Can I move our children away?

[CrazyCatLady00]

My kids dad keeps threatening court action as I’m moving our DC 2.5hrs away. He says he can stop me?

im moving to be near family so I will have that support and be able to give our DC a better life. I’ve always said that I’d never stop him seeing them but he is saying that I will break his bond with the DC, even though I’ve said he can have them all school holidays.

He works over 24/7 so weekends are not always an option.

Yes exactly, I worked P/T during school hours until 2 years ago but when I worked I took annual leave & shared childcare with friends. I have a feeling that despite the move for more support she has no intention of getting job

Well, I've said what everyone I talk to at the gate does - and family or paid childcare feature heavily (except for the one with a special needs child, who can't go into paid childcare, so she trades off with other mums and her partner) - which is what OP is attempting to do.

yes the children's right to a relationship with their father is a really shit reason.

And not entirely the responsibility of the mother. He has plenty of options to step up here, that don't involve leaving it entirely to the mother of his children to suck up the consequences of his choice to not want any change.

OP, if your ex currently doesn't have the children overnight and has an irregular pattern of when he sees them, he may well decide to reduce the maintenance he pays if he goes to having them full-time with him for the holidays.

I think you probably need to think through how he'll see the children a bit more. The holidays plan isn't going to work realistically. You'd really never see your children over Christmas again? Or ever see them when you're not in the weekly grind of school, appointments, etc.? And if your children settle well in your new area, they won't want to disappear for 2-6 weeks at a time, away from all their friends, activities, hobbies, etc. will they? Is your ex going to shell out for a second set of 'holiday' things at his house (bike, consoles, etc.), or are you going to transport all that to his house at the start and end of holidays?

Would be more realistic if you tried to agree that, as soon as he knows his shift patterns, etc. you agree which weekends you'll drop them off (if you're lucky he might agree to meet you halfway to save you a 5-hour trip twice in a weekend), and perhaps if he has a week's leave while they're in school, he could get an airbnb for the night and come and see them nearer you?

He could apply for a court order to stop you moving them, so there's probably some value in trying to find a solution that works for you both.

And 100% at the ops expense whilst dad gets to swan off and decide if and when he sees his children?
Nope sorry both parents are responsible for 50% of the parenting, in this instance he does almost fuck all yet expects op to suck it all up and keep his children on tap for whenever he decides he can fit them in. Fuck that.
Your on a different planet if you think this is ok.

@Hollygolightly86 ”I have read your posts and you can work part time whilst your children are school just like thousands of women do, you won’t have any childcare costs?? You are choosing not to work definitely not a case that you can’t!

you are so wrong! I would love nothing more then to go back to the career I had pre children, but unfortunately it’s not possible due to working over 24/7. This is the reason I am moving near family, so they can support me with childcare as I would only be working for NMW and unfortunately doesn’t cover childcare costs. And as previously mentioned, my ex constantly dangles the maintenance string and he knows full well that he is my main source of income, so if he stops paying, we are fucked!

Ok so you’re planning to return to work after you move when you have the support & help with childcare. Just say that. Tbf having your ex as your primary source if income is pretty irresponsible as if he lost his job or changed career how would you support your kids?

I think you've got me wrong. The children are entitled to a relationship with their dad - note I'm not saying hes entitled.

That's what I meant about no focus on the children's needs..

I didn’t expect this thread to have blown up like this. I only asked if he could stop me.

I wish I had done a great big long post as my op explaining everything rather then drip feeding in comments.

TYSM to those who have supported me, and to those of you who think I’m being selfish, very easy for you to say when you have a partner and a support network on your doorstep. Let’s hope you never find yourself in my situation eh!!

You must have realised you wouldn't get unilateral support doing something this controversial?!

I lost the tiny bit of sympathy that I had to her situation once I learned that she doesn’t want to work but happy for ex & tax payer to support her & children. Disgraceful

Totally agree @purpleboy

Your reading comprehension skills need work.

@Hollygolightly86 “doesn’t want to work” bless ya, I didn’t realise you couldn’t read and I didn’t ask for your sympathy 🤷🏻‍♀️

I get her ‘situation’ entirely.

@PeterpiperpickedapeckofpickledPEPPAS

crossed posts…I said exactly the same thing 🤣

@Tinyleopard ”controversial” 😂

You could find work if you wanted to, there absolutely no reason except laziness. You’re not disabled or a full time carer you can’t be bothered as its easier to claim off the state & your ex.

@Hollygolightly86 did you miss the bit where OP states she is a full time cared for her disabled child then?

@Hollygolightly86 did you miss the bit where OP states she is a full time cared for her disabled child then?

She says both her children go to school did you not read that post?

@Hollygolightly86 ans did you not read the part where it will cost me more to work due to paying out in childcare fees during holidays etc. banging my head against a brick wall with you.

go and troll someone else

She's worked up about your 'tax-payer funded' carers allowance 😉

Why is that funny?

In all honesty would you be happy seeing your children only in school holidays?

For most of us that's unthinkable, hence why making that decision is controversial. It's really not funny.