DS2 (7yo) punched a teacher in the face

[OnTheGoAlways]

I don't know what to do, and I wondered if someone had been through anything like this and come out the other side.

DS has had emotional/behavioural issues since about 3, he hit nursery staff even then. He has tourettes (we have been on the CAHMS waiting list for a very long time after badgering the GP for some help, he's been ticking for 4 years), and he has anxiety.

When he's at home, 90% of the time he is lovely, funny, well mannered, thoughtful, articulate. He bickers with DS1 (11) quite alot but DS1 is very starts things off after a day of being embarrassed by DS2 behaviour at school (DS1 in final year at primary and DS2 often runs at him and his friends). My life is just spent mediating.

I have been called into the school 3 times this week. Yesterday DS2 punched several teachers including one in the face. I am horrified and ashamed.I work FT and had to leave 2 important meetings to go to school. When I arrived yesterday DS2 was under a chair blanket fort, in a dark room, with the HT and a learning assistant. The school office had phoned and said I needed to get down right away as things were really bad. For the rest of the week DS2 is being taught alone in this room, and will have different break times.

How can I solve this and make things better? Where do I start? I WFH 1 day a week and he comes home for lunch then. Things are home are calm and predictable. I feel like I'm heading for a break down.

Is it just him being a "bad child" if the majority of his issues arise when he is in a setting he can't control? Ex thinks DS is only having issue because of school, hence him stopping referrals (fucking idiot). this all seems so far from normal behaviour to me, and clearly the school, nursery, ASC. DS1 has never had such issues.

Is it unreasonable that I ask for emergency GP appointment tomorrow? I know its not life and Death, I could see if there were any cancellations really. DS has not participated in classroom for weeks now.

To be fair, why was another child allowed to pour glitter on his painting and what was the consequence for that child, is what I'd be thinking.

Imagine that you're doing your best painting and someone pours glitter on it - you would be angry! Your DS isn't expressing that well but it isn't a 'no trigger' situation.

OP call Enquire. They are Scotland’s advice and support team for kids with ASN and they are bloody brilliant at helping you understand and advocate for your DC’s rights.

Wishing you all the very best. You sound like a fantastic mum.

enquire.org.uk/

To be fair, why was another child allowed to pour glitter on his painting

They wouldn't have been 'allowed' to. But oddly enough, there isn't an adult stading next to ever pupil in the class ready to grab their hand if they do something unexpected.

I dare say there wasn't much time to deal with glitter pour child at the time, what with their teacher getting punched in the face at that point.

Nobody was being punched at that point, DS was painting, as I said.

The other child shouldn't be ruining other people's pictures, DS shouldn't hit as retaliation.

Enquire looks great, going to call tomorrow. Thank you

I meant at the point when someone found out what the other child had done and was about to deal with them, because yes, no child should spoil anothers painting. But the pp seemed to be focussing on how that child was punished. And at that time it DS would have taken up the adults' time.

I'm sure that child would have been spoken to eventually.

@saraclara thank you for your replies..I am a mainstream teacher who has been hit kicked and scratched by a child this year. I have spent hours upskilling and have adapted my room and timetable however sometimes the red mist is activated as he may not for eg climb on my desk and jump off.
Comments like why did the other child pour glitter do not help. These are the situations that happen in a mainstream room with 7 year olds.
The school gave him a safe space after his meltdown but also have a duty of care to staff.
Op you need to sort it out with his dad. Failure to access services for his child is a mandated reason to report him. It is not fair on you, your child or his classmates at this moment.

"Comments like why did the other child pour glitter do not help. These are the situations that happen in a mainstream room with 7 year olds."

I think it's really important that they understand the triggers and reduce them. He should have been having much more supervision due to the previous incident, then that would have had a knock on effect of preventing the glitter pouring due to the nearby supervision.

And that would happen consitently in a specialist school or unit. But in a classroom with 30 children, and maybe two adults who have to teach them as well as monitor behaviour, it's impossible to achieve all the time. There simply isn't the funding for the number of staff needed,

I understand what you are saying but in My experience not all triggers are identifiable and consistent . If a child needs that level of constant supervision that he cannot interact In a normal manner with his peers the classroom is not a suitable environment for him at present

From an autism perspective I would recommend trying a weighted vest, weighted blanket and a cushion like a disc'o'sit. Also a dark den.

Ask if he can have them at school.

But in a classroom with 30 children, and maybe two adults who have to teach them as well as monitor behaviour, it's impossible to achieve all the time.

Quite likely that for a 7 year old there is only one adult in the room. I teach 7 - 8 year olds (Year 3) and it is very unusual for me to have an additional adult in my class. Budgets are just too tight at the moment.

But by only focusing on the behaviour not the build up to it then changes can never be made because it will always be reactive responses rather than proactive.

you may not always be able to avoid things but by knowing the triggers the staff can look out for them and they can work with him to give him better coping strategies for when things happen.

Agree. Completing something like an ABC chart (Action, Behaviour, Consequence) for a few days might be helpful. I note, for example, that the OP feels hunger may be a trigger. Incorporating some kind of morning snack would certainly be a reasonable adjustment.

@OnTheGoAlways I haven’t got anything useful to add but I really fell for you. Dd has asd and at times I remember feeling like the whole world was against us and that no one was listening to my cries for help.

You sound like a really great mum.

Other children are unpredictable. A child may well take a pen, not put scissors back, nudge another child, pour glitter etc, etc. A teacher will then intervene and tell the other child why that is not OK. However, they cannot always be by the OP's child to prevent any of these things from happening. The OP's son needs much more supervision and support.

My son started with a tics diognosis then later autism and ADHD. Poor little thing isn't coping in school is he, he needs more support and understanding.

You are doing a lot for DC. I wonder what are you doing for you? Your posts are very flustered and the sense of panic / overwhelmed feeling is palpable. Do you need support from the GP as well? You have a lot on OP make sure you look after your own MH as well.

He does need more support...and one day this little boy will be a pre-teen, a teenager, a young man...what will happen then? I can't imagine, I can't wrap my head around it. This sounds so horrible selfish, but at the moment it feels like we might be handed a life sentence.

I'm going to have to cut my work hours, I don't know how I'll cope financially.

Yes I'm full of panic and stress...I saw the GP a month or so ago for a blood test as I keep feeling dizzy and my face is flushed all the time. I try very hard to put on a brave face so I'm not so heavy around friends/colleagues. It's just sitting in me.

It’s likely your son’s lashing out is a result of huge levels of anxiety which are beyond his control. It’s great that the school are keen to refer him but they also need to implement strategies immediately to alleviate his anxiety and allow him to function better in the classroom. Social stories are a good start. I would insist the school always have a visual timetable available for him to see or refer to. A ‘now and next’ card can also be helpful to either break tasks down into manageable chunks, (e.g. Now - write the date. Next - underline it. Or Now - go to assembly. Next - maths) as a sensory overload could be causing a meltdown. It sounds like he needs a safe space to retreat to when things get tough. The school may be willing to provide a tent or even a small table he can sit under when he feels himself getting overwhelmed. Weighed blankets can be helpful for grounding children who feel anxious and the school SENCO could use her budget to buy one as they can be expensive. Non-verbal cue cards may work for him in communicating his wants, needs or feelings, e.g. traffic light cards which he leaves on his desk to show his teacher how he’s feeling so they can catch him before he becomes overwhelmed and offer a brain break. Sometimes a 5 or 10 minute egg timer on his desk or in his workspace can help focus him and assist him in concentrating on his activity. You can buy large child friendly ones which they can turn over independently to start the timer. This may not be relevant but a child in my class developed tics which were initially thought to be Tourette’s. It transpired she had PANDAS which I think is caused by some sort of infection or virus.

If you aren’t already in receipt of DLA or the Scottish Child Disability Payment you should apply for Child Disability Payments.

Have you had social care assessments?

I know it's hard, but don't jump that far into the future. My 2 were diagnosed as preschoolers (1 is now 16, the other 9) and I could not have predicted the peaks and troughs.

The priority is getting the referrals done which I know his dad is being difficult about. If the HT called his dad in for a meeting, would he go?

You could be entitled to claim Child Disability Payment for him. It may not feel his care needs are greater than his peers at home, but that may be because you've accommodated his needs and maybe don't attempt things that are typical for his age group

This is why a diagnosis and support is so important. Visual timetables are amazing but it was recommended to me not to use them with a child with pda autism as a visual timetable creates a demand as another thing they have to do and increases anxiety and meltdowns.
I have used timers with brilliant results and I find a kitchen timer the best as I can change the timer to any amount of time depending on the needs at that particular time.
Reframing language is so important.. avoid the word no and give choices that are within your boundaries.but allows the child to feel.in control.

@switswoo81 you’re right about the visual timetable and PDA, a child I once taught hated them. I’m not sure if PDA (pathological demand avoidance) is on your radar OP, but it’s a profile of autism which can cause outbursts similar to what you describe. The child I taught spent so much time masking his behaviour from others that when he had a meltdown, they were always enormous and sometimes violent, e.g. throwing things across the classroom. The only way to get him to do things was to convince him that everything was his idea. Tiny, minute differences in the classroom really affected him, for example if there was leftover rubbings from someone rubbing out their pencil work were left on the desk, he’d find it extremely stressful. He also found the ‘busyness’ of the walls of a primary school classroom extremely exhausting. Brightly coloured displays with lots of things stuck on at jaunty angles were very overwhelming for him.