Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Original poster

MIL put photos of my baby on Facebook without permission

347 replies

sasscass · 06/08/2022 13:04

Do any of you think this is really cheeky and disrespectful?
the day after my baby was born, my partner and I asked his parents to drop us off home from hospital and his mom slyly took a picture of our baby in her car seat and put it on her Facebook. It is set to friends only, as all her posts are, but that doesn’t mean anything since she has hundreds and hundreds of friends … none of which who I know or ever heard of. About 100 different people congratulated her on the birth of my baby and it made me uncomfortable.

im such a people pleaser and I find it hard to say no. It’s something I need to work on. But she didn’t even ask, and if she had then I would’ve told her no, not in a million years. She posted a picture of my partners little sister holding our baby when we went to visit a few days after she was born… yet again, no permission from me or my partner. My MIL and FIL live online, what they eat, what they are currently doing is ALL plastered on facebook. This is concerning since it’s a safety concern for my newborn, what about when (or if, at this rate) I FINALLY trust them enough to have her for the day and they post sensitive information about her?! Or they post a pic of her in her school uniform?! It is NOT okay.

my MIL and FIL are basically strangers to me so I’m not even okay with going round to visit them. They don’t address me, if they want permission to hold the baby they ask my partner. There’s no consideration or respect for me and my feelings. I feel pushed out and I feel like my baby isn’t even mine when I’m around the in laws.
i got pregnant, stupidly, 3 months into our relationship and I didn’t have time to get to know his family. They kept saying they would arrange something for us all to go out together and they never did. I’ve exchanged several sentences with his parents, never spoken to his siblings and that’s it.
i am very protective over my baby and I find it hard to share her, especially with people who I don’t know.
it’s damaging my mental health and I told my partner, he saw how upset I was and he said that he doesn’t have a problem with the pictures being posted online and so i need to say something if I have a problem with it. I understand that but I just know if I say something to his mother about the pictures then she will hate me… and if she dislikes me then I won’t be ok with leaving our baby with her. I don’t want to get on the wrong side of people, but I want and need to protect my daughter.

im not okay with it and I need to speak up. I don’t know why I find it so hard, as if I’m demanding too much for asking her to take the pictures down and to never post on social media about MY baby.

i just had to vent before I go ahead and send the message to her.
i wondered if anybody else had a similar issue with in laws being overbearing and/or doing things without permission? I feel so alone. This has caused arguments between me and my partner, I guess he takes it personally since it’s his family but I feel like my feelings don’t matter.

OP posts:
GreenQueen80 · 06/08/2022 13:20

MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 06/08/2022 13:13

Do you think there's just a chance she a really proud granny who wants to share the news about her grandchild?

No sorry that response is out of order.

OP you are right to go with your instincts. Too many older people (including grannies) don't think twice before posting a child's face in social media without parental consent. Probably because when their kids were little SM didn't exist in its current form so they are not thinking about the impact. They are only thinking about their own needs and not the child's.

Nowadays children are born into a SM world and by the time they are 18 there can be thousands of images of them online, all posted by adults without their consent. Its not in a child's best interests and it's all about the adults posting the images. It's not right.

I for one do not post my child's face EVER. She's not able to choose so why would I? If I want loved ones to see a photo of her I'll send them a photo directly. Photos of her aren't for all in sundry on Facebook. When she's older she might choose to post photos of herself online, and that's fine. But it's not actually normal, this pressure we place on children these days without their consent.

Grandparents doing that without asking are totally out of order. Just assert your boundaries now OP.

worriedatthistime · 06/08/2022 13:21

If you are the one who doesn't want pictures on your partner is right you need to have the conversation with them and explain why
A newborn baby picture I wouldn't consider a big deal
But you and your partner should of also discussed this before baby was born you have had months
But it is also his baby so he does get a say
I can understand being uncomfortable as they get older being online ( although i did post odd pictures if mine but i have a closed friend: family group)
Ultimately you need to speak to your partner and explain and also get him to organise that you meet more of his family etc as that all sounds a little strange unless they live very far away

Original poster
sasscass · 06/08/2022 13:21

@Sirzy don’t read too much into it

OP posts:

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Families General parenting
GinIronic · 06/08/2022 13:21

Ask Facebook to take them down. My grandchildren’s pictures are not on social media because I respect my children’s wishes - plus as I work in a safeguarding environment - I am very much in agreement with the OP.

Pinkflipflop85 · 06/08/2022 13:22

Paedophiles are not trawling random Facebook members pages for generic baby pictures.

jugglerofballs · 06/08/2022 13:23

You seem to be getting a hard time on this thread OP. No matter what your concerns, if you don’t want photos of your baby on SM, you can ask her not to post them. We have been through this with my partner’s mother; she was not happy but she did comply. It’s a shame your partner isn’t supportive on this matter - he should respect your feelings, as should his mother.

PeekAtYou · 06/08/2022 13:23

Yabu to think that they would ask you rather than act their usual way and post online. I'm surprised that you and your partner didn't discuss this beforehand. Or maybe it's come up with your partner and he's told them it's fine so they assumed that you would be too.

Yanbu to not want images of your dd online and to ask ILs not to post as long as that rule applies to everyone in your life. (There's a lot of info about not knowing ILs and not leaving baby with them if this ends up in an argument so I wasn't sure if this was a trust issue)

Entwifery · 06/08/2022 13:23

I'd be very upset about someone else announcing the birth of my baby before I got a chance to, that's extremely out of line. I wouldn't be too bothered about pictures being posted otherwise, however. It's odd that you've never spoken to his siblings and barely know his parents, if you expecting this relationship to be long term your partner should really do more to integrate you with his family.

Original poster
sasscass · 06/08/2022 13:24

@GreenQueen80 thank you so much for this reply. The other replies made me feel like I was going crazy.

people are so ignorant regarding children’s safety, especially on the Internet.
i have had enough so I’ll be sure to be more assertive from now on.

OP posts:
MolliciousIntent · 06/08/2022 13:24

sasscass · 06/08/2022 13:14

@PandoraP paedophilia. people stealing pictures.
she doesn’t know everyone she’s friends with either so that’s just great.

You sound excessively anxious. PND and PNA are very common, have a chat with your HV about what support is on offer

Afterfire · 06/08/2022 13:24

sasscass · 06/08/2022 13:18

@Afterfire so, me voicing my feelings and saying what I’m not okay with regarding my own child is seen as causing an issue?
it would cause an issue but I don’t see why I need to be a people pleaser all my life.

There’s strangers in her friends list. Too many stories of picture stealing, paedophilia etc for me to be comfortable with.

It’s not about people pleasing. It’s about not getting yourself in a twist over stuff that isn’t worth it. Preserving your own sense of peace and sanity.

clpsmum · 06/08/2022 13:24

A proud grandmother how offensive

plinkypots · 06/08/2022 13:25

You and your partner need to decide together how you feel about your baby being posted on social media. And then he needs to speak to his mother....but my guess is that he doesn't mind. If he doesn't I'm afraid there isn't much you can do.

GinIronic · 06/08/2022 13:25

Pinkflipflop85 · 06/08/2022 13:22

Paedophiles are not trawling random Facebook members pages for generic baby pictures.

IME - that’s exactly what they do.

PotteringAlonggotkickedoutandhadtoreregister · 06/08/2022 13:25

But your MiL posting a picture of your baby doesn’t in any way shape or form put them at risk of being attacked by a paedophile...

statistically most abuse is from family members. You’re safer never letting them out of your sight and not worrying about innocuous pictures on Facebook.

worriedatthistime · 06/08/2022 13:26

@sasscass we aren't all ignorant we know risks exist as they do all around us
Your choice not to but wrong to accuse those that do as being ignorant when they may have many things in place to make it safer

GreenQueen80 · 06/08/2022 13:26

Pinkflipflop85 · 06/08/2022 13:22

Paedophiles are not trawling random Facebook members pages for generic baby pictures.

Did you know that whenever you post a photo on social media, that company now owns the license?

worriedatthistime · 06/08/2022 13:27

@GinIronic well they couldn't trawl mine as it set to private as i am sure many are
There are pictures of kids all over on tv , adverts , catalogues, nurseries and school websites etc

Whadda · 06/08/2022 13:28

You are being a bit ridiculous here, OP.

However, it does sound like you’re struggling after a difficult birth and with your ILs in general. Is your husband supportive? He needs to advocate for you, and you need to agree on what parameters you’re both comfortable with.

Have you been in touch with your health visitor? You might benefit from some support.

worriedatthistime · 06/08/2022 13:28

@GreenQueen80 and what are they going to do with it though ?

worriedatthistime · 06/08/2022 13:29

@GreenQueen80 just googled facebook and that doesn't seem to be the case

Derbee · 06/08/2022 13:29

It’s not being “a people pleaser” to act like a rational human being.

You don’t want pictures of your child on social media. That’s fine. I actually agree. I don’t want pictures of my child on social media.

However, your partner doesn’t mind. Which is also fine. You need to have a reasonable conversation and work out what the issue is, and how to compromise.

eg I don’t want my baby to get to 18 and have hundreds of photos of themselves online already. I value their privacy, and their right to share their own image if/when they want to. So I don’t post their picture online, and I’ve asked others not to aswell. However, when there’s a group family photo, and my baby happens to be in it, I don’t make a big deal of it. But nobody would ever take a photo just of my baby/ a close up of my baby and post it online. It’s called compromise

worriedatthistime · 06/08/2022 13:30

@Derbee seems to have a sensible mix and maybe a compromise you could come to

Spottybluepyjamas · 06/08/2022 13:31

You're not unreasonable to not want photos of your children online (I also don't, and have never uploaded any), but you're being a bit unreasonable with how much of a fuss you're making over it.

Just call your in-laws, explain and ask them to take them down. Job done.

They haven't really done anything wrong - the baby is also a part of them and they're probably just very proud. Have a little compassion and understanding - and discuss these kind of things in future so there's no misunderstanding next time.

NiceTwin · 06/08/2022 13:31

Unless their picture had her genitalia or possibly nappy on show, I don't think it is necessarily what paedophiles would take an interest in.

I'm not sure what harm, or from whom, she may come to from a picture of her in her car seat.

Maybe ask your mil going forward not to post anymore pictures.