DS2 (7yo) punched a teacher in the face

[OnTheGoAlways]

I don't know what to do, and I wondered if someone had been through anything like this and come out the other side.

DS has had emotional/behavioural issues since about 3, he hit nursery staff even then. He has tourettes (we have been on the CAHMS waiting list for a very long time after badgering the GP for some help, he's been ticking for 4 years), and he has anxiety.

When he's at home, 90% of the time he is lovely, funny, well mannered, thoughtful, articulate. He bickers with DS1 (11) quite alot but DS1 is very starts things off after a day of being embarrassed by DS2 behaviour at school (DS1 in final year at primary and DS2 often runs at him and his friends). My life is just spent mediating.

I have been called into the school 3 times this week. Yesterday DS2 punched several teachers including one in the face. I am horrified and ashamed.I work FT and had to leave 2 important meetings to go to school. When I arrived yesterday DS2 was under a chair blanket fort, in a dark room, with the HT and a learning assistant. The school office had phoned and said I needed to get down right away as things were really bad. For the rest of the week DS2 is being taught alone in this room, and will have different break times.

How can I solve this and make things better? Where do I start? I WFH 1 day a week and he comes home for lunch then. Things are home are calm and predictable. I feel like I'm heading for a break down.

actually I strongly disagree a formal exclusion is actual evidence that the OP’s child is not coping in school and the school are not meeting his needs. Informal exclusions and getting the OP to pick him up leaves no real paper trail of the issues.

the OP needs to put the school under pressure to act and put proper support in place. It’s not sustainable for the OP to be on hand to come into school every time there is a problem.

Thank you very much. I will phone GP again and ask for neuro referal.I read the NHS info on TS, but partly due to putting my head in the sand and partly because nobody seemed to think DS needed help I just felt like a neurotic Mother every time I called.

GP can't diagnosis or not ASD can they either ? I didn't realise TS can impact emotions too, and I thought it was a MH condition. I have failed here.

What does your son say about his behaviour? Does he have any explanation for why he’s punching his teachers?

GP can't diagnose ASD, it's a multi agency assessment process (CAMHS, paediatrics, speech and language, OT sometimes).

You haven't failed anyone. Please see Tourette's action (or the Scottish one as well).

Join face book groups for TS, local ones for families facing neurodisability differences (asd, dyspraxia, TS or anything)

We can't know what to do unless we get advice and that's what you are doing! The school is doing the correct referrals, you are doing the same.

Love your boy and yourself. It's not easily being different, but it's not a struggle you need not experience alone.
Tell your wee boy it's good to ask for help. He will be afraid and confused as much as us parents get and it's awful when they get anxiety from guilt, worry and hopelessness.

It really annoys me that medical professionals still think eye contact is the clearest indicator of ASD. My DS was excluded aged 7 (several fixed term, then a permanent) while on the CAMHS waiting list. I kept on at them every time, and our 2-year waiting list turned into 5 months. He now (aged 11) has a diagnosis and higher funding EHCP.
Also, resist permanent exclusion with everything you've got. Schools can do a "managed move" which is much less traumatic.
It's tough, but you can do it. Hang in there!

My son says he gets a "red mist", sometimes he doesn't remember (although I can differentiate between him saying that as an excuse), sometimes he'll say he felt hungry, that seems to be a big one rn, he'll also say he doesn't want to feel safe, that no one likes him or cares. Essentially he's 7 trying to explain complex behaviours that he can't. Although, he more often than not, once the mist has cleared, Will apologise on his own accord, he can recognise what he's done is wrong.

When I went rushing in yesterday, he was laying under this blanket fort, on the floor, red-faced, red eyes, scared.

Oh OP, it's awful when it all goes wrong like this. My DS10 has ASD, ADHD and Epilepsy, so school has always been tricky. I'm also in Scotland and have had a great experience generally with neurology, CAMHS and school. I know it's region dependent, but make a nuisance of yourself until CAMHS see you.

Your GP is ridiculous if they won't refer you because of eye-contact! Misinformation like this gets me so angry: GPs are professionals that need only look fleetingly at information to know that many people with ASD can hold excellent eye-contact and communicate excellently : my DS being one of these. Each person is an individual they're not a series of tick box traits!

See GP now!

School are FAILING him. Start there.

I worked in a school for children with ASD and behavioural problems. All of them had been permanently excluded from at least 1 school. It was extremely rare that more than one teacher got punched because generally if a child is so distressed they are punching people we left them the hell alone. My point is were the teachers attempting to physically restrain him? Or interfering in his attempts to calm himself (like going under a table) How did it end up with several teachers being hit? Sounds like there management might not be very affective.

OP have a look at this, it'll help you with different parenting tchniques when ordinary ones don't work.
livesinthebalance.org/

Great book too drrossgreene.com/the-explosive-child.htm

quick look at autism
the-art-of-autism.com/understanding-the-spectrum-a-comic-strip-explanation/

DS was restrained yesterday and Tuesday. Today, where he is learning is isolation with 2 learning Assisitants, the HT said he has 2 with him because she had to listen to her staff and they were not safe around him this week.

@OnTheGoAlways you have not failed in any sense of the word. What I've read from the situation is that you are an amazing mum who is trying your best to get to the bottom of what's happening and to do what's best for your little one. I cannot imagine the stress you are going through right now - without any help. Parenting is hard as a default, but parenting a child with additional needs all by yourself whilst working full time?! Superhero.

Please be kind to yourself and realise that it's not down to you to diagnose your little one and to 'just know' what he needs. It is definitely up to the school to support you with this. As well as GPs and any other outside help you can get to. As soon as you have a picture of what's going on, you will have a plan and strategies to help.

As a teacher, I'm feeling a bit like the school are putting this on you and your son. Of course hitting is not okay but someone down the line has failed to pick up the needs that your DS has and it doesn't feel like he has been supported properly. Schools are meant to be inclusive, which means differentiating to the needs of every child and making everyone feel welcome no matter what their background and needs. Not hiding them in a room when things get tough. Yes I get that there will be some safeguarding issues at play but it is my belief that earlier intervention could have prevented this.

School is really tricky for children who potentially have SEND. One of the hardest things can be having constant demands put on you. Sit nicely, pick up your book, hold your pencil like this, write this by this time. It is literally constant and for a child who is neurodivergent - this is so overwhelming and can cause outbursts. In school, I would start with drastically reducing the demands that I put on your DS. Simple tasks broken down one at a time. This is a drop in the ocean of the help he can and should receive but I do think your school needs to do better.

Sending huge mumma bear hugs. It will get easier. 💕

SNChat and SNChildren boards have a lot of helpful advice.

Eye contact is a rubbish reason not to disgnose.

SN boards here are good. It may be worth looking at the Explosive Child/Ross Greene approach.

Where’s dad? What’s his input to this issue with his child?

My GS was like this at school OP, he's only 4, started reception last September and could barely make it through the morning without the school phoning my DD to collect him for disruptive/aggressive behaviour. Most days she wouldn't even bother going home, she'd just sit out in the car waiting for the inevitable phone call. His record was 10 minutes

He's on the pathway to be assessed for autism, though with waiting lists the way they are a diagnosis will probably be a long way off.

He started in mainstream but they just couldn't cope with him, he was excluded a couple of times (which strengthened his case for an EHCP) The SENCO was brilliant in getting all the info together for an EHCP - he seen an educational psychologist at school and his HV was involved too. All agreed he needed specialist provision.

A few months ago he moved into a specialised setting and the difference is unbelievable, honestly, it makes me emotional just thinking about how well they/he is doing - he's so much happier in himself.

I'm not sure if it's the same in Scotland but the EHCP is the way to go - you don't need a diagnosis, he just has to have extra needs which warrants it.

I hope you can get some help; the last year has been a nightmare for my DD but luckily for her the school were really supportive and proactive in getting him support. It's a whole new world to our family so their guidance was invaluable, even to just understand the lingo 🙈

If you're not already I'd put a claim in for PIP too, again you don't need a diagnosis - my GS gets the care component without a diagnosis.

Ahh what a lovely post @GoodnightRain - we need more teachers like you!

I spent an entire career working with children like this, in specialist schools. What I learned very quickly NOT to do, was to judge mainstream teachers for not being able to do for the children, what we could do.

We had the staffing, the space, the expertise and the experience to be able to handle the children we taught. A mainstream teacher might have one other adult in the class, and 30 other children. I had a minimum of three, sometimes four assistants and a maximum of eight children in the class. And a safe space for stressed pupils.

I think this school is actually doing okay. Building the boy a blanket fort was an excellent idea. A safe space where he could hide and calm himself. That's a pretty faultless and empathetic response to a highly stressed child. And they are responding quickly and in a multi agency way to get him the help he needs.

Frankly, NO mainstream school is set up to succeed with this type of child. With the best will in the world, they just can't. They don't have the facilities, the space, the staff, the funding. So those criticising then for failing your son, should have a bit of empathy for them, as well as for OP and the poor kid.

I hope the teacher is okay. And OP, I am so sorry that you are going through this. I know how incredibly hard it is. I really do hope that you and your son get the help you need..

Thank you so much for all your replies, I have read them many times.

DS had 2 days essentially in isolation, but back in the classroom today which went okay in the morning, but spent the rest of the day out of class, running about and spending time 121 with various teachers. He went to ASC but I got a call asking me to collect early as he had hit another child and broken a door handle after his painting was ruined.

DS Dad has also not given consent for the various referrals, meaning HT hasn't sent them whilst looking into whether referrals can go ahead without a parents consent...although of course they have mine. I'm going to call the school tomorrow and try and argue that we should press ahead without exs approval as its in DS best interests...I can't believe I just had to write that. Ex doesn't think there is anything wrong with DS, that he's totally fine with him. Frustrated doesn't quite cover how I feel.

That attitude isn’t going to help tbh. The op has already said that they also have issues at home where presumably there aren’t another 29 other children acting as possible triggers, where there is a better ration of adult supervision and a greater control of other possible environmental triggers such as noise, hunger etc. The school and OP need to be working together to support the child not playing each other off in a blame game.

That must be beyond frustrating, OP. I hope that the headteacher gets the green light to send the referrals anyway. The best of luck to you, and for him.

What on earth can the school do after a child had punched several teachers?? This is not to the OP but to those saying the school should step up. The school could have excluded the OP's son but haven't. It may well not be the right place but schools are not responsible for poor mental health or even health provision. Tourettes is a neuro condition. The NHS need to step up to help this child. I have two children with asd. Both have been let down by services but that does not mean that school is at fault.

Viques is spot on. Mainstream schools are busy places. There are often thirty kids with one teacher and if they are lucky one ta. Many only have tags for specific kids or TAs for the am only. They do not have safe spaces where kids can be left alone. They also have a class who need to be getting on with a literacy lesson or whatever. The OPS son needs a specialist approach and a different management plan. My dd was on mainstream being educated in the corridor because she couldn't be managed in class. She is now in an independent specialist school. She is much happier and there are virtually no issues. I don't blame the teachers in her mainstream school. It wasn't the right provision. However. OP you will need to be the person who finds the right provision and fights for it. Unfair but this was the reality for me.

He doesn't have any where near the issues at home as he does at school. He has hit me a few times, but its very few and far between, things at home are pretty relaxed other than bickering between him and DS1. DS1 has really listened though and is being much kinder recently. But I have seen glimpses of the behaviour, DS2 struggles if he's unable to do a game, or wants to go/stay somewhere, he does shout and will throw things.

It seems to be when there is any expectation upon him, it could be time or task or direction...or it could be if someone disturbs him...today for example he hit the other child several times because they poured glitter on his painting...and I can see in my mind how thay would have gone.

We definitely need professional help...as an aside, I'm worried I'm going to get pulled up at work about this too. I should have been at work until 5.

I'm in Scotland and we have had a lot of help from the local SLTs. Can you ask for a referral? Admittedly I did cry on the phone, but DS can be quite extreme and there was a MAPP in place for him to cover transition from nursery. He's now got SLT going in to help with social communication. There should be OT provision as well.

DS also had a disability social worker (since discharged......) but that's another avenue to look at. They really all did get a lot done working together.