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Parenting

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Original poster

Toddler ruined something of mine

197 replies

Sleepyquest · 30/05/2022 16:00

I am absolutely furious that my toddler has ruined an expensive item of mine whilst I breastfed her sibling. Is there any point telling her off? Do I just have to accept that all my stuff will be destroyed? Shall I just sell everything worth any value and live in an empty house? I am very frustrated 😢 and can't help my feelings but also don't want to feel negative about it. Advice please xx

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Bunce1 · 30/05/2022 16:34

She wants to be you. So all your things are just so interesting and worth exploring. And the sensory feedback she will have gotten from the texture of the lipstick then the sweater would have been quite something. It’s all exploration.

but you are right, nice things up high and our of reach.

Staynow · 30/05/2022 16:34

She's not marking her territory, she wants to be just like you because you are her mum. Doing those things probably makes her feel close to you too. You need to be clear (gently but firmly) that she's not to touch your things without asking you first. If sometimes you don't care and are happy for her to do it then she will not understand why sometimes it is ok and sometimes it isn't.

esoryelneh · 30/05/2022 16:36

HandScreen · 30/05/2022 16:28

She is not marking her territory, and that is a really strange comment. I think you should seek help for your mental health.

Completely agree.

She is a toddler. Still such a baby compared to the many years to come.

You say you don't 'mind' usually sharing things with her. That's a given with kids. You sacrifice your whole life for your children.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Families General parenting

Bunce1 · 30/05/2022 16:38

FGS op doesn’t need to seek help for her mental health! Calm down dearie.

Original poster

Sleepyquest · 30/05/2022 16:43

Some people read into the wording too much. I am not very good with words.

When I say I don't mind, I mean I couldn't care less if she plays with my shoes or my hairbrush or anything that won't cause herself or her sibling any danger.

When I say marking her territory I mean she literally has to touch everything that is not hers. I appreciate this is just toddlers

I have also realised through this thread that it is my own fault as I have been known to let her play with lip balm which is essentially the same thing ( although colourless)

Lesson learnt and thanks for the feedback. I won't carry on reading as I feel like I have to keep justifying my words and thoughts and that's what therapy is for!

OP posts:

Squashpocket · 30/05/2022 16:43

Who have you seen keeping a pristine house with a toddler and a baby? Have you been hanging out on Instagram too much or something?

Original poster

Sleepyquest · 30/05/2022 16:44

Bunce1 · 30/05/2022 16:38

FGS op doesn’t need to seek help for her mental health! Calm down dearie.

Thank you. I am beginning to feel like the worst mother of the year reading peoples comments!

OP posts:

Smartsub · 30/05/2022 16:46

I'm afraid when a toddler's involved, the fault lies with whoever left it (or a lipstick) in reach of an unsupervised toddler.

The feeling about marking her territory his odd and concerning IMO.

CPL593H · 30/05/2022 16:47

Sleepyquest · 30/05/2022 16:25

Thanks all. Think I just reacted quickly and badly. She is 2.5 and it wasn't on purpose but I've told her not to wipe her face on things. A lipstick had fallen on the floor, she proceeded to put it all over her face and then wiped it all over my expensive sweater. Definitely replaceable but I always feel like she's marking her territory. Drinking my drinks and touching all my things. Normally I don't care, but this time I do.

I couldn't see her because I was on the bed and she was crouched behind the next to me crib. I appreciate those saying to have her next to me but she doesn't sit still so easier said than done.

Will stop buying anything expensive and keep make up in a locked drawer. How does anyone manage to keep a nice house with small children!? Or should I just expect to not until they are much, much older?

OP, she's tiny. She wasn't marking her territory. She's still very "attached" to you and there will be a lot of touch involved. I can see that with a very new baby as well that feels a bit overwhelming at times but it isn't her fault.

I mean it very kindly but please talk to someone about how you're feeling, PND can creep up, as I'm sure you know.

Ihatethenewlook · 30/05/2022 16:50

Bunce1 · 30/05/2022 16:38

FGS op doesn’t need to seek help for her mental health! Calm down dearie.

I disagree. I found the op’s way of talking about her toddler extremely concerning. She’s being punished for being left with no supervision and playing with some lipstick. The op seems to see her as some sort of adversary or opponent, begrudging sharing her drinks and things with her?? Who thinks like that about their baby?

Maireas · 30/05/2022 16:51

She's two, she doesn't know what's "hers"! She's playing and exploring. It wasn't deliberate harm or negative in any way.
Put treasures/ valuable stuff away for the next few years.

PAFMO · 30/05/2022 16:51

The one poster supporting you by being snarky to others on this thread is wrong.

I'm not sure if your toddler ruined the lipstick or the sweater, but both are not big deals. Toddlers learn by touch, feel and copying. It's in their hardwiring.

Your reaction was very concerning and I'd agree with others that you perhaps need to speak to your GP.

TheFoxAndTheStar · 30/05/2022 16:54

Is it possible you have an over idealised vision of how life with a toddler should be? Because it is messy and things get broken. I’m afraid it comes with the territory, but they are worth it and it doesn’t last forever.

ancientgran · 30/05/2022 16:54

Just don't get how some people manage to have lovely things and toddlers yet I can't (a lot has been broken but this is the only time I've really cared) I feel like I must be going wrong somewhere!
I was so full of how easy it all was and how brilliantly I'd done with DS1. Just put him in his cot, say goodnight and nothing for 12 hours, never had to put an ornament out of reach as he never touched anything he shouldn't. He'd eat anything, no fussy eaters in my house.

Then I had number2 who thought sleep was for wimps, was embarrassingly fussy with food and wrecked anything and everything he could get his hands on. Number 3 was sunny and happy but didn't sleep and didn't eat but was beautifully behaved and then number 4 who would eat anything not nailed down including the dogs dinner and biscuits, raw food if he could reach it, walked at 10 months, climbed like a monkey but slept beautifully.

It isn't you she just has a lively and inquisitive nature.

Passtheduchyonthelefthandside · 30/05/2022 16:54

She is copying you, this is how she will learn and develop. Marking her territory sounds like she's a dog having a piss.

Toddler years are hard, eyes in the back of your head are needed at all times. Place things out of reach or away that can get damaged or cause harm.

I do think your post resonates of pnd, you have two small children, lack of sleep etc can have a massive affect on you. Please see your doctor or hv.

ScootsMcHoy · 30/05/2022 16:54

I think it's OK for you to be sad about your things and it's OK for you to be cross about the situation.

It sounds like she was just copying what she had seen you doing with the lipstick. That's what toddlers do and that's how they learn.

Later, say to her that she is not to play with mammy's things without asking you.

My Mam never let my sister and I look in her handbag and I was the same with my two. It's a small thing but it's about respect and it's about them seeing you as a separate person too.

ProfessionalWeirdo · 30/05/2022 16:57

"How does anyone manage to keep a nice house with small children!?"

When my DCs were small, one of the most valuable pieces of advice I was given was: "You can choose any two of the following, but not all three: A clean house; happy kids; your sanity".

pistachi0nuts · 30/05/2022 16:57

Jeeeesus the poor lady is allowed to feel annoyed that her toddler wrecked a jumper!! Toddlers are annoying!! Let alone a toddler and a newborn. Sounds like you just needed a little vent. Don’t take any of the stupid comments about your mental health to heart, youre doing a fab job. People on here love to tear a woman down, it makes them feel good. They think that mothers should be martyrs who cannot complain about a single element of motherhood or say a single bad word about their children. It’s not normal or healthy.

Mouthfulofquiz · 30/05/2022 16:57

My mum was exactly the same about her handbag! I’d forgotten about that!
OP don’t be down on yourself. Having a baby and a toddler is HARD.

Ilkleymoor · 30/05/2022 16:57

Marking her territory made me think that maybe you are worried about balancing two children. Are you finding the baby easier? Are you expecting her to act out?

Did the ruined top particularly upset you because.youre juggling a lot at the moment and can't see when you will be able to have nice things again?

2bazookas · 30/05/2022 16:58

Just keep everything precious and breakable out of his reach. Or put it away somewhere safe. In our kids toddler years there was a sort of safety tideline 3 ft high all round the kitchen and sitting room ( vacant shelves, locked cupboards, concealed switches and sockets.).

From around 3 or 4, I have some "precious things" which a very careful, gentle, responsible child can be granted the trusted honour of being allowed to look at and handle under supervision. A special treat, not for babies, careless rough people or when parents are not there. DH ditto with tools. That's how children start to learn about safety, risk, care and respect, gentleness and trust, responsibility.

In a few years time , if you've brought them up well,
you'll be able to leave robust treasures around safely once they understand
the boundaries.

When they are both rambunctious kids at large with favourite toys , make intricate games etc, they'll teach each other pretty quickly (the hard way) not to break a beloved toy or wreck a sibling's game.

Meanwhile all you can say to a toddler is " That was Mummy's very special thing and I'm very upset because it got broken. We must be careful with other peoples things".

VanillaIce1 · 30/05/2022 16:58

Shelves shelves shelves. I'd of even put the newborn baby on a shelf once to keep him out of harms way.
One time I went to the loo and she drew eyebrows on him!

Notaneffingcockerspaniel · 30/05/2022 16:59

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

PatAndFrank · 30/05/2022 16:59

The smaller the kids the higher up things go! Bit late to tell them off now… in the moment after yes along the lines Of be careful

Original poster

Sleepyquest · 30/05/2022 16:59

For all those concerned, I have spoken to the GP. My reactions are a bit off at the moment.

However, I personally don't think it's concerning when a mother of two small children has had a long, stressful day and just before her husband came home, that happened and it felt a bit overwhelming and disappointing. I didn't punish her!! I asked if it was worth telling her off because would she understand? The answer is no it seems.
Think it's unfair to comment and imply I'm horrible unless you really and truly have never felt frustration with a toddler. If it isn't normal to feel frustrated with toddlers sometimes, then yes I am truly messed up because I have felt frustration several times.

OP posts:

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