Toddler ruined something of mine

[Sleepyquest]

I am absolutely furious that my toddler has ruined an expensive item of mine whilst I breastfed her sibling. Is there any point telling her off? Do I just have to accept that all my stuff will be destroyed? Shall I just sell everything worth any value and live in an empty house? I am very frustrated 😢 and can't help my feelings but also don't want to feel negative about it. Advice please xx

Yes, toddlers will do that.

And no, you can't have nice things, or not out on display anyway. Lock it all away and revisit in 2024.

Yes, in the 14 minutes between one post and the next.
That's a great GP service. Nice to see that things are improving after all the criticism of GP surgeries during Covid.

If you want to keep a nice house with small children you need to either put your stuff up where they can't reach it or make sure they know not to touch things. The former is easier.

In general though, you can start introducing the idea of mine/ yours at around the age your DD is now.

She's not marking territory, but you can make sure your territory is clear. She isn't to touch your makeup or anything in your drawers like your jewellery. Its difficult to enforce this if she can get into your room while you're feeding the baby or if she's there with you and your attention is distracted, so close your door or make sure your stuff is never in reach.

@PAFMO No actually, a few weeks ago and they are setting up support. They have been surprisingly swift.

I have a 2.5 year old.

she is our second and last.

she was snuggled into my arms as I read your post OP - and I cannot imagine a scenario where she is anything but a baby still at the grand old age of 2.5.

I suspect your 2.5 being your eldest makes her look/feel “big” because she is “bigger” than the new arrival. It’s a good moment to alter your expectations of your 2.5 year old tiny one.

OP having a tiny baby and a toddler is so exhausting.
I remember when I was in the same situation. My toddler went from being the apple of my eye to being so BIG and annoying. I think it’s the hormones that make you look after the baby and then the toddler crashes about breaking stuff in their outdoor shoes.

it gets better! A few years later someone wrote Happy Christmas in permanent marker on the bathroom wall. The eldest tried to put the blame on the now toddler who obviously couldn’t read or write.

She's copying mummy - this, and playing, is how they learn. I'm afraid all your nice things need to be out of her reach. Also, get her cheap copies/toy versions of the things you wear/use - they don't even care if they can't see the lipstick colour, they just want to copy you putting it on.

OP, my oldest brother pulled the flowers of tulips and gave to my mother telling her he’d ‘picked’ them for her. She was very upset as she loved those tulips.
The same brother and DB2 found then drew and wrote all over her nursing certificates. Despite them put somewhere out of reach, or so she thought.
God knows the number of my mother’s belongings we destroyed when we played house’. It wasn’t intentional we were copying the grown-ups.

I'm glad you're getting support.

Going from one baby/toddler to toddler plus baby is one of the hardest transitions you'll ever make. You really are pulled in all directions, and you need to be available on their very different levels 24/7. It is so relentless.

If only we could really grow eyeballs in the back of our heads, and extra arms, and x-ray vision. And get a night's sleep every so often.

You'll laugh about it in time. Treat toddlers like puppies and never assume that they will be able to resist touching and playing with things they can reach. It's a need they have to explore and it is frustrating but you can't change it.

Have you seen the Baby's Catalogue book? The 'Accidents' page is very accurate!

@Sleepyquest
“ Marking her territory “?
That is what a male dog does, not a little girl.
Of course she emulates you, putting lipstick on her face, as she sees you doing makeup.
lipsticks look like crayons as well, and kids that age have no concept of damage.
It’s not like she’s smashed stuff up.

She will also be jealous of the new arrival, which is entirely normal.

Puppies and toddlers need everything putting out of their reach until they are more “ Trusworthy”

Our Whippet is a terrible chewer, at. Yr old, and it’s annoying, but my fault for leaving things in reach.

What I use to do with my eldest when feeding the baby was to do one handed puzzles & games & have a drink ready for dd1 beside me or books
I became very adept at one handed puzzles & she got very good at puzzles, You need to sit in childproof room (I usually stayed in lounge) or child proof your house putting things out of her reach. Do NOT blame your dc at this age. By all means teach her the word & meaning of NO! but dc is very little. The TV comes into own for one or two feeds.
If she is doing drawing with you & sees you using lipstick of course dc is going to try it out.
I can remember changing a nappy (always did this on mat on floor) & I left large container of nappy cream on floor - On my god how far can that spread...

DS was like this, he is 6 now and is still like it. Has to be all over touching things that are not his. It drives me crazy.

Dd (2) is quite a bit better but yes makeup, pens, and other agents of especial disaster are in locked drawers or on high shelves.

You can train them out of it, mostly, with enough gentle repetition.

Did your toddler seek out the item they broke, or was the expensive item in an environment where your toddler acted age appropriately and inquisitively, where ultimately they were set up to fail?

If the former, childproof better. If the latter, why be cross at your toddler for interacting with their environment?

Yabu obviously.

I'm sure this will not be the last thing. All expensive items well out of reach.

I disagree. I think a 2 1/2 year old
knows a little of what is rights and wrong. Wiping their face on their mums jumper when they have lipstick on, is definitely one where they know is not right. I would tell your dc, that it was wrong to do that. Yes, put things out of reach etc as well. Perhaps they are trying to get attention whilst you feed your baby? It will get easier!

Op sleep deprivation makes every dm (& ddad) walk round like a zombie & find it v difficult to cope - please don't feel bad we all go through it (unless your one of the few lucky blighters who db sleeps from day one - do they give them gin?? )
We can all tell you of things our toddlers did when we took our eyes off them for one minute.
Personally the only way I could have a bath was with 2 of my dc sharing it (once dbaby could sit up)
They never did anything I could see in the bath - thank goodness. At least we saved water although I didn't like luke warm baths

I don't think telling off per se.but every time and always I think they learn from the beginning what s right and wrong from us.eventually and with tone of voice and facial they start to understand.so it's more learning.and then they'll learn some items are more precious,not theirs,not paper! Etc.so I think yes still tell them,help them learn what right and wrong.u can tell her it wasn't a good thing to do and we don't do that.
Also relating your previous things to something of hers,like a doll sometimes helps.

Yes?

Agree with @kateandme.

You can start with reminders that things of yours are 'Mummy's - don't touch' with a gently leading away.

Starting early and being consistent is imo the way to establish what the house rules are.

Better to do that as well as putting stuff out of reach than ending up crying over spilt milk.

Well obviously you teach them, tell them, and help them understand! That’s what raising children is all about...

They don’t know the difference between something worth £1 and something worth £1000.
Move your valuables and teach calmly when appropriate.

Totally agree. I was in this situation years' ago

DH allowed my dds to ruin my jewellery and lipstick when he was meant to be supervising them

Something I haven't forgotten

@Sleepyquest

Don't be hard on yourself op.

It's hard with two small
Dc

My teenagers even though they're asked not to they are always at my dressing table
I set them up their own with mirrors hair dryers straighteners they've got all their own hair and make up stuff,wipes,cotton pads,body spray etc yet they still sit at mine for some reason.

Anyway what I'm trying to say is kids just want to use and play with our stuff and you do get used to it but I do remember similar situations with tubs of sudocrem I'd left out by accident in a sleep haze and talc dusted all over the place

Ignore the posters being funny op.
Your a tired mum of 2 small children and sleep deprived.

Take a breath and let it go