DS2 (7yo) punched a teacher in the face

[OnTheGoAlways]

I don't know what to do, and I wondered if someone had been through anything like this and come out the other side.

DS has had emotional/behavioural issues since about 3, he hit nursery staff even then. He has tourettes (we have been on the CAHMS waiting list for a very long time after badgering the GP for some help, he's been ticking for 4 years), and he has anxiety.

When he's at home, 90% of the time he is lovely, funny, well mannered, thoughtful, articulate. He bickers with DS1 (11) quite alot but DS1 is very starts things off after a day of being embarrassed by DS2 behaviour at school (DS1 in final year at primary and DS2 often runs at him and his friends). My life is just spent mediating.

I have been called into the school 3 times this week. Yesterday DS2 punched several teachers including one in the face. I am horrified and ashamed.I work FT and had to leave 2 important meetings to go to school. When I arrived yesterday DS2 was under a chair blanket fort, in a dark room, with the HT and a learning assistant. The school office had phoned and said I needed to get down right away as things were really bad. For the rest of the week DS2 is being taught alone in this room, and will have different break times.

How can I solve this and make things better? Where do I start? I WFH 1 day a week and he comes home for lunch then. Things are home are calm and predictable. I feel like I'm heading for a break down.

Firstly you need to speak to your GP and get him put through as an urgent referral.

Speak to the school SENCO and get the LEA involved. He has needs the school can't meet.

The punching is wrong no doubt about tjay as you have accepted but they key is what is causing the behaviour in the first place. The staff need to work backwards throughout the day to the build up to figure what was the trigger point. If you think of an iceberg the tip is what you can see but it’s the stuff underneath that does the real damage.

School need to be bringing in experts to observe and advise

Oh that sounds so stressful for the both of you, I am so sorry. I think you really need to get to the root of the behaviour. Does he show any signs of autism?
Are you with his father? Did he go through any trauma in his first three years?

Can you afford private therapy?

What does school suggest long term? What currently is happening isn't working, and he isn't coping, he needs assessment and support but the school are best placed to start this.

Does he have any special provisions at school? An ECHP? I'm guessing not as he doesn't have a diagnosis of anything yet?

Standard school staff aren't really equipped to deal with complex behavioural requirements, so as a safety measure for both him and the staff, he needs to have a proper care plan in place. School should be able to help speed up a referral. I'd be asking what their process is for children whose behavioural needs exceed what standard teaching staff can deal with and what the next step is.

He needs an EHCP and for that to be more straightforward to achieve and also for yourselves a diagnosis. If you are having to 'badger' your GP then the first step is a new GP - you suspect Tourettes and need a referral. You need an appointment with the school SENCO to discuss a way forward. Do some reading on Tourettes, reach out to the association/support groups - Talk to them about the school situation and how things might be improved for him. School need to be more proactive. You also need to be more proactive before school starts saying they can't meet his needs and you are looking for another school.

It makes me sad that they're calling you and putting all this on you making you wonder what you're going to do to solve this.

What are THEY doing to meet your little boy's needs?

You need to speak to the senco to put in place a plan. Your ds isn't managing in school and he obviously needs help. Does he have an ehcp? He doesn't need a diagnosis to have one. If not you need to ask for an assessment to be undertaken. This is normally done via the senco but if they won't you can request one yourself. Is he being formally excluded when you collect him? If he is that might help show how he isn't managing in the current situation. Finally, I am sorry. It's so stressful waiting for that phone call from the school and being that parent of that child.

You haven’t told us what the school’s take in this is.

It's better that they called you in rather than excluded him, which is very likely to happen if he attacks his teachers.

The next step will be exclusion. Tell your GP to get his finger out.

Thank you very much for your understanding replies.

I just had another school meeting this morning. So the actions from that are; social story, educational psychologist referral, living with anxiety referral, HT is speaking to CAHMS to see if we can Mark referral as urgent. I have a GP appointment in just over a week and I'm going to see if DS is happy to wear ear defenders as he does have stimulus/sensory concerns. Nothing has been diagnosed yet re Autism, but HT says there are some traits there (Nursery also said this years ago, but GPs haven't agreed as he can make eye contact).

We're in Scotland which means we can't ask for 121 referral, instead the.school is given funding for a set amount and they must go between different children. DS teacher said DS was much better when the class had an assistant FT.

I do parent alone, but I've worked very hard and put though my masters to ensure we have a nice home etc. We are stable and calm at home and I have been single for 5 years, I know I can't have a relationship as this would only cause more confusion. I think I have been shunned because of the stigma around single parents some what, each Time I have reached out for help.

Op I have nothing useful to add but I just wanted to tell you that you are doing a great job. Parenting is tough sometimes.

Good to see you have a plan moving forward

They were going to exclude him yesterday but habe instead decided to teach him.alone, isolated from the rest of the school. He wants to be at home, and the HT felt that exclusion would.almost be a reward. I do agree. He was quite shocked and subdued when he walked into the room this morning.

Also hes not allowed at ASC.

I really can't afford to cut my hours, but instead jumping back into work I've gone to.walk the dog in the woods, I feel completely dazed.

Hi

Firstly, don't panic. When you're going through hell, keep going.

Tourette syndrome is more than just tics (my son has TS too). You will find when a person has one neurodiverse condition they have a higher chance of having a co-morbid second neurodiverse diagnosis (ADHD/ADD/DCC/ASD etc).

Anxiety is also very common with children and adults with a neurological condition. It's exhausting trying to hold those tics in, let them out, not feel you're weird or let others feel you're weird, concentrate on teacher but also not ticcing!

Have you ever used the Tourette's action website for advice or guidance for yourself, son or his school staff?

CAMHS in my area do not diagnose or treat TS because they say they are a mental health organisation and TS is a neurological condition. Some areas will have a person in CAMHS who has an interest or specialism in TS so you might be lucky. It's the wait though isn't it, we went private for therapy from a clinician, we got the details from Tourette's action who hold a list of professionals of many kinds who work with people with TS.

Tourette's action will also provide information for schools to support children with the condition, and how it is also a condition which effects emotions and behaviour.

My son reached crisis in school in year 2. He's year 5 now and diagnosed TS, developmental co-ordination disorder, and with and ASD. Unfortunately we have spent possibly £7k with private professionals to get where he is now, happy and supported.

All I can to you is be honest with the school about what you want (to remain in their provision or a move-very difficult to get into a specialist Sen school without an EHCP and also if academically able it's not right for them usually anyway).

Does school access local authority funding? You need him seen by an educational psychologist, school will refer him or sometimes they will ask you to request one from the local authority. Depends on how much they actually want to help and pay for.

An educational psychologist will do observations and also 1-1 with a child to gain a picture of their needs in all areas and recommend provisions from professionals (CAMHS, OT, Paed, school) as well as what family can do.

If no one will refer please consider if you can afford to get an assessment done privately. No one should have to do this I fully accept that but as a realist I know mum and dad are a child's best advocate and it falls down to us.

Your boy is struggling, school is struggling, you are struggling. No one is bad. People CAN help but WILL they? Not without insistence.

Local authority higher needs funding can be accessed without diagnosis, the school can request money for more TA time (1/1 or group activities) to help a child.

I'm sorry I'm really waffling it's just I know how it is to be called into school and be faced with the massive crisis and no one really guiding you through what can be done.

I just hope you know this is happening to lots of kids and it will get better

Sounds like lots of the right things happening. Well done OP, it's incredibly hard and parenting on your own makes it 100 times worse.

Even with an "urgent" referral, diagnosis can take 2 years. We're 6 months in and have been prepared for a further 18 months minimum. So getting the ball rolling on an EHCP now would be advisable. Work with the school if possible but if they drag your heels you can approach your council yourself and apply as a parent.

If you want a template I have a great link somewhere. Could dig it out. let me know.

There is an excellent facebook group called not fine in school with a wealth of information

And yes, there is a stigma against single parents but one excellent mother is better than a mother in a relationship with someone when as you say, you need to focus on your child now

This is highly unusual behaviour op.
Book some leave immediately and prioritise getting your son all the help he needs.

What were his reasons for hitting the teachers when you asked him?
Does he know why he is losing control?

Has hit you at home?

There has to be more to this, he is only seven years old, and whatever it is - there will be solutions op. Try not to panic, but call the GP and bring the appointment forward to tomorrow, and tell them it is absolutely urgent.

Oh Op. That sounds so hard.

I'm in Scotland and have a daughter with vocal tics/TS and my son's friend has it too, and sounds very like your son.

Have you contacted Tourette's Scotland? They have local support meetings for parents and families, and can give you resources to share with the school.

What I can say worked for DD was taking CBD oil every day; her issues were purely vocal tics (although coprolalia so very difficult to manage in school!) and it really helped her. I can DM you some info if you like, as it took us a while to figure out the dosage etc.

The only other thing I'd say is, please don't be mortified or ashamed. He is just a wee boy who's struggling, and the school need to step up more, by the sounds of it. Kids with disorders like TS are struggling post-lockdown and it's so common now, whereas in previous years it would have been rare. My HT said to me that my daughter was her first ever pupil with TS so it was quite a learning curve for us all.

We had a series of zoom calls with the CAHMS educational psychologist and she was really very helpful. We didn't wait long but I guess it's very region-dependent.

The Scottish equivalent of an EHCP is a CSP. Have you spoken to Enquire?

THIS ^^ with bells on.

Move schools. Find a school who actually knows how to deal with your child's specific needs. A kinder school. That's what my child asked for. I found one. He's a different child now. I just wish I hadn't messed about with that school for 3+ years feeling like a failing parent.

In the meantime, make sure you take someone to meetings with you. Ideally someone from Sendilass (or similar service from your council) - basically someone to make sure you are asking the right questions and that the school are doing the right things.

Has he recently been ill? Maybe covid?
Or did he have a lot of bacterial infections when the tics started?
Could be pans/pandas?
Or aasd or adhd sysmptoms?
Friendships?
Is he sitting still in class or talking too much?
How is he in out of school activities have you had to stop any or do they tell you about behaviour?

I'm glad there are some actions by school and those actions aren't exclusion.

In regards to CAMHS - Every time an incident like this happens, phone them and ask to speak to duty, ask the GP to do a supplementary referral. Their awareness of things like this is what affects their waitlist ordering.

Thank you so much, such helpful ideas, will definitely look into these today.

I phoned the GP this morning and got appointment on June 6. I could phone again and ask for it to be pulled forward. I didn't realise you could ask for a supplementary referral...I phoned the GP a couple months ago because DS ticks were causing his mouth to bleed, GPdidnt mention referral again. I was under the Impression that CAHMS hold all the cards.

I really feel I need some time off to handle this and of course DS can't go to wraparound care, but I've only been in this post for 2 months. I can't focus at all, I feel completely overwhelmed. I should have pressed for an urgent appointment at GP. I need to look more into ASD.

My child has ear defenders that fit in the ear, as she feels too self-conscious to wear the big ones (kids can be cruel). They seem to be really helping in the noisy classroom. The ones we bought are called Calmer Kids by a company called Flare.

As I mentioned my son doesn't access CAMHS for his TS, he sees a paediatric neurologist. He was referred to him via a hospital paediatrician, and we were referred to them via GP.

My son takes topiramate for his TS (it's very bad, he couldn't feed himself or walk forwards, speak well) but even before he went on medication neurologist was a fantastic advocate for him being seen by CAMHS and OT for help for anxiety and understanding emotions as these difficulties makes TS worse.

Speak to your GP about accessing support for your sons Tourette syndrome via neurology instead. There are very few paediatric neurologists about, my son's is in a neighbouring city hospital. It's not unusual to be referred out of area to access this specialism.