MIL put photos of my baby on Facebook without permission

[sasscass]

Do any of you think this is really cheeky and disrespectful?
the day after my baby was born, my partner and I asked his parents to drop us off home from hospital and his mom slyly took a picture of our baby in her car seat and put it on her Facebook. It is set to friends only, as all her posts are, but that doesn’t mean anything since she has hundreds and hundreds of friends … none of which who I know or ever heard of. About 100 different people congratulated her on the birth of my baby and it made me uncomfortable.

im such a people pleaser and I find it hard to say no. It’s something I need to work on. But she didn’t even ask, and if she had then I would’ve told her no, not in a million years. She posted a picture of my partners little sister holding our baby when we went to visit a few days after she was born… yet again, no permission from me or my partner. My MIL and FIL live online, what they eat, what they are currently doing is ALL plastered on facebook. This is concerning since it’s a safety concern for my newborn, what about when (or if, at this rate) I FINALLY trust them enough to have her for the day and they post sensitive information about her?! Or they post a pic of her in her school uniform?! It is NOT okay.

my MIL and FIL are basically strangers to me so I’m not even okay with going round to visit them. They don’t address me, if they want permission to hold the baby they ask my partner. There’s no consideration or respect for me and my feelings. I feel pushed out and I feel like my baby isn’t even mine when I’m around the in laws.
i got pregnant, stupidly, 3 months into our relationship and I didn’t have time to get to know his family. They kept saying they would arrange something for us all to go out together and they never did. I’ve exchanged several sentences with his parents, never spoken to his siblings and that’s it.
i am very protective over my baby and I find it hard to share her, especially with people who I don’t know.
it’s damaging my mental health and I told my partner, he saw how upset I was and he said that he doesn’t have a problem with the pictures being posted online and so i need to say something if I have a problem with it. I understand that but I just know if I say something to his mother about the pictures then she will hate me… and if she dislikes me then I won’t be ok with leaving our baby with her. I don’t want to get on the wrong side of people, but I want and need to protect my daughter.

im not okay with it and I need to speak up. I don’t know why I find it so hard, as if I’m demanding too much for asking her to take the pictures down and to never post on social media about MY baby.

i just had to vent before I go ahead and send the message to her.
i wondered if anybody else had a similar issue with in laws being overbearing and/or doing things without permission? I feel so alone. This has caused arguments between me and my partner, I guess he takes it personally since it’s his family but I feel like my feelings don’t matter.

I hear you OP. My children's pictures will never be online either.

Oh they will. As soon as your kids are old enough to have a mobile phone, or their friends have a mobile phone, photos of them will find their way onto social media. You might be able to delay this for a few years but it's inevitable eventually.

Harm’s way?

You must have missed some facts out I think. We’re the photographs taken with her being dangled over a balcony, or with her playing with a snake?

Are you perhaps from a sect that believes that her soul has been taken by the camera?

If not for one of these, it’s really hard to understand what harm you are positing.

OP

All your MIL had to say was " I really liked that photo of grandchild- do you mind if I put on my facebook?"

Then you could have said yes or no.

But she didn't so she i in the wrong.

I would never do this without asking first.

Did you tell her before the baby was born, that you didn't want any photos of her on social media? If you did, and she defiled that request, then I can understand you being annoyed.

But if you didn't, then you've no reason to be so angry. She did what 95% of proud new grandparents do, with no reason to think that she shouldn't.

You shouldn't demand that she takes it down. It's a photo of a newborn. None of her friends are likely to use it for any nefarious purpose. But at some point, in a pleasant and friendly way, and without making her feel like shit, you can tell her that you're concerned about the internet, and ask her not to put photos of your child on Facebook.

Personally I think you're being really paranoid, but you're entitled to express that wish to her. You are being very unreasonable to be so angry with her though, when it seems that no-one had told her not to share.

@Alfenstein perhaps it is. But read the comment I left to Chewbacca a few replies up the page.

it’s the fact that they didn’t ask permission from me or my partner that I have a massive issue with. More so than the protection thing. I find it disrespectful that we weren’t asked first. And the fact that there has been more behaviour from my mil that makes me so dead against my baby’s pictures being online.

Why is your baby put in harms way because of a photo on Facebook? Are you extremely wealthy and think someone’s going to kidnap the baby?

i Get it I don’t really do the sharing photos of my baby online and nobody else does either.

get that it’s annoying she’s done this but she was probably just excited about the birth of grandchild!

can’t you just ask her to take it down and request she refrains from posting in future.

just don’t go to their house you don’t have to just say you are too tired and take a step back

being angry at the other posters on here who don’t agree with you is a bit over the top though it’s just peoples opinions.

you can feel how you like and do what you like about it

@saraclara please read the reply I left to Chewbacca above.

she has done several things that I’m not happy with, making the pictures on social media issue even bigger than it should be.

No one on their friends list really gives a shit about your baby which I can guarantee will just look like another generic newborn baby. What do you think will happen?

You used MY seven times, and OUR twice. Oh, and you used MY in this reply.

Nope she doesn’t. Announcing a new birth on Facebook before the parents has never been on even pre Facebook times the parents were allowed to break the news how they wanted. Nor is posting the first photo.
you are wrong, the OP is doing fine.

@figgyputty reach out to his siblings? Who are 9 years old, 13 years old, and 17 years old and has severe autism?

if you saw my other replies regarding my MIL then you wouldn’t be calling me immature.

First it was about pedophilia, harms way, safety concerns, sensitive information being leaked on FB and a need to protect your daughter.

Now it is the permission you have an issue with rather than the dark web running riot because they hacked into some aul wan's private FB page for a pic of a baby in a car seat.

OK Gotya.

Not sure why you see it as a safety issue and you state you are very protective, possibly more so than other new mums? . Yes it would be protocol to let parents announce the arrival first and even courteous to ask if ok to take pictures and share but you do seem overly hostile towards them, accusing them of being sneaky and not knowing them.

You can report the picture & get Facebook to remove it.

I can't believe some of the comments on here, if OP doesn't want her childs photo on social media then that is her choice regardless of reason.

Even if 1 parent agrees and the other doesn't, obviously that is something you should discuss as a couple but in this scenario, I personally believe the parent who does not wish to share photo's online should trump the other parent's wishes!

OP, I never post pictures of my kids online which my partner is in agreement with and no family members have either. No particular reason other than they are our family memories not memories to share with people I barely know! Isn't there a disclaimer stating you have permission to post said photo, I am sure there is!

@Tessasanderson there are a number of reasons why children cannot be photographed for school nativities etc. For example, fostered and adopted children, children in witness protection as I am sure there are many other reasons!

What do you mean your MIL is arranging "meet ups"? She's taken it upon herself to invite people round to your house to gawp at your baby?

Put it like this, it is scary how much I know about other peoples children (people I vaguely know or don’t even know) just from what people post on social media. In fact how much I know about many peoples lives in general. Imagine such knowledge being so accessible by the lowlife humans that roam the earth. People are absolutely STUPID when it comes to flaunting their personal lives all over social media. I don’t put anything personal online anymore.
You do what you think is best when it comes to your child and if that means upsetting granny because she can’t upload pictures then so be it!!! Don’t let anyone make you feel like you are being over protective!

There's obviously more going on here than just the FB photos. MIL isn't going anywhere so find a way to get along with her for your own sake. You're doing yourself no good getting riled up over silly shit like this. Go and enjoy your baby and forget about her for a while.

@sasscass

I hope you don’t have children because it just goes to show how many people have no consideration for the child and their safety.

Now you are just being very unpleasant. If you are the sort of person who will post this then I think you are showing the real issue here.

youre doing just the same - posting on SM about your DPs puberty!

I agree with the above poster that this seems hormonal. You say yourself your MIL/PIL make you feel like your baby isn't yours, which is a feeling I completely understand. Other people acting like the baby is just as much theirs as yours is extremely annoying, and many MILs treat their DILs like they are just a surrogate. It is very normal to go into 'mama bear' mode, especially during the 'fourth trimester' period, if you feel threatened in any way. Deep down, this is hitting that primal nerve. The overwhelming urge to protect your child from any perceived threat, real or imagined. It's intense, but normal. You're having a normal reaction.

But what your MIL has done isn't actually harmful. It's nowhere near as bad as it's feeling to you right now. It's not like she's left her alone in the bathtub, or is smoking around your baby.

All I can suggest is trying to redirect your focus onto your own relaxation. Keep reminding yourself that your baby is safe and nobody is taking her from you.

@sasscass not sure if anyone's said it but.. Congratulations on the birth of your baby girl! I do hope you are bonding well with baby and looking after your mental health and well being (hard with a newborn I know!)

But yes I do agree with you that they shouldn't have posted on SM without your permission and I don't think it's unreasonable to have that convo now!. If you're not comfortable to put your child all over SM why should anyone else be entitled too!
That said yes she was probably just a really proud grandmother and didn't realise you wouldn't be comfortable with it!

Your aggressive replies to people on here is quite concerning in the broader sense. This is a really small issue, regardless of whether you agree or disagree with photos of children being put online, and the tone of the replies you are giving out is worrying.

You hadn't told MIL not to post the photos so this is really 50/50 your fault and hers. You clearly know she loves social media so you should've made your preference clear before the baby was born.

I hope you are able to have a calm discussion with MIL and not speak to her in the way you've responded to people on here. It's maybe worth having a bit of time to yourself to calm down before speaking directly to her as you don't need this to be confrontational and irrational.