Toddler ruined something of mine

[Sleepyquest]

I am absolutely furious that my toddler has ruined an expensive item of mine whilst I breastfed her sibling. Is there any point telling her off? Do I just have to accept that all my stuff will be destroyed? Shall I just sell everything worth any value and live in an empty house? I am very frustrated 😢 and can't help my feelings but also don't want to feel negative about it. Advice please xx

Need more information. How old is your toddler? 2/3/4 Did you toddler ruin the item deliberately or was it an accident?

Why were you not able to stop them ruining the item? I don't know about others but toddlers should always be in your line of sight. If your doing laundry they're in the laundry. Cooking they're in the kitchen etc etc. If not in a good play pen with high sides they can't climb out of.

The only reason your stuff (90% and above*) will get wrecked by your toddler is if they have the opportunity to be touching stuff they shouldn't be because you have given them the opportunity by them being in a position where you cannot observe what they are doing.

I am probably sounding mean and judgemental and I apologise. But toddlers are the worse years for them breaking things if you don't watch.

Keep her in your line of sight. That's it. That is all I did. If I was doing the dishes she was in the kitchen with me. You can also involve them get tub of water a bit of soft hand wash on a towel give her a few plastic cups to bang around. sure a bit of water will splash. In the laundry get her to pass you clothes. for example get her to pass you the nickers 'One, two three. 10 Oh we have used a lot of nickers Put the baby in the portable bassinet on a secure surface and chat to them while working. Breastfeeding have them hold the towel for when you burp the baby. Get them to give the baby small taps to help you burp them and of course show them to be gentle first. Read them a book.

And that's why they always need to be in your line of sight. You can't tell your toddler not to touch the lipstick in your can't see them touch it.

This is exactly what I mean by how kids are different. My friend’s daughter was like this and wouldn’t happily play doing whatever mum was doing. My son? No way! He would climb into the bowl of water, run off, get water all over the living room. It would be chaos. Just different kids are wired differently.

Kids copy their parents. They see you drink they want to drink. They see you put make up on they do that too, with a lot less precision! Then they grab whatever to wipe it - do you think she knows the value of your sweater?
You put away precious, breakable items. You keep things like lipstick and pens out of their reach. They learn through touch and putting things in their mouths.
You do NOT put adult thinking into their brains - they simply cannot think or understand or process in they way you do. Yes they can experience jealousy and anger and frustration, and act out, but these acts are simple and immediate.
You are not a bad mother, but you can not expect a young child to appreciate the difference between pot and a precious heirloom vase.

Awh she's still so tiny, I know it's hard to see with a tiny baby. But she really is.

She saw a pretty lipstick that mummy uses, then did what mummy does. That's all she knows.
Plus she's sharing you now and that's hard for her to understand, especially as she doesn't quite realise that you're not part of her yet.

Everything precious, valuable, expensive... out of the way. Give toddler time and ensure she's still treated as the little child she is. Good luck.

As well as being a toddler who wants to be just like mummy - touching and wearing mummies stuff, she is also displaced , her world turned upside down by a sibling she doesnt want. It is one of the hardest adjustments. for her and for you. I hope you can find a way to look beyond the stuff. Being a parent is so much harder than being the old you with a couple of kids hanging around. They will make a lot more mistakes as they grow, and they will definitely be marking territory and boundaries once they are teenagers. Right now, is easy, They just want to be with mummy. Sadly- it feels so hard . Hope you can get support

Keep your "precious" stuff locked up. She doesn't know she is doing wrong, she is copying mummy. If you don't like mess, why have kids? I don't understand women like you at all. Some of us would have loved to have a toddler using a lipstick and even messing up a jersey.

I know how annoying loosing something you really liked was but with kids and animals you are bound to have a few accidents and some things will get broken / ruined / lost no matter what you do that’s life but you can do your best to keep things out of reach and by supervising as much as you can , limiting their freedom to roam . I’ve had two toddlers (now they’re grown up but still causing some mayhem at 17 and 10 by arguing all the time ) and my home and lots of my and their clothes too were white, I’ve also had porcelain and crystal and expensive clothes, bags ,shoes and jewellery etc around but out of reach but we had some rules . Toddlers are a constant accident waiting to happen though it is exhausting and a relief when they start realising a bit more and understanding explanations etc . Telling them off about something like this when they’re very little won’t really work . Just have to think that stuff is replaceable at least most of the time and even if it isn’t it’s just stuff and not a living thing . That said I just didn’t have messy makeup in reach , markers , glitter , paint etc and kept the sudocreme etc high up . There were still mishaps sometime when you least expect it .

To stop feeling frustrated you need to be relaxed about your house and things. Have a space, room, area which is comfortable for you and toddler-proofed for your explorer. I had a bookcase which my toddler would pull out every book, so I replaced all the books up the the shelf level he could reach with those hard back toddler books. It kept him amused for hours, pulling them all off and looking at each one. All visions of a super Instagram style house are not compatible with young children unless you give them a space which they can dive bomb and leave no lasting damage. It will come naturally after a while. Beautiful things go up a level with each stage of your toddler.

It worries me that you use the word ‘furious’ when you are describing your toddler being a toddler. She is not touching your things to ‘mark her territory,’ she is just exploring her surroundings for goodness sake. And if you want a pristine house you shouldn’t have had kids. Of course they’re going to make a mess with their toys, arts and crafts etc, but you can’t blame them if you’re not going to pick up your own mess and put it safely out of their reach.

When you have small children you need to lock up all your nice stuff and bring them back out 20 years later x

Agree. Very odd and unhealthy comment about your 2 year old. 2 year olds touch everything and drink your drinks! Normal. I haven't had 1 snack in presence of my 4 year old for 3 years that I haven't had to share or just give to them! Totally normal

This.

All kids do this at least once. Along with the foundation/sudocrem everywhere day and the finding scissors and cutting their own hair. One day this will be a humerous anecdote told fondly but you're obviously not there yet.

I think there is a stain devils type product which can get lipstick out, maybe google before putting your sweater through the wash and setting in the stain?

You are at one of the hardest stages right now, be kind to yourself and your child.

I actually think that this is not the hardest stage, (sorry). I found teenage daughter stage, so horrendous, so emotional and heartbreaking I would have swapped her for a toddler any time. Thankfully, this too passed and she got through it, but be prepared!

If you don't discipline your child when they're little you can expect an out of control teenager in the future. Children need to be taught respect for other people and their property as well as how to be safe. When I say discipline I do NOT NOT NOT mean smacking nor do I mean screaming and shouting . There are plenty of other ways of teaching children discipline and it should be age-appropriate. With a toddler I would have a 'naughty step'. You should place the child on the bottom step and leave them there for the number of minutes that matches their age. So 2 minutes for a 2 year old, 3 minutes for a 3 year old etc. When you place the child on the step you should squat down and calmly explain why you're putting them there. If they try to get up at any point take them back and restart the time. When time is up you ask the child to apologise and then give them a hug. It's a simple technique and it works as long you're consistent.

This

Your toddler has absolutely no idea what the value of an item is and Im am shocked you are even asking this question as if shes some sort of evil entity. You are entirely to blame in this matter not her at this age - you need to change your behaviour and properly supervise your child

She's not marking her territory. She's trying to be like mum. She looks up to you and feels she should be like you so she's copying you. Put away fancy/expensive things until your children are older. Wear stuff that can be thrown into the washing machine - it's honestly the only way when they are young. When my sister (5 years younger) and I were young, we pretty much destroyed a collection of dolls from other countries that my mum had on display. We played with them, took them off their stands and undressed them, even though their clothes were stuck on. She never told us off but as an adult now, I can see it must have been a real shame. Sorry mum.

Yeah the sort to stick knife in a power point. Pull a heavy object down on his head. Even more the sort you need to make sure is in your line of sight. Even if he doesn't like it and needs telling off a few times to get the message that when your in a room he needs to be where you can see him. I hope your son doesn't seriously hurt himself whilst he is gayfully running around the house unsupervised because he's wired differently.

I consider myself a strict parent, but I would never punish a 2 year old, in any shape or form, for exploring something that was left on the floor. I would scold myself for being so careless

Definitely replaceable but I always feel like she's marking her territory. Drinking my drinks and touching all my things. Normally I don't care, but this time I do

I think this is the most significant comment really as you need to have a think about why you feel that! Is it related to your own childhood and not having "your own things" or "always "having to share"? The point is the feeling is inappropriate when related to a 2 year olds behaviour.

Plus you are a tired Mum and looking after young kids is hard work ...so that can easily "press your buttons" that are part of your psyche. So know your buttons and keep them under control in relation to your young child!