MIL put photos of my baby on Facebook without permission

[sasscass]

Do any of you think this is really cheeky and disrespectful?
the day after my baby was born, my partner and I asked his parents to drop us off home from hospital and his mom slyly took a picture of our baby in her car seat and put it on her Facebook. It is set to friends only, as all her posts are, but that doesn’t mean anything since she has hundreds and hundreds of friends … none of which who I know or ever heard of. About 100 different people congratulated her on the birth of my baby and it made me uncomfortable.

im such a people pleaser and I find it hard to say no. It’s something I need to work on. But she didn’t even ask, and if she had then I would’ve told her no, not in a million years. She posted a picture of my partners little sister holding our baby when we went to visit a few days after she was born… yet again, no permission from me or my partner. My MIL and FIL live online, what they eat, what they are currently doing is ALL plastered on facebook. This is concerning since it’s a safety concern for my newborn, what about when (or if, at this rate) I FINALLY trust them enough to have her for the day and they post sensitive information about her?! Or they post a pic of her in her school uniform?! It is NOT okay.

my MIL and FIL are basically strangers to me so I’m not even okay with going round to visit them. They don’t address me, if they want permission to hold the baby they ask my partner. There’s no consideration or respect for me and my feelings. I feel pushed out and I feel like my baby isn’t even mine when I’m around the in laws.
i got pregnant, stupidly, 3 months into our relationship and I didn’t have time to get to know his family. They kept saying they would arrange something for us all to go out together and they never did. I’ve exchanged several sentences with his parents, never spoken to his siblings and that’s it.
i am very protective over my baby and I find it hard to share her, especially with people who I don’t know.
it’s damaging my mental health and I told my partner, he saw how upset I was and he said that he doesn’t have a problem with the pictures being posted online and so i need to say something if I have a problem with it. I understand that but I just know if I say something to his mother about the pictures then she will hate me… and if she dislikes me then I won’t be ok with leaving our baby with her. I don’t want to get on the wrong side of people, but I want and need to protect my daughter.

im not okay with it and I need to speak up. I don’t know why I find it so hard, as if I’m demanding too much for asking her to take the pictures down and to never post on social media about MY baby.

i just had to vent before I go ahead and send the message to her.
i wondered if anybody else had a similar issue with in laws being overbearing and/or doing things without permission? I feel so alone. This has caused arguments between me and my partner, I guess he takes it personally since it’s his family but I feel like my feelings don’t matter.

*reading

Ffs chill out OP. Consent? Jesus Christ. Are you not going to send your child to school? Take them in a car or bus? Cross the road with them? Dangers are everywhere in life. Do you have anxiety?

@sasscass are you referring to the 17yo with severe autism (your own words) when you say his brother has no emotion and calls the baby it?

@Louise0701 So you think it is okay to announce a birth on social media before the parents? This happened to a friend of mine, and her family in her home country were extremely upset to hearing the news third hand than what they had planned, a phone a call from my friend once she had recovered from her c section. The mil’s actions caused irreparable damage to her relationship with my friend. She will never trust her again. And future births she won’t know until after everyone else does.

Just because there are ‘Dangers are everywhere in life’ doesn’t mean that the OP can’t decide whether or not her child’s image will be on social media or not. France takes this extremely seriously, you can be jailed or fined for posting images of children without the parents or the child’s consent.

Here Facebook/Instagram removes images of children posted by others if the parents request them to be taken down. You can also take someone to court if they post images of your child without consent.

Its not a non issue, I have lawyers in the family, who think that the laws around will be strengthened further in the not to distant future.

I always ask permission before posting images of people’s children on social media. Always, basic manners. And I’d never announce the birth of a child before the parents.

Thankfully the majority of people in my life have class and manners, so there is only one member of my partners family where I’d possibly have this issue.

I'm 100% with you on this.

What the 'I can share photos of my grandchild (and other people's... bizarrely) wherever I like' brigade fail to recognise is that, in addition to this being incorrect, said grandchild may not forgive them for it in years to come.

There's a really interesting article on Forbes about this topic for those interested in why we need to be careful about what we share online in regards to our children: www.forbes.com/sites/jessicabaron/2018/12/16/parents-who-post-about-their-kids-online-could-be-damaging-their-futures/?sh=781a18127b71

It really is not, Ms Fake Lawyer.

I can only imagine this thread is full of entitled MILs because only someone entitled would think that basic manners don’t apply to them instead of asking before announcing a birth on social media before the parents, or posting images of a baby online without permission….Sorry op, I’m really horrified by most of the replies to your post on here

I'm amazed that so many of you can't understand the difference between SHOULD DO and CAN DO.

🙄

@SuperPets are you the MIL? 😂

Yes, I'm the MIL (she isn't, btw). I'm her despite repeatedly saying I wouldn't do it., and my last post pointing out that what people should do (As in they should not post pics of other peoples kids) with what they can do (post pics of their family if they choose to).

Yeah, that makes sense. Pointing out reality makes me the MIL.

FFS. If you had a brain cell you'd be dangerous

Ok let's break this down using my one brain cell. You were arguing this point from @MargotChateau (apparently not knowing the difference between should do and can do):

I can only imagine this thread is full of entitled MILs because only someone entitled would think that basic manners don’t apply to them instead of asking before announcing a birth on social media before the parents, or posting images of a baby online without permission….Sorry op, I’m really horrified by most of the replies to your post on here**

Although @MargotChateau has confirmed that you can actually report a photo posted of your child without your consent and have it removed, what she's saying here (as many of us have) is that announcing a birth on social media before the parents or posting a photo of a baby without permission is bad manners. In other words... You can do it, but you shouldn't.

i got pregnant, stupidly, 3 months into our relationship and I didn’t have time to get to know his family. They kept saying they would arrange something for us all to go out together and they never did. I’ve exchanged several sentences with his parents, never spoken to his siblings and that’s it.

You know that there was nothing stopping YOU arranging something to go out together, right? Why is it on them to facilitate getting to know you, rather than you (or your DP) to plan something that would help you get to know them?

You remind me of an elderly relative who when I call her says 'you haven't called for a while' and who seeems not to understand that phones work in both directions. I now say 'well you haven't called ME either'

Oh well done. You just explained back to me exactly what I've been saying since the start. You shouldn;t do it, but you can. My posts are in response to those who erroneously think you can't.

You seem to have understood my point exactly, so why are you arguing with me?

Because you seem to be arguing with everyone (myself included) who has said that MIL shouldn't have announced the birth and posted photos online without permission. Of course she can do it, in the same way I can shout 'oi fatty' at my portly Aunt Sue*, but you probably shouldn't do either of these things. And that is ultimately what is being discussed here, so chipping in with your 'ah but she CAN do it!' is contributing nothing to this conversation.

• Before I get another 'my dad's bigger than your dad' level of insult from you I will confirm there is no portly Aunt Sue. It was an analogy.

This happened to a friend of mine, and her family in her home country were extremely upset to hearing the news third hand than what they had planned, a phone a call from my friend once she had recovered from her c section

But that is just batshit.
If you haven't told people that your baby has arrived, weeks after your baby arriving, you can hardly feign surprise that people have already heard by the time to deign to share weeks old news with them.

Would you say the same to someone who was letting their grandchild play on a cliff edge, despite the parents asking the grandparent to keep the child away from the cliffs, @Louise0701?

Plus, it isn't just about the risks of putting photos online - it's also about considering how the child may feel, in years to come, when they realise that their all their baby pictures have been put online. They may not care - but isn't it better for the parents to be cautious and moderate about how much of their child's childhood is broadcast online, then the child can choose for themselves, how much goes online, when they are old enough?

My MIL did that which irked as we asked her not to put anything on as we still had not told everyone! She then threw a pissy fit when we asked her to take the post down!

@Kite22 I think you have misunderstood my comment. My friend had arranged with her immediate family in her country of birth (and mil knew this) that she would ring when she was safely in her ward with the baby. This was so her friends and family wouldn’t be stewing in worry helpless overseas (the birth was very very high risk), and she would call once both herself (mum) and baby were both safe and well.

While my friend was in recovery and sedated (she had to have a general during her c section due to complications), her MIL posted a picture of the baby and announced the birth before my friend had even held her baby tagging her on Facebook.

mil and my friend are now completely no contact. This was the last in a long line incidents and the straw that broke the camels back.

No, I seem to be arguing that you CAN, should you want to, for some unknown reason.

You appear to have missed the multiple posts saying that you CAN'T post pictures, that its illegal, that its not allowed. Though quite how you missed them all, I can't fathom, since you seem to be able to find (if not understand) my posts responding to them.

So thanks again for reiterating my exact point while arguing against me. Good attempt.

Ah, okay @MargotChateau . I was responding to you putting "recovered from her C-Section, which obviously is quite different.

No worries @Kite22 I should have written that point more clearly. Pregnancy insomnia has a lot to answer for wink 😉

@SuperPets that isn’t actually true. A parent can take someone to court should they post pictures of their child and not remove on request, or continue posting after requests not to do so. This is why schools etc do not post images of children without the caregivers consent.

this is why Instagram and Facebook, have reporting features to allow parents to have images of their child removed.