’t safe at all.

Op made it clear baby is in a bassinet

[Blueberrywitch]

I think who sleeps on the bed depends on who needs the lounge? Does it make sense for you to be in the lounge because, say, you’re up throughout the night and need the kitchen for bottle feeds? So if he was in the lounge, you’d be waking him up throughout the night?

If so, then it does make sense for you to be in the lounge. Alternatively, if you have everything you need in the bedroom and wouldn’t be going into the lounge at all, then it makes sense for him to sleep in the lounge, he can get his uniform ready and have in the lounge all ready to put on and slip out in the morning.

Alternatively, if the couch is terrible for sleeping then maybe it makes sense for you to alternate couch nights.

Unless you actually do need access to the kitchen throughout the night, mum & baby should get first dibs on the bed.

[Plumtreebob]

@dreamingofsun

I cant believe some of the stupid suggestions on here. No wonder there are so many single parent famiies around.

He is trying to hold down a detailed and dangerous/stressful job with limited sleep. This must be a nightmare. Driving fast, dealing with people and knives if you arent on your top game doesnt bear thinking about.

Talk to each other to find a solution. This might be moving to a bigger place, or you going back to work so you can earn more money to enable this Ignore the knee jerk idiot suggestions made by some on here

By this logic all doctors/nurses/surgeons/paramedics/firefighters/ coast guards and so on and so forth get a free pass on raising the children they helped produce. Police officers work shifts and get generous rest days. He has lots of opportunity to sleep.

[namethattunein1]

He has no respect for you or the child. Men like this cannot change I'm afraid.

You even live with that or leave, but you wont change him, because to change he will need to respect you and that would take a personality transplant.

I wasted 3 years with a man like this, part of sticking it out was some belief he would change and looking back, low self -esteem that was OK with a man that viewed me as a possession and less than equal. Wake up OP, NO MAN WHO RESPECTS YOU WOULD ASK THIS.

[KettrickenSmiled]

@dreamingofsun

I cant believe some of the stupid suggestions on here. No wonder there are so many single parent famiies around.

He is trying to hold down a detailed and dangerous/stressful job with limited sleep. This must be a nightmare. Driving fast, dealing with people and knives if you arent on your top game doesnt bear thinking about.

Talk to each other to find a solution. This might be moving to a bigger place, or you going back to work so you can earn more money to enable this Ignore the knee jerk idiot suggestions made by some on here

Oh come off it.

Other men with intense & dangerous jobs manage to step up to parenting & being a decent husband to their post-partum partners.

Or do you think that refusing to cook a meal & give his own baby a is excusable because ... Important ManJob @dreamingofsun ?

[KettrickenSmiled]

Talk to each other to find a solution. This might be moving to a bigger place, or you going back to work so you can earn more money to enable this Ignore the knee jerk idiot suggestions made by some on here

OP has a job. She's on maternity leave. Are you seriously suggesting she cut that leave short, because her husband is an arse who won't care for his own baby or allow his wife to sleep in her own bed?