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Original poster

Toddler ruined something of mine

197 replies

Sleepyquest · 30/05/2022 16:00

I am absolutely furious that my toddler has ruined an expensive item of mine whilst I breastfed her sibling. Is there any point telling her off? Do I just have to accept that all my stuff will be destroyed? Shall I just sell everything worth any value and live in an empty house? I am very frustrated 😢 and can't help my feelings but also don't want to feel negative about it. Advice please xx

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Kokapetl · 30/05/2022 17:00

My toddler broke my lovely guitar. I've not found one as perfect to play since. He didn't mean to, just knocked it over and the neck snapped.

It happens. My guitar now lives behind the TV, out of reach. It's not too difficult to keep things away from an average toddler. Some are complete liabilities and can get at anything though!

DoubleDiamond · 30/05/2022 17:00

@Sleepyquest I think it was just a few of the phrases that you used that sounded concerning, OP. Obviously it's normal to be frustrated about things being broken and having a baby and a toddler together is tough.

Well done for speaking to your GP.

IglesiasPiggl · 30/05/2022 17:02

When you have toddlers you need to temporarily wave goodbye to cashmere, silk, white and statement jewellery. It is something to look forward to reinstating when they're older!

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Redburnett · 30/05/2022 17:02

It's absurd to blame a toddler, it is your fault for leaving the item within reach.

MagicTurtle · 30/05/2022 17:03

Ah OP, of course it's completely normal to feel cross and frustrated when your toddler ruins something nice, however much you know she didn't do it on purpose. It's so tough with a baby and a toddler. I hope tomorrow is a better day!

Hoppinggreen · 30/05/2022 17:03

My concern wasn’t that you were upset, that’s perfectly normal and I know how frustrating toddlers can be.
It was the comments about your child marking her territory that was unusual

Hallyup89 · 30/05/2022 17:03

You can't possibly keep a nice house with young children. Everything gets broken, destroyed, drawn on, eaten, peed on, drinks spilt on etc. etc.

It's a fact of life and you just have to accept it for a few years. No amount of telling a toddler off will change anything. The baby will start, just as the toddler grows out of it.

stuntbubbles · 30/05/2022 17:03

Honestly, keep anything that really matters locked away. Remember you don’t have to do that forever. But you can’t have expensive lipstick and fancy jumpers and nice jewellery etc etc accessible, and expect it to stay pristine.

My toddler has pushed sentimental rings of mine into gaps in the floorboards, destroyed countless lipsticks, scratched by glasses to buggery, ruins every bunch of flowers I buy. None of it is to be naughty or destructive: it’s all “what happens if it do this? Huh” or “I do lipstick like mummy!” (I don’t apply it to my forehead or hair though…)

I’ve just had to recognise that my nice things have to be kept away in a different way from pre-kids. In the same way that I stopped wearing necklaces and dangly earrings when she was a baby in the sling or breastfeeding, because she’d grab, whereas now I can wear them. At some point, we’ll be able to establish boundaries on my makeup bag, but until then it’s under lock and key the same way a bottle of bleach or knives or matches are.

Yes, it’s gutting when your stuff gets ruined by kids. But it’s just stuff. Keep it out of reach.

Redburnett · 30/05/2022 17:05

OP having read your responses you need to educate yourself on child development. You are attributing motives to a toddler that are not possible at their age.

BobbinHood · 30/05/2022 17:06

I realise 2.5 might seem quite grown up when you’ve a younger child too but it’s really, really not.

2bazookas · 30/05/2022 17:08

When I say marking her territory I mean she literally has to touch everything that is not hers.

That's not marking territory, it's just curiosity and exploration. Its perfectly natural but it has to be limited for safety sake.

NOW is when you start to teach her that when you say "Don't touch" she must take her hand away.
"We don't touch dog poo because its stinky. Children don't touch the fruit outside the greengrocer shop because it doesn't belong to us. Never touch Mummy's cups of tea and coffee because its very hot".

puddingandsun · 30/05/2022 17:09

When I read the OP's posts there seemed to be too much emphasis on things, what's hers vs child's, the appearance of the house, ownership/ territory.

Surely your kids' development is much more important.

Passtheduchyonthelefthandside · 30/05/2022 17:10

I'm glad you've had a chat with your doctor. I didn't mean any offense in my post. Having had 3 under 4 years, I had terrible pnd with my youngest. I remember I came online to ask for help and I got berated, so I really am sorry if my words upset you.

Please try and take a few mins out,making sure children are safe, for a bit of a breather.

Knittingchamp · 30/05/2022 17:12

Mouthfulofquiz · 30/05/2022 16:30

Oh god, I can feel your pain!
this is why I put my silk scarves / nice jumpers / decent jewellery away for a few years I’m afraid. I’ve had favourite vases smashed, puncture smashed, a flower spike picked off a houseplant (that really got to me and I cried!)

Totally feel your pain OP, I get it! I remember those days. I lowered my expectations in the end and just revel in the fact now that we don't have to toddler proof things, and my nice things stay nice (years later). Do a little something to treat yourself because you majorly deserve it.

declutteringmymind · 30/05/2022 17:13

Get used to it. My 4yo son went into reception wearing my Chanel lipstick once.

Mamette · 30/05/2022 17:15

This reminds me of the time DD took my NARS multiple in shade St Barts and gave herself a lovely bronzed visage which took about 3 days to get off. She also decorated the hall stairs and landing with it giving a sort of shimmery dirty-protest vibe.

Give your DD a break OP. She’s little, she’s sharing you with a baby sibling and lipsticks are very inviting.

HonorOakWifeOfGabriel · 30/05/2022 17:16

OP, it's normal to feel cross and frustrated with toddlers, even if they are just being normal toddlers (which yours is).

It's not normal to have a beautiful house full of expensive things, and toddlers living in it. Whichever of your friends says they have this is not telling you the truth. Either that, or the children are consigned to the West Wing with a nanny and a cleaner, and are only allowed to present themselves to their parents in their nightdresses at 6PM.

If you have small children, things get broken and squashed and painted on and flooded and drawn on and get covered in glitter. This is how children learn. A toddler doesn't know the difference between a floor cloth and a cashmere cardigan. They are also in your space all the time. It's partly because they haven't yet entirely realised that they are separate from you. It will come.

Anyfeckinusername · 30/05/2022 17:16

I remember how tough it was, and I also had two under two. You have my sympathies.

it will of course go back to normal … don’t worry OP normal to be upset and normal for your toddler, it’s death by a thousand cuts with regard to our nerves with toddlers and babies!

Solonge · 30/05/2022 17:17

Just put anything of value up high so she cant reach it. We have all been there. Toddlers dont know about the world yet....so she wont have a scooby that she isnt supposed to do some things. We had nice 'stuff' when our kids were small... but they were on high shelves or in cupboards the kids couldnt reach.

Manekinek0 · 30/05/2022 17:18

It is frustrating, you won't have a nice clean house for quite a few years. Especially if you have patio doors. The dread I used to feel when they were a bit too quiet! Mine got nail polish on a carpet, ruined CDs (yes it was years ago!), destroyed cosmetics, ripped some wallpaper off the wall, and stained more of my clothing than I can remember. My friends DC attempted to pick up a tin of paint and dropped it (luckily not on toes) and ruined their flooring.

ErinAoife · 30/05/2022 17:20

I gave up having nice things, it always ends up behind destroy and don't seem to stop even when they are older. I now wait that the kids are all grow up to make improvement in the house as no point to do it now.

Nandocushion · 30/05/2022 17:20

Awww, I get it OP. You don't need help from the GP or education in child development. You have a toddler and a baby who are on you all day and night and you just need some goddamn SPACE! I remember that so well.

rainbowplease · 30/05/2022 17:25

I have a 2.5 year old and a 2 week old (plus two more DC). My 2.5 year old likes to be 'naughty' whilst I'm breastfeeding too so I sympathise. I just make sure anything I don't want her to touch is in a cupboard up high.
FWIW I don't think it's wrong to tell her off. When mine are naughty I just say 'we don't do x because of y'.

gamerchick · 30/05/2022 17:26

This shit is normal, especially with lipstick. Lipstick needs to be under chains imo.

My last kid actually climbed to get something that was precious. When I discovered it broken it was a sink to the knees moment. I got it fixed but I was gutted. I remember the first ornament I bought after my 3 were up a bit. Didn't dare to believe I could have stuff like that.

Mauye stick together a box full of interesting things and let her have it when you're nursing.

bjjgirl · 30/05/2022 17:26

"This too shall pass"

Your toddler is like a puppy messy and obsessed by you, normal behaviour.

You are tired and stressed and want space, normal behaviour.

Please don't be hard on yourself, it will get easier and before you know it she will be a teenager and she will call you "cringe"- well that's what my dd calls me. All parenting stages have their good and bad points, you will find certain ages easier to others.