I hate my life (newborn is 4 weeks)

[TiredMommy93]

I feel like I made the biggest mistake of my life. I've always wanted kids but now that I'm actually going through this phase, I absolutely regret it.

My baby doesn't sleep for more than 1 maybe if all stars align 2 hours at night.
He won't sleep at all unless he's on my chest and when I put him down he starts screaming. I tried to sleep with him on me since we came home but it doesn't work. I can't fall asleep that way.

Some people may think "well what were you expecting? Good question. Nothing. I was naive. My pregnancy was very tough. Me and my baby almost died and labor was hell. There were almost no breaks between contractions and the staff didn't allow an epidural.
Even though I kept screaming "give me an epidural!!" for hours.

Then after we could finally go home I had the worst panic attack imaginable at night from too much stress.

Things got much better since then mentally but I absolutely hate my new life. I'm so incredibly tired I could sleep for one week and still be tired.

When does all of this get better? I can't cope anymore. I'm dying inside. One mom told me today that it doesn't get easier. That just destroyed all hope I had and why the hell do people decide to have 2 or more kids if this is what parenthood is like.

But it's too late now I can't go back to the way it was before.
The time before our relationship consisted only of "who changes the diaper" or "can you please prepare a bottle"

It's not fun. It's not even bearable...
Does it get better or is my life over?

Yayyy!!! It’s so up and down isn’t 😂 but it gradually does get better. Aww once the smiles kick in properly and the giggles too it’ll be so worth it💕They’re kind of just a blob for a few months like a tamagotchi that doesn’t stop beeping xxx

I'm so sorry. I promise it does get easier! For me it was around 5 weeks that things seemed less hellish and I started to find my feet. I had this conversation with some NCT friends and we agreed that the first few weeks were some of the lowest points in our lives, and then things got better. Do you have a supportive partner or parents?

I now have a very supportive partner but I'm still feeling very low at almost 12 weeks. Why do they have such a terrible diagnostic tool? You barely ever know what's going on when they cry. You can only guess based on the last few hours and some very hard to tell cues. I don't like being a mum.
I chose to have babies because I remembered my childhood and wanted to give another person the chance to enjoy life. This awful part of childhood of course is wiped off my memory.
It sucks so bad. So so bad. All I do is feed, change, look into his emotionless face while I entertain him with a toy and try to stay sane during the sleepless nights where he does nothing but fight the bottle. It's 99% shit.

He smiles but rarely. And even when he smiles I cant really appreciate it since I'm so damn tired and stressed.
Hearing his cry is pure agony and stresses me out so much, I've probably aged 15 years since my pregnancy and am starting to get wrinkles from being annoyed all the time.
I'm sorry that he had to end up with me as his mum. I try everything but still feel like I'm messing up all the time.

Have you been to the doctors to discuss your mental health? Sorry to be so abrupt but you sound to me like you possibly have pnd. As i felt the same some days. But having a baby is a lot of change. And the biggest change of all is that you cant put yourself first anymore. But it gets easier❤️

My little boy only sleeps for 2 hours stretches and has only just gone in his cot after having tongue tie fixed (but even then sleeps on me most of the time - he will only do about 2 stints in his cot). It is worth getting tongue tie checked as my boy had posterior which wasn't obvious to midwives who checked its only when I asked a breastfeeding specialist midwife to check from breastfeeding support that it was picked up and then I got a hospital appointment and it cut really quickly. Before that I wasn't sleeping really at all as he wouldn't be put down by me but also wouldn't settle at all with my husband. It seems to have been that though he was feeding loads he wasn't getting full feeds and never getting milk drunk etc hence he just continually wanted to feed, was frantic and unsettled and therefore wouldn't rest or go to anyone else or anything. Yesterday was the first day I was able to go to the shop to pick up bread while my husband watched him and it felt like such a treat.

Otherwise I do think it gets better. Remember baby is still getting used to being out plus you had a really traumatic time both of you- baby will also be affected by this. Once they realise where they are and get used to it then you find they do settle more and sleep better. I wouldn't have had my son otherwise.

Well it took 13 weeks but I'm finally thinking that having a baby wasn't a mistake. I finally made some mum friends who don't judge me but are still honest with their opinions. That helps immensely (staying away from super moms and people who compare). And seeing their slightly older babies develop also gives me hope.
He smiles and communicates with me. It's still pretty boring but I know it gets more exciting soon. And probably more challenging in a different way.
I found ways to integrate my old life. I put him in the sling and watch YouTube videos and play games during his daytime naps. I go on short trips with him. And I finally understand his needs 90% of the time because he has different cries now and I know that babies usually cry for 2 reasons: hungry, tired. (probably more needs to come as he becomes interested in toys). And babies become VERY difficult when they are overtired.
Colic has been gone for over 3 weeks. The time doesn't pass as slowly. Whereas a day felt like a week before. Now a day just feels like a normal day.
He sleeps 4+ hours in a row, then 2x 3 hours. Between 8-8. Thank God!!
I can't believe some people say it doesn't get better. They probably had the easiest baby in the world.
His smiles are sooo cute and I can see that he loves me. I can put him somewhere alone for 10-15 minutes or have him watch me cook. At 4 weeks I couldn't put him somewhere to pee. He's less fragile. Wow. So much has changed. I might even consider another one in a couple years. How did that happen????

OP your latest post describes my son too, although I'm a few weeks ahead of you.

It's good to see he's become easier and you're finding your groove. It's still bloody hard, but once they've calmed down a little (my boy had to be held constantly for the first few months too) and you've started figuring them out it does get better. And the smiles and giggles make it all the more rewarding.

It's great you're getting better sleep but just bear in mind that infant sleep isn't linear, and it can go through peaks and troughs for the first couple of years. We're currently experiencing the 4mo sleep regression - not everyone goes through it, but for those who do night wakings can become more frequent. If you use Instagram I would recommend following Sarah Ockwell-Smith and Lyndsey Hookway for information on infant sleep.

Thank you! I expect nothing when it comes to his sleep. But I'm happy when I get some zzzzzz

Same! Or even just time to relax and listen to podcasts, catch up on messages, etc.

Honestly everything you've described sounds so, so normal (well based on my experience anyway) and it sounds like you're doing an amazing job xx

Quick update: 15 weeks.

I can't believe it.
He is so awesome now.
He smiles allll the time. Interacts with toys. Doesn't scream when you put him down. He watches me while I do the household.

Sleeps 5-8 hours in a row. Doesn't need me to soothe him AT ALL. I don't need to carry him ever.
He's so enjoyable now!!! And it's getting better and easier with each passing day. There will be hard days ahead but right now... Wow... Everything has changed.

How did I get so lucky suddenly?? His colicks stopped and it all got soooo much better.

Are you the OP? If so amazing!! I’m so so pleased things have got better for you. I remember the utter relief and happiness when I suddenly realised (at about 15 weeks!) that DS had gone a whole week without screaming from 3pm onwards. It was glorious!

We found the early weeks hard going due to colic but I could not have coped with this fourth trimester stuff about letting them sleep on you. No way. No one mentioned fourth trimester twenty years ago. What I did was get mine to sleep in my arms or against my shoulder and slowly lower them into the Moses basket leaning over all the way and then wrap them up quick with the sheets and blanket. Basically I realised that they start crying when they feel themselves separating from you so you need to bend right down into the crib etc Apologies if you’ve tried this already.
At four weeks mine slept for 4 hours at a stretch. HV told me off for giving a bottle as soon as they squeaked. Instead the advice was to pat and shush and use a dummy and gradually over the weeks stretch it out. It worked with DS (2) - At 8 weeks slept from last feed at midnight until 7 or so. DS (2) didn’t drop the 4 am feed until about 5 months. But both had a morning nap of 1 to 2 hours and an afternoon sleep in the pram as I walked them out every day.
To be honest if the bending over in the crib doesn’t work for you I’d have to try something to wean them off being stuck to you permanently. I’d be worried about simply not functioning at all with so little sleep.
However you get through this, it will get better. We survived the colic screaming every night for weeks - twice - and I loved it after that. We had no family help either.

Big squeeze hug to you! It DOES get better. Sorry you had a shit labour, it’s not fair.

the first four months was a rollercoaster, our girl slept 2-3 hrs until 3ish months and would then wake every 30ish minutes. I thought I might die from sleep deprivation and that was with my partner and I taking it in turns!

my partner and I had horrible arguments over nothing, we were just so god Damn tired.

5 months was a turning point and it all got much easier, started sleeping almost all night.

hang in there, make sure your partner helps at night and take any other help / ask for help if you’ve people you can lean on!

My daughter has just had baby girl she's not speaking to me and it's breaking my heart she has moved into the boyfriends and I have been accused of stuff I haven't done I moss them both so much his mother is so wonderful and it's k8lling me

I'm sorry to hear this your daughter needs you just give her time and hopefully she get in touch all you can do is be there for her and your grand child love and light xx 🥰