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MIL put photos of my baby on Facebook without permission
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sasscass · 06/08/2022 13:04

Do any of you think this is really cheeky and disrespectful?
the day after my baby was born, my partner and I asked his parents to drop us off home from hospital and his mom slyly took a picture of our baby in her car seat and put it on her Facebook. It is set to friends only, as all her posts are, but that doesn’t mean anything since she has hundreds and hundreds of friends … none of which who I know or ever heard of. About 100 different people congratulated her on the birth of my baby and it made me uncomfortable.

im such a people pleaser and I find it hard to say no. It’s something I need to work on. But she didn’t even ask, and if she had then I would’ve told her no, not in a million years. She posted a picture of my partners little sister holding our baby when we went to visit a few days after she was born… yet again, no permission from me or my partner. My MIL and FIL live online, what they eat, what they are currently doing is ALL plastered on facebook. This is concerning since it’s a safety concern for my newborn, what about when (or if, at this rate) I FINALLY trust them enough to have her for the day and they post sensitive information about her?! Or they post a pic of her in her school uniform?! It is NOT okay.

my MIL and FIL are basically strangers to me so I’m not even okay with going round to visit them. They don’t address me, if they want permission to hold the baby they ask my partner. There’s no consideration or respect for me and my feelings. I feel pushed out and I feel like my baby isn’t even mine when I’m around the in laws.
i got pregnant, stupidly, 3 months into our relationship and I didn’t have time to get to know his family. They kept saying they would arrange something for us all to go out together and they never did. I’ve exchanged several sentences with his parents, never spoken to his siblings and that’s it.
i am very protective over my baby and I find it hard to share her, especially with people who I don’t know.
it’s damaging my mental health and I told my partner, he saw how upset I was and he said that he doesn’t have a problem with the pictures being posted online and so i need to say something if I have a problem with it. I understand that but I just know if I say something to his mother about the pictures then she will hate me… and if she dislikes me then I won’t be ok with leaving our baby with her. I don’t want to get on the wrong side of people, but I want and need to protect my daughter.

im not okay with it and I need to speak up. I don’t know why I find it so hard, as if I’m demanding too much for asking her to take the pictures down and to never post on social media about MY baby.

i just had to vent before I go ahead and send the message to her.
i wondered if anybody else had a similar issue with in laws being overbearing and/or doing things without permission? I feel so alone. This has caused arguments between me and my partner, I guess he takes it personally since it’s his family but I feel like my feelings don’t matter.

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Sirzy · 06/08/2022 13:08

You know they post a lot of social media so it was probably a bit naieve to think they wouldn’t post unless you had specifically asked them not to.

you need to talk to them and you and your partner need to work at building your relationship with them for the sake of the baby.

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Wimpeyspread · 06/08/2022 13:08

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

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sasscass · 06/08/2022 13:09

@Sirzy i truly believed they would ask. I didn’t think they would do it without consent first.
my birth was really complicated and I was out of it, I was in a daze because of all the drugs and I didn’t even have chance to say anything before his mom announced her birth online

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sasscass · 06/08/2022 13:10

@Wimpeyspread i need to get a grip because of what part please?

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Sirzy · 06/08/2022 13:12

Also you say YOUR baby but don’t forget your partner is just as much the parent as you and you don’t get to control everything.

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MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 06/08/2022 13:13

Do you think there's just a chance she a really proud granny who wants to share the news about her grandchild?

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sasscass · 06/08/2022 13:13

@Sirzy how many times did I use “our baby” in my post. Read it properly next time.

and oh yes, I’ll just let my baby be potentially put in harms way because of how excessively open they are. Jesus Christ.

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Unbored · 06/08/2022 13:13

What is the negative impact of
people seeing a couple of pictures of your newborn. What do you think could happen?

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PandoraP · 06/08/2022 13:13

You can just tel her not to post of course, but really I don’t really what you are so concerned about. What do you think can happen apart from people scrolling past and maybe giving a like to please your MIL?

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sasscass · 06/08/2022 13:14

@MrsPelligrinoPetrichor of course. But WHY post pictures without consent?! Dangerous

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sasscass · 06/08/2022 13:14

@PandoraP paedophilia. people stealing pictures.
she doesn’t know everyone she’s friends with either so that’s just great.

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Coachwork · 06/08/2022 13:15

I couldn't get upset about this. What do you think will happen? Posting a photo in a few years in a school uniform is very different from a baby photo because she's delighted at the birth of her GC.

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sasscass · 06/08/2022 13:15

@Unbored please read the comment that I wrote to PandoraP.

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Afterfire · 06/08/2022 13:15

I know people on Mumsnet are really funny about this sort of thing and you’ll probably get 00s of replies telling you to ring your MIL now and ask her to remove the pics etc etc … but … do you otherwise have a reasonable relationship? Is it worth causing an issue over this?

Does it really matter if Bob and Janet or whoever in her friends group have seen a pic of your baby? Is it really any different to being out and about and someone slyly taking a photo of your child or putting a pic of your child on social media if they happen to be in the same frame as their child?

I really can’t get bothered about this sort of stuff. To the point I’d actually block her from my own social media so I didn’t have to worry about it, ignorance is bliss.

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sasscass · 06/08/2022 13:16

@Coachwork read the comment in reply to PandoraP please.

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MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 06/08/2022 13:16

sasscass · 06/08/2022 13:14

@MrsPelligrinoPetrichor of course. But WHY post pictures without consent?! Dangerous

Oh dear.

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Sirzy · 06/08/2022 13:16

sasscass · 06/08/2022 13:13

@Sirzy how many times did I use “our baby” in my post. Read it properly next time.

and oh yes, I’ll just let my baby be potentially put in harms way because of how excessively open they are. Jesus Christ.

Nope just re read it and it’s all “my baby”

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Afterfire · 06/08/2022 13:17

sasscass · 06/08/2022 13:14

@PandoraP paedophilia. people stealing pictures.
she doesn’t know everyone she’s friends with either so that’s just great.

A paedophile could take a photo of your child in the park. Or anywhere else public.

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sasscass · 06/08/2022 13:18

@Afterfire so, me voicing my feelings and saying what I’m not okay with regarding my own child is seen as causing an issue?
it would cause an issue but I don’t see why I need to be a people pleaser all my life.

There’s strangers in her friends list. Too many stories of picture stealing, paedophilia etc for me to be comfortable with.

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Unbored · 06/08/2022 13:18

sasscass · 06/08/2022 13:14

@PandoraP paedophilia. people stealing pictures.
she doesn’t know everyone she’s friends with either so that’s just great.

I really don’t think you have anything to be concerned about with the readers to the above. Two of my children were models, their pictures were everywhere - I never even considered that they were at any risk!

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Maybeebebe · 06/08/2022 13:18

sasscass · 06/08/2022 13:14

@PandoraP paedophilia. people stealing pictures.
she doesn’t know everyone she’s friends with either so that’s just great.

Trying to be kind, why do you think a photo of your baby will put them at risk of paedophilia?

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sasscass · 06/08/2022 13:18

@Afterfire thats not a very good justification… putting things online just makes it a whole lot easier

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Maybeebebe · 06/08/2022 13:19

sasscass · 06/08/2022 13:18

@Afterfire so, me voicing my feelings and saying what I’m not okay with regarding my own child is seen as causing an issue?
it would cause an issue but I don’t see why I need to be a people pleaser all my life.

There’s strangers in her friends list. Too many stories of picture stealing, paedophilia etc for me to be comfortable with.

What stories??

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sasscass · 06/08/2022 13:19

@Maybeebebe havent you heard of how dangerous sharenting is? Too many sick people out there

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InTheCup · 06/08/2022 13:20

You are being way over the top. Bonkers.

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