MIL put photos of my baby on Facebook without permission

[sasscass]

Do any of you think this is really cheeky and disrespectful?
the day after my baby was born, my partner and I asked his parents to drop us off home from hospital and his mom slyly took a picture of our baby in her car seat and put it on her Facebook. It is set to friends only, as all her posts are, but that doesn’t mean anything since she has hundreds and hundreds of friends … none of which who I know or ever heard of. About 100 different people congratulated her on the birth of my baby and it made me uncomfortable.

im such a people pleaser and I find it hard to say no. It’s something I need to work on. But she didn’t even ask, and if she had then I would’ve told her no, not in a million years. She posted a picture of my partners little sister holding our baby when we went to visit a few days after she was born… yet again, no permission from me or my partner. My MIL and FIL live online, what they eat, what they are currently doing is ALL plastered on facebook. This is concerning since it’s a safety concern for my newborn, what about when (or if, at this rate) I FINALLY trust them enough to have her for the day and they post sensitive information about her?! Or they post a pic of her in her school uniform?! It is NOT okay.

my MIL and FIL are basically strangers to me so I’m not even okay with going round to visit them. They don’t address me, if they want permission to hold the baby they ask my partner. There’s no consideration or respect for me and my feelings. I feel pushed out and I feel like my baby isn’t even mine when I’m around the in laws.
i got pregnant, stupidly, 3 months into our relationship and I didn’t have time to get to know his family. They kept saying they would arrange something for us all to go out together and they never did. I’ve exchanged several sentences with his parents, never spoken to his siblings and that’s it.
i am very protective over my baby and I find it hard to share her, especially with people who I don’t know.
it’s damaging my mental health and I told my partner, he saw how upset I was and he said that he doesn’t have a problem with the pictures being posted online and so i need to say something if I have a problem with it. I understand that but I just know if I say something to his mother about the pictures then she will hate me… and if she dislikes me then I won’t be ok with leaving our baby with her. I don’t want to get on the wrong side of people, but I want and need to protect my daughter.

im not okay with it and I need to speak up. I don’t know why I find it so hard, as if I’m demanding too much for asking her to take the pictures down and to never post on social media about MY baby.

i just had to vent before I go ahead and send the message to her.
i wondered if anybody else had a similar issue with in laws being overbearing and/or doing things without permission? I feel so alone. This has caused arguments between me and my partner, I guess he takes it personally since it’s his family but I feel like my feelings don’t matter.

I do safeguarding training every year as part of my job. In that I have to cover the safeguarding around taking photos of children. There are a ton of rules I have to follow.... not giving the second names of children, checking for adopted / at risk children who could be identified, which equipment I am / am not allowed to use, what is / is not allowed to be included in photos etc and rules about how these photos are published on social media. They are allowed to be published on social media, with certain caveats applied. However, not once in 20 years have I ever received safeguarding training to say that Children’s pictures cannot go onto the internet per se as it in itself is a safeguarding risk. So I am genuinely asking OP what is the safeguarding risk you are speaking of? Where are you getting it from? As it genuinely has not ever been including in any of the safeguarding training I do annually. Is there something I should be looking up in particular? The general advice from what I can see on the internet is that there is no inherent safeguarding risk to having the photos on the internet, with the usual caveats (mentioned above) applied? Would genuinely be interested to know where this is coming from and why local authorities are not including this in their risk assessments, if it is such a danger?

Wait till the real worries start with DC!

Having grandparents as allies not enemies will stand you and DC un good stead, be smart and pick your battles with them carefully.

You sound very highly strung and are doing yourself harm never mind the baby, you’re harming yourself tying yourself in knots like this.

@Kite22 that is not what I’m saying. They post a picture of her in her car seat, my concern is the fact that they posted without asking. I feel as though it’s disrespectful. If they do that now then they will continue when she’s older if I don’t nip it in the bud. Which I now have done.
posting pictures of children online is dangerous and intrusive. I’d rather her pictures not be online without her consent

So sorry this has happened .people just think that everyone is happy about sharing everything on SM and just assume everyone else is ok. I am an adult and for many reasons I don't share photos on SM and have upset many people saying they cannot put pics or my name on SM.
As a couple explain you don't want photos of your child on SM .explain reasons why if you need to .it's your child and you have a right to privacy and to protect your child.
Good luck

I think you asked for people's opinions as to whether you were being unread. You are then arguing back when anyone disagrees with you. Why ask if you are convinced you're in the right

I think the issue here isn't the danger element. I'd be annoyed- mainly because she's announcing the birth of my baby and doing things without my consent. When your baby is a newborn you have your protective instincts, and hormones are wild. I'd never dream of taking pictures of someone else's baby and posting them without permission, grandchild or not. I can see why you're upset. Seems like it's breaking boundaries.

I hear you OP. My children's pictures will never be online either. It's shocking how they get passed around. I made it clear when my first child was born my stance on it. If someone takes a picture they are not allowed to send it on or post it online.
Some people feel the exact opposite and that's okay too but you're entitled to your choice so you need to tell them. If they don't respect it (if they continue to post them) don't allow them to take pictures anymore but hopefully they will see your point of view. There is a LOT of articles online about the danger of posting children's photos on the Internet for the reasons you've mentioned and also because it's an invasion of their privacy. When they're older will they be happy their every moment was shared to hundreds of people they don't know?
So you're perfectly right to set a boundary around this, I'd do the same, best of luck :-)

YABU, your baby is not in danger and your MIL has done nothing that makes her sly, cheeky or any of the other accusations.

Your life would be much more relaxed and simple if you were able to lower your risk assessments, relax a little more and allow people to enjoy your family.

Haven’t read every message but you’ve received but read so much negativity I had to comment. You’ve just had a baby, your hormones will be all over the place and your instinct is to protect your baby. Some people may not get worked up over this but it has affected you and so you need to do something. I felt similar to you, I sent photos to family and they posted on Facebook before I’d even got out of recovery. Maybe 1st speak calmly to your partner and ask if he could have a little word with them about putting pictures up and just ask to see them 1st. Explain it’s your 1st baby, your on a massive learning journey and just trying to deal with everything that comes with that and not having to worry about social media content would help. I’m also sending you a hug

I think the world just hasn't caught up. There are more and more reports now of people being caught with images of children they've stolen from social media sites. The thought of what they might do with them makes me sick.

Thank you so much for your kind words and understanding. ❤️
i don’t understand why some people are being so horrible.
i want to protect my baby and some people seem to be angered by the fact.

@Noddynoodle ^ apologies, forgot to tag you x

I do think it's just manners to ask someone before posting photos of their kids online.

I think you’re going a bit over the top thinking there’s a danger to your child because their photo was on FB but I do agree ANY relative should ask permission to take photos and not put them online if against your wishes.
I only photographed my dgc as babies with DDs permission and would never put a photo online.

@Chewbecca i hadn’t had time to settle in with my baby, to take care of myself etc and my MIL was arranging meet ups with the rest of family … I had no idea, I’m her mother and my mil was making plans as if she has any authority.
THAT is plain cheeky and disrespectful.

im not letting other people take over and “enjoy my baby” when I’m not ready yet. I’m 3 weeks postpartum and still sleep deprived, barely taken care of myself etc and literally 2 days after her birth my mil was planning all this bs.

I don’t understand how you lot think I’m being unreasonable.

Maybe because there’s no conceivable harm which will be caused to you or your child by her doing this.

But your idea of protection is very much out of line with reality

That's what people are picking up on

"I think the world just hasn't caught up. There are more and more reports now of people being caught with images of children they've stolen from social media sites. The thought of what they might do with them makes me sick."

@Rowen32

That's why I'm asking... is there evidence fir this happening? If so, I'd like to read it before Sept and raise it with my safeguarding trainer and have a discussion about what's appropriate and what not. Unfortunately, hearsay and speculation isn't sufficient so what's the reports, studies, evidence? That's what I need!

@StillHappy perhaps not. My permission nor my partners was still not asked and the problem still remains. There’s no respect for me, it’s basic respect and decency to ask for consent first.

What's your partners view on this?

If he is ok with it you need to find a way to move past this

As it's just as much his baby as yours

This sort of thing will always divide opinion, but whatever angle you’re replying at, it’s really just common decency to ask mum and dad before posting a picture online.
I don’t care which side of the fence you’re sitting on, it’s just about basic manners

Honestly this wouldn't bother me. 🤷‍♀️ it's not a battle I would engage in. People like to see babies and say congrats. Try not to let it stress you

You do realise out of many of her hundreds of friends on Facebook. The majority of them won't even give a shite about photos, that she posts of your PFB!! Half the photos people post on Facebook I just scroll straight past them.