"Primary contact" for nursery when both parents work FT

[Equalparent]

My DS will start nursery in a few months time. Despite me being on mat leave, my DH and I have very much shared parenting. DH does loads of night shifts with DS, and as DH works from home, he takes DS for his lunch break every weekday. DH also fully shares evening and weekend childcare with me.

The nursery forms indicate that we have to put one of us as the "primary" contact. We really dislike the idea of this, as we are both going to be working full time so neither of us will have more flexibility to drop everything than the other.

We're thinking that if we put me as the primary contact, then the nursery will just never contact DH and assume that I am the default parent for everything. We are thinking that if we put DH first, then it at least sends a signal that DH should be involved.

What are other people's experiences of this?

Who is closer if he needs to be picked up when I'll or in case of emergency?

You're way overthinking it

It’s just to tell them who to call first. If primary doesn’t answer they’ll call then next one

We've always put DH down, and as your DH works from home it would seem easier for him to nip out if necessary unless your work is super close to the nursery

Yeah you're way over thinking this. It's who to call first in case of emergency if they can't reach the primary they'll call the next number.

We both WFH with occasional days away from home, so it isn't the case that one of us is automatically closer to the nursery.

Pick the person most likely to be able to answer the phone if they call, then have secondary. Being the primary contact doesn't mean you need to go get them, you can then call your dh if he is more available. Or vice versa.

You are reading too much into it.

🙄 just put one of your names down. It really doesn't matter. If the primary contact doesn't pick up they'll automatically move on to calling the second one.

Do you have a landlines? Use that number first. Or a payg mobile which you swap between you.

Mine are school age now and they have different lists for emergency contacts and non emergency.

Yep. I'm down as the primary contact because I'm most likely to have my phone on me and available at all times and be able to answer, but DH is just as likely to do the actual collecting as I am and does all drop-offs as it is. Just put whoever is easiest to get hold of.

Lots of parents are in the same situation but ideally it needs to be one of you incase of an emergency. If the primary contact doesn’t answer then the phone the next contact and then a third contact and so on until they reach someone. Surely one of you will be able to answer and then the one who isn’t as busy could go collect the child if need be?

The issue is that we both have equally demanding FT WFH jobs, there isn't a parent who is more likely to be able to answer the phone than the other. It would be equally disruptive for whoever gets the call. Maybe we will have to coin toss for it ?

I'd just go with putting who is most likely to answer/hear their phone the most.

Someone has to be the first call, it's not a massive worry if the primary person isn't best placed to help on said day, either primary can call secondary to arrange pick up or nursery can call the secondary.

Either way, don't worry

Answering the phone is the easy bit anyway. If you are both WFH then it doesn't really matter who answers, you just work out who does the collecting based on what each of you is doing at the time anyway.

Definitely overthinking it OP. We have 3 kids. The school always tries me first. The nursery him. They then try the other. We decide between us who goes based on current workload and calendar juggling. All they need to know is who to call first.

In your scenario it doesn't matter who you put as the 1st contact. Put your names down in alphabetical order if that helps you make the decision of who gets to be the first on the list.

Toss a coin who is the primary contact. You are over complicating and over engineering this. I’m down as the primary contact as my partner travels for work every now and then but we equally have demanding roles. Then if they phone me then we talk to each other as to who is best placed to collect based on schedules for that day and future days depending on reason for pick up.

It seems that you object to being classed as primary contact, because you associate it with primary carer, which is something you have purposefully tried to avoid, therefore put down your partner's number. It won't make a difference, unless you and your partner let it.

If you put your DH then they will only contact him and not you; which is fine but by putting him you don’t show them to involve both in the way you might be thinking.
i think you’re over thinking it; they just want to know which person is better to call.

We put DH down as first contact as his job is more flexible: they still call me

DH and I parent equally but I'm primary contact as DH is a police officer so less likely to be able to answer all the time. That doesn't mean that I'd be the one to stop work and collect DD. If I got a call and its difficult for me to leave, I'd ring DH and see if he could.

This - the chances of them ever contacting you are slim. And if you have an ill child they will call one, then if no answer, the other.

IME it doesn't matter who you put first, they still call the mother... DH has always been primary contact for both nursery and school due to my work (community nurse, can't answer always answer the phone), and yet both still always call me first, often several times having never called DH if I don't answer the first time. Even though they've both been told DH is now working mainly from home and can respond much quicker 🙄.

So who do they call if your child falls and splits their head open and is awaiting an ambulance. Jeez seems like you're both trying to cop out of parenting when he is in nursery because you both have very important demanding FT jobs.....

I think you are in for a shock tbh.....

Its the person who gets the call - agree in advance who is on stand by to pickup - and be prepared for a lot of pick ups in the early days as they bring every tummy bug etc home.

Honestly, I found who ever did drop off would get the call - as that is the person they automatically associate with the child.

Best of luck - early nursery days can be challenging for parents!

Fgs, one of you has to be called first. Or everyone time a contact needs to be called, do you want two members of staff to call you simultaneously to make it fair?!?Or perhaps you could supply them with a daily update of who is the best contact?!?. Just stop being silly and looking for problems where there is none. Toss a coin.