I hate my life (newborn is 4 weeks)

[TiredMommy93]

I feel like I made the biggest mistake of my life. I've always wanted kids but now that I'm actually going through this phase, I absolutely regret it.

My baby doesn't sleep for more than 1 maybe if all stars align 2 hours at night.
He won't sleep at all unless he's on my chest and when I put him down he starts screaming. I tried to sleep with him on me since we came home but it doesn't work. I can't fall asleep that way.

Some people may think "well what were you expecting? Good question. Nothing. I was naive. My pregnancy was very tough. Me and my baby almost died and labor was hell. There were almost no breaks between contractions and the staff didn't allow an epidural.
Even though I kept screaming "give me an epidural!!" for hours.

Then after we could finally go home I had the worst panic attack imaginable at night from too much stress.

Things got much better since then mentally but I absolutely hate my new life. I'm so incredibly tired I could sleep for one week and still be tired.

When does all of this get better? I can't cope anymore. I'm dying inside. One mom told me today that it doesn't get easier. That just destroyed all hope I had and why the hell do people decide to have 2 or more kids if this is what parenthood is like.

But it's too late now I can't go back to the way it was before.
The time before our relationship consisted only of "who changes the diaper" or "can you please prepare a bottle"

It's not fun. It's not even bearable...
Does it get better or is my life over?

I was like that with my first. No pain relief and then very ill after the birth. Baby didn’t sleep either and cried a lot. Look for signs of silent reflux. That can make things a lot worse. Even though with newborns that haven’t got reflux issues, sleep is all over the place. It does get slowly better. First year or so it’s just survival

Oh dear! You have a high needs baby. Those are tough!!!

Not everyone agrees, but I slept with mine on my chest until 3months old 🤷🏻‍♀️ I spent hours upon hours walking around the bedroom putting her to sleep and she would smell the proximity to the crib 🤦🏻‍♀️ no exaggeration!! It was breaking me physically (even though I was in a better position emotionally than you, but I do understand how you feel)

Best of luck

It does improve 🙂

Sounds normal. But is baby distressed? Get checked out if so, but
The first few months = no sleep!

Rope other people in to help, so you can catch up on sleep etc. People love babies cos they have short memories!! And don't get caught up on that whole 'they won't do it right' thing. 'Takes a village' and all that!
Basically get someone to take care of little one for the night!

Firstly - Congratulations!
Secondly, you've been through hell with things so far, the sleeping thing will resolve itself, it always does. Newborns are awful, I went into having my second child knowing that and ended up having a toddler with a broken leg when second child was 4 weeks, at 12 weeks my mum died and I had to go back to work for my own sanity at 6 months, however things do change.
Hormones are a birch too, but they should calm down soon too.
Be kind to yourself, get your DH to give you some proper down time when he takes the baby out to see family so you're home alone.
DO NOT WASTE TIME CLEANING! .... get some sleep and have a bath or whatever helps you relax.
Is your DH doing enough to help too?
It DOES get easier - ignore the shit people say, newborns are literally awful, but soon it goes better, my DD wouldn't sleep more than 4 broken hours a night and I was bordering on psychotic, one day she just slept for 13 hours straight and that was the start of a new life with my first newborn - yea there are all sorts of problems growing up but newborn stage is complex and knackering
Hold on in there, you've got this, and ask for more help

I started a very similar thread recently. I think the last 6 weeks have been the hardest of my entire life, I know exactly how you feel. I felt so much better after a couple of nights of decent sleep, is there any way at all you can arrange this? The first night I slept alone I felt so guilty but when I saw how better my ability to cope was the next day, I did it again. Sleep deprivation is torture. All the best ❤️

It gets better.

It gets better

It gets better

It gets better when they start sleeping a bit longer. It gets better once you have figured out a routine around their wants and needs that gets you fed and showered. It gets better once you start using every nap time for yourself to nap or take a break. Forget about housework. Forget about cooking, just get some microwavable stuff (you'll eat healthy again in a few weeks or months, just take a vitamin pill). Forget about ironing. If your partner complains tgen let them do more. Anytime someone tells you they're happy tohelp, give them a job to do!

I sincerely think that as a society we only survive because newborn babies are so cute! And they turn into easier older babies and then toddlers. I don't know why toddlers have such a bad reputation. They sleep a LOT better, they can eat some finger foods by themselves, they can entertain themselves for a few minutes and you can tell them NO and sometimes they even listen. It gets so much better.

Big hugs. You need sleep, perhaps shower and make up. And moaning loads Even if only you have 15 minutes naps have them. Do you have a swaddle? They saved my life. And a coat were only their head pop out : in his coat put against another adult you might get a few hours of sleep. As soon as he is drowsy from eating I put him in his tiny cot with his sleeping bag/swaddle. And then I fell over and slept. I did manage to get the 8 hours but not at night and not in one go. One good nap might just make you feel like he is less crap. Can you partner do the tidying up for now and order food. Order salads and soups ready made when you do groceries with hearty ready cooked proteins, it helps to feel good to. At some point creepy monster will start smiling at you, give you kisses and hugs, and he will sleep to your utter shock : you will wake up to make sure he has not been kidnapped or something. Then you will start having an adult life of your own. Different, not over. One day at a time. Don't fight to much his need to be just close to you. One day they are 6 foot 4 and you can't have them all at once to give them a cuddle anymore. You are his whole world right now, so slow down everything and focus on him, he needs you. It does not last. When I really want to feel like I'm not only a mom, I also do a thing, I binge watch all the movies I have missed when they really decide that they don't want to sleep. (subtitles on). So staying up works for both of us. You did it for whole month, Champs !!!!!!!!!! You will get through. One day at a time. We have all been there. Big hugs.

I’m sorry you’re going through these feelings and I mean this in the nicest possible way but you’ve absolutely just got to toughen up. Sympathy isn’t going to change your situation, only practical solutions and a change of mindset will be able to do that

It definitely does get easier. The challenges change, yes, but I think the hell of the newborn days is unmatched. We also had a difficult pregnancy/birth/SCBU stay for 2 months. Then when finally home, baby had the most horrific colic/reflux. I never verbalised it but I fantasised about running away so many times. Or giving DC away. I felt it was a massive mistake. But 2 years on and honestly DC is the light of my life. We got through it, and you will too. It gets better incrementally. So with each milestone such as sitting up, weaning, walking etc. We hit a real turning point at 6 then 12 and 18 months. Now at over 2 is such a curious clever little thing that I can't imagine life without. In the early days the only thing that got me through was leaning on people for support. Is babies dad able to step in for the night? It sounds like you're doing it alone? Do you have friends or family that could take baby for a few hours so you can nap/have a shower? That's the only way I felt human. Hang in there, you'll back on this stage knowing you got through it

It really does get better. I haven't hit terrible twos yet so I might change my mind, but so far (DD is 18 months) every stage is both easier and more enjoyable than the previous one!

My mum came over when DD was about 6 weeks and said, "Why are you letting her sleep so much in the afternoon?" I can't remember what I'd said but along the lines of, "Because she's a baby."

My mum proceeded to be really stimulating with DD (so not waking her up or anything, just giving her a lot to look at/ listen to) to get her sleeping less that afternoon. I was skeptical about what this would achieve but either because of it or co-incidentally, within the week DD did start sleeping bigger stretches at night. So you could try a bit of gentle encouragement to stay awake a bit more in the afternoon.

OP I had it very difficult too. Lots of problems. But life changed at 8 months.

It's completely normal. You just have to ride this bit out.

1. Roll up a towel and put it underneath the cot and moses basket mattress and its on an incline head up.
2. Invest in a swaddle sack. I used the tommee tippee one with a zip. This helps provide security to the baby and control the more reflex.
3. Give baby a dummy
4. If breastfeeding, try formula top ups afterwards as you might not be making enough
5. Pre make formula bottles each day in the evening to use the next day, keep in the fridge

It does and will get better. I contact napped for 7 months during the day to make sure baby was not over tired at night and then baby was able to sleep in the next to me.

Moro not more

1. 7pm every night draw curtains, dim lights, and the circadian rhythm will establish and baby will have day night routine

So baby slept in next to me at night after they caught up on day sleep. It didn't take 7 months. At 7 months they napped in the cot.

Whilst baby is a "potato" read read read online about babies

Baby sleep site
What to expect
Lots of other great websites just google

Its absolutely brutal. I wouldn't wish the first 6 weeks of a new baby on my worst enemy! At least not the first 6 weeks anyway. The first 6 weeks are truly awful. No other way to describe it. But honestly it gets better. Yeah they should hopefully sleep about 3-4hrs between feeds if bottle fed. Mine were bottle fed and it was still horrendous. I only loved them when they were asleep!
You feel so trapped, especially at 4am when your beautiful child is a red faced roaring little monster in the crib and nothing seems to fix it for them.
But it does get better. It's a tunnel you are in and the baby will grow and change and things will improve. If you can go to sleep yourself every time the baby sleeps. Just get on the sofa and go to sleep. The housework can wait.
Take any other stressors off yourself as much as possible. Make the bottles in advance. Bulk cook or eat ready meals, stay in your dressing gown all day, whatever it takes to just focus on yourself and the baby.

Oh you poor thing! The first few months are absolute hell on earth but believe me it really does get better!!

The early days are so tough, my baby only slept for 2 hours at a time until he was around 8 weeks old then he started sleeping 4 or 5 hours for the first stretch followed by 3 hours and 2 hours.

I used to go to bed around 7pm and sleep until midnight, then my husband would bring him up to me while he slept. I actually barely remember those days now, I think everything was such a blur at the time! I do remember crying a lot!

8 weeks was a big turning point for me, everyone told me it gets better at 6 weeks and I was sorely disappointed when 6 weeks passed by with no improvement but a couple weeks later life got easier! There have been rough points since then but nothing like the first couple months andthey haven't lasted long, maybe a week or 2 max.

My baby is almost 8 months now and things are really great! He's mostly happy, naps in his cot for a few hours during the day and a bad night means that he wakes up once. Hang in there OP it does get better!

You are exhausted and shell shocked.Just plod along from day to day or even from hour to hour.I remember someone talking about three months to me when I was at this stage and feeling as if it was impossible that we would both be around in another 8 weeks.It does improve, you will start to understand your baby and get to know him, he will smile and enchantingly start to laugh, you will have an unexpected 3 hours sleep one day and gradually you will feel physically and mentally better.You have had an emotional and physical ordeal and are now expected to support and nurture a helpless newborn.
It does seem surprising that people choose to have another baby as you say but in the end these weeks are very few in all our lives.If you are unable to enjoy yourself or are having flashbacks or your thoughts are persistently negative about yourself or your baby you should seek medical help.

This was how it was for me. Lone parent too.

8 years later and please believe me, I promise you it gets easierZ

Hang in there, you will find your groove

Oh love, I could have written the same post a few weeks ago.

I'm not going to sit here and tell you that it's completely normal, because that is not what you need to hear. But please rest assured, it will get easier really really soon. My DS is 6weeks old and in the last 1.5 weeks has somehow just become easier. I don't know how, it's sure as shit not anything that I have done, but it is getting easier.

I stopped breastfeeding at 3.5 weeks, because honestly, fuck that. I know I will be lynched by the breast is best brigade, but it literally takes everything out of you and sleep windows do tend to be shorter for Bf babies. So if you are able to, I would recommend formula, it has saved my sanity.

I was dealing with the 2 hour stretches of sleep at 4 weeks, and then 3 nights ago somehow the stars and moons aligned, and my baby slept for a 5 hour stretch.

5 hours!! And the next night he slept for 6 hours. Last night he was back to 3.5 hour stretches but just having those couple of nights where it was a longer period was like a light at the end of the tunnel.

You should get smiles in the next couple of weeks which I promise will make life easier.

As others have said, if you can get help please do. My best pal turned up after I had a colossal breakdown on the phone to her. The angel came over and watched the baby, let me sleep. She stocked my fridge with food and she brought infacol, gripe water and a million extra muslins. Stuff like this will help you no end.

If you have a partner, can you get him to do one of the night feeds? If so, stick some ear plugs in or bugger off to another room for a bit to catch up on sleep, even if it's just a couple of hours uninterrupted sleep it will help you no end.

At this stage you just need to survive. The overwhelming feelings of panic / regret will ease. You are probably still in the thick of the baby blues with hormones rushing around so go easy on yourself.

Big hugs, it is the hardest job in the world xx

I have a 5 week old and it's hell !!! They don't sleep!! So I totally get it. I also have a toddler who is now an absolute joy and brings me so much happiness (seeing her learning to talk and play adventure). It really really REALLY does get better

I always said it's survival instinct that babies smile at about 6 weeks - by 6 weeks of utter hell the little suckers actually give something back and it stops you just as you're about to sling them out the window.

It's hard, so hard, but honestly hang in there. Don't even take things day by day, at one point with dc2 I could only literally look at getting through the next hour.

I also remember when dc2 was a few weeks old I was googling if I could give him up to social services and still keep the toddler. 😅

They are delightful children now, most of the time. But I guess they give me something back rather than shitting, eating and demanding my soul on a stick every moment of the day.

My first born was a high needs baby with a milk allergy and severe silent reflux I still to this day do not know how I kept her alive ! Surviving on 2 hours sleep a day while she screamed for the other 22 hours non stop I was depressed and cried each day it got better around month 5 each day dragged on and on she's 6 years old now and a dream , I've had my second and the difference is crazy he slept the whole time has been an angel baby's are just different! I promise it will get better it took me 5 years to even think about having another baby! I was adamant I was done until she got older, try and reach out to who ever you can for support I didn't do this enough .