Toddler ruined something of mine

[Sleepyquest]

I am absolutely furious that my toddler has ruined an expensive item of mine whilst I breastfed her sibling. Is there any point telling her off? Do I just have to accept that all my stuff will be destroyed? Shall I just sell everything worth any value and live in an empty house? I am very frustrated 😢 and can't help my feelings but also don't want to feel negative about it. Advice please xx

People have perfect houses and stuff because they have “help” parents, nannies, cleaners, housekeepers and other staff.

I think it depends on the child. My eldest would touch everything. Take everything apart. Everything got broken. It drove me crazy! You may be able to save the jumper. Ask a dry cleaners if they can sort it out.

It sounds like she has a curious mind. She might like toys you can build things with.

I really feel for you. After raising 6 kids in the house I have little left now of any value! My eldest is 22 and youngest 6 and finally I have started to redecorate to a nicer standard and bought more expensive things for myself. I have 4 daughters and it's easy to say 'keep all precious things locked away/out of reach at all times' but not always possible in the real world! Over 22 years At one point there wasn't a room will walls that hadn't had drawing over, the sofas would have stains a month after buying new, jewellery lost and broken (don't get me started on make up!) The carpet had stains the list is endless, things were always tidy and I am quite house proud but i had to accept I wallpaper would be ripped, things would be broken and my expensive clothes would be used as wipes from time to time 🙈
Totally used to upset me too though but finally I am (almost) back to some order again!

I get how you feel. Mine are older now but I remember when they were little my (now ex) DH broke one of the very nice wine glasses I had bought just a few days before, one of the kids knocked ribena all over me and ruined my dress and then another knocked my phone onto the floor and stood on it. I shouted "ffs!! Can't I have ANYTHING without someone wrecking it?!" And burst into tears! Sometimes it really does get to you. No it's not deliberate but if I accidentally poked you in the eye would I be reasonable to tell you it shouldn't hurt as I didn't do it on purpose?

Lesson learned on both sides.
Deep breath, centre yourself & relax but totally get how this has made you feel.

Your little one will follow you round, want your food, drink & everything you have because you are their safe space & guide. If it is safe/good for you it is safe/good for them.
As for the house it will be different while you have little ones but that will change as they get older. I’ve given up worrying about the house now because I can’t keep on top of everything due to ill health from traumatic birth.
We are all as happy as can be, as healthy as can be, have a roof over our heads, food in our belly & spend quality time together.
The washing pile will be gone one day, as will the sink full of dishes, endless questions & digging kiddo out of bed for school.

Maybe you should read up on toddler behaviour. Something like what to expect books. Your post is strange because you really seem not to expect that toddlers will explore and break things. Anything breakable, dangerous or precious needs to be out of reach. And they need to be watched All the Time.

You're not horrible, just tired. Your toddler won’t remember the incident in years to come. But even toddlers need to learn boundaries.

DS1 was pretty good with them, tho not all of the time, cos toddler. DS2 was a different kettle of fish, just one of those kids who broke things, not out of malice, he could be so heavy handed sometimes. Drove me mad but we got through it and they’re both (mostly) lovely teens.

Some of the comments here are dreadfully unkind and a bit smug. Wonder if these people would be so condescending and frankly, nasty- to your face?

Good for you for seeking help and advice.

This is a tough gig, isn’t it (toddler & newborn here too)!

I used to have some lovely ‘things’ in my tidy and curated space. No more. One day again, maybe.

Sending solidarity as I have an extremely destructive toddler who breaks her own toys, rips books in half, throws cups and bowls of food across the room and on the rare occasions she can reach a china mug or bowl that someone left too close to the edge, she will hurl those and I watch them get smashed to smithereens. I am also breastfeeding a newborn so can’t always get there in time to stop the toddler either

My toddler is the same except when he grabs something he knows he shouldn’t waits to see my reaction with a cheeky smile on his face. No point dwelling on it things are going to get ruined and no point hiding everything nice they’ll still find a way to climb up the shelves!?!!! If screaming NOOOOO makes you feel better do it

In the nicest possible way you sound exhausted. She's a toddler. How is a 2.5 year old supposed to know this stuff? Ouch.

My third son had a thing for my Benefit blusher. I think I replaced it about three times and even though I kept my door closed and put a bolt at the top to keep the bugger out, somehow he managed to make a beeline for it every time I left the door open!

And don't talk to me about the book lights my twins ruined. About ten.

I'm more concerned with the way you talk about things, like breastfeeding her sibling, marking territories, drinking your drinks and touching your things. They are all very weird ways to think about things

Yes, they always ruin the nice things

I had 2 Clarins lipsticks wrecked, they were expensive and a real treat but dd liked them

Sometimes the end of your tether is much closer than you think. I'm guessing your fairly newly post partum and your hormones will be all over the shop. I'd this isn't a daily occurance I don't think you need to worry about your mental health. Chalk it up to a bad day and give your toddler an extra hug. You are all dealing with massive changes at the moment and there will be teething issues. On a practical note keep things that can be damaged or cause damage up high. Aim to have a basket of easy to play with toys on each room so that you can get to them easily and if all else fails CBeebies. This too shall pass.

We are in this stage with my youngest. She is also 2.5 but literally u cannot trust her to be in the next room because she WILL find something she's not supposed to have and ruin it. She's very sneaky too, she'll find my make up bag and because she knows she not supposed to have it will grab it stealth like and slope quietly off to a corner and get it all out / plaster it all over her face / the walls. She's obsessed with mine and her teen sisters 'ip-stick' . Not just that she'll pour liquid all over the place at any given opportunity too. It is very frustrating. I also wonder how people ever manage to have nice houses with kids too 😞

She is a toddler, if she feels the need for attention she’ll do what she needs to do to get it. I’d have to ask if you are busy scrolling on your phone whilst feeding and she feels left out

Everything is something to play with and explore to a toddler. They don’t understand about ruining your things and there’s a very good chance you telling her not to wipe her face on things previously, won’t be something she’d remember or be able to apply on other occasions. It is disheartening I know and I bet you’re knackered having a baby too. Don’t worry though there’s no intent from your little toddler and time does go quickly.
i’d try to keep your little monkey in your line of sight. Plonk her next to you on the sofa snd stick her favourite show on lol

You need to lower your expectations of keeping a clean house and having nice things, it's not possible with such young children. It's a bit soul destroying every time somethings gets damaged. They don't understand about the need to be gentle/ clean/still or how expensive things are. You can only try not to lose your rag, explain why they shouldn't be doing the thing you don't want them to do and hide away anything special/breakable.
I don't think your daughter is being deliberately hurtful, but she may want more attention from you and act out, especially as you have a younger child. It's really hard to give them both the attention they need/want, so I feel your pain.

If it helps, my toddler smashed a TV screen with a padlock when we all in another room. He said he wanted to see inside..

This!!

Miaow

I remember when DD1 was a toddler and DD2 was a newborn. We’d just moved into a Victorian house and I went all out having it painted top to bottom in Farrow and Ball period colours. It was f*cked within a month 😂 I didn’t learn … I carried on renovating the house and seen expensive thing after expensive thing broken as they got older. And then one day I just realised … I had to let go of my attachment to stuff. I did. And life is a whole lot easier.

Of course she especially likes your stuff. It's special to her because it's yours and because she's seen you use it, I presume.

My baby wants nothing more in life than to get hold of a mobile. He'd do anything for it. It's his holy grail. It's not because he is trying to make his territory but because he's seen us use it excessively and so he knows it's something very cool.

Keep things out of her reach. However, at 2.5 I'd definitely also explain to her what you don't want her to do or want her to do or when she did something you weren't happy about. You don't need to tell her off but do explain it to her. (Eg at that age I told my DD that she's only allowed to draw on blank paper. Anything else she has to ask us first. She still once in a while drew on something inappropriate but most of the time she did ask first).

My 16 month old managed to scribble on the door with a black marker pen when I was busy for two seconds with my newborn... literally seconds and he was in same room as me. I blamed my husband for leaving it around for him to find as I'd toddler proofed the room. Dh never made the mistake of leaving anything again.

Stuff is just stuff. It’s a replaceable jumper.