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Original poster

Can I move our children away?

327 replies

CrazyCatLady00 · 09/05/2022 17:06

My kids dad keeps threatening court action as I’m moving our DC 2.5hrs away. He says he can stop me?

im moving to be near family so I will have that support and be able to give our DC a better life. I’ve always said that I’d never stop him seeing them but he is saying that I will break his bond with the DC, even though I’ve said he can have them all school holidays.

He works over 24/7 so weekends are not always an option.

OP posts:
Tinyleopard · 11/05/2022 10:35

EarringsandLipstick · 11/05/2022 10:34

Of course she does?

You think it's free to send a child to school? I'm not talking school fees.

And with a SEN child perhaps there are additional costs not covered within the NHS.

Or perhaps things like private orthodontic treatment when older?

Show quote history

That's what maintenance is for!

Tinyleopard · 11/05/2022 10:37

You can argue the toss about CMS being shit and in some ways I agree, however it's irrelevant because that is the current system and he's paying what's required of him. You thinking that's not enough really doesn't matter because he is paying what he should be.

He shouldn't have to pay op to stay, which is essentially what's being suggested.

Hollygolightly86 · 11/05/2022 10:37

Have I missed it somewhere, how old are children?

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

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EarringsandLipstick · 11/05/2022 10:38

You actually think a parent shouldn't be able to live because the other parent doesn't work

You keep twisting everything.

He can live VERY well on a pilot's salary, less the maintenance amount.

OP isn't working because she can't manage it due to childcare. If her ex was available to share childcare or pay more towards it, then she might.

Do you not feel awful being an apologist for shit male behaviour?

EarringsandLipstick · 11/05/2022 10:40

Tinyleopard · 11/05/2022 10:37

You can argue the toss about CMS being shit and in some ways I agree, however it's irrelevant because that is the current system and he's paying what's required of him. You thinking that's not enough really doesn't matter because he is paying what he should be.

He shouldn't have to pay op to stay, which is essentially what's being suggested.

It's not irrelevant.

A good responsible parent should want to do the best for their DC and put them first.

They shouldn't need to be instructed by the state, to give a minimum.

He can afford more.

ChocolateHippo · 11/05/2022 10:40

How much he pays has got nothing to do with access, the 2 are completely separate issues so I don’t understand why his payments are even being discussed

Access isn't an issue here. The OP has made it clear that he can see the children whenever he wants. It's just easier for him to see them if they're living close by.

His payments are being discussed because, if he funded a fair proportion of childcare costs and respite care, the OP might be able to work and take steps to reduce her social and financial isolation. And that might mean that she doesn't need to move closer to her family and support network to have an acceptable quality of life.

EarringsandLipstick · 11/05/2022 10:40

ChocolateHippo · 11/05/2022 10:40

How much he pays has got nothing to do with access, the 2 are completely separate issues so I don’t understand why his payments are even being discussed

Access isn't an issue here. The OP has made it clear that he can see the children whenever he wants. It's just easier for him to see them if they're living close by.

His payments are being discussed because, if he funded a fair proportion of childcare costs and respite care, the OP might be able to work and take steps to reduce her social and financial isolation. And that might mean that she doesn't need to move closer to her family and support network to have an acceptable quality of life.

👏👏👏👏

All of this

EarringsandLipstick · 11/05/2022 10:41

Sorry the quote function on the app is messed up again

I was 👏👏👏 & endorsing everything @ChocolateHippo said in their last post

vivainsomnia · 11/05/2022 10:42

I thought your kids were babies. I'm amazed that at 11 and 13, they don't have any friends and are happy to start all over again.

You say on one post that he would have them all holidays but then say you'd need to pay for childcare if you worked.

The reality is that of course he won't have them all holidays, if he can't get all weekends, he won't get all holidays.

Add to that that the kids will want to do things with their friends more and more, especially trying to fit in as they make new friends, they might not be keen to go away all holidays when their friends are arranging get togethers.

You don't work and they are at school, so you get all that time for yourself and yet you feel you need more support?

Are for maintenance, he pays a lot, more than the children cost in all likelihood, so why should he pay even more.

I am starting to wonder if it's more about a boyfriend than family.

Hollygolightly86 · 11/05/2022 10:42

ChocolateHippo · 11/05/2022 10:40

How much he pays has got nothing to do with access, the 2 are completely separate issues so I don’t understand why his payments are even being discussed

Access isn't an issue here. The OP has made it clear that he can see the children whenever he wants. It's just easier for him to see them if they're living close by.

His payments are being discussed because, if he funded a fair proportion of childcare costs and respite care, the OP might be able to work and take steps to reduce her social and financial isolation. And that might mean that she doesn't need to move closer to her family and support network to have an acceptable quality of life.

That’s why I was asking how old the children are because I couldn’t understand why she wasn’t working if kids are at school

Tinyleopard · 11/05/2022 10:43

@EarringsandLipstick have you access to his salary and outgoings? None of us know what he can afford.

ChocolateHippo · 11/05/2022 10:44

That’s why I was asking how old the children are because I couldn’t understand why she wasn’t working if kids are at school

If you RTWT, the OP is a carer for her 13yo who can't be left unattended.

SunThroughTheCloudsAt6am · 11/05/2022 10:44

So it's all on him to do whatever, pay whatever to stop op taking his children away. I see. No compromise from her, all from him. Why is that?

I mean, she's already severely compromised her life in order to allow him to continue his almost entirely unencumbered... how about he takes them 50/50 and then she won't feel she needs the extra support so much? How about he makes that compromise and supports her so she doesn't have to go elsewhere for it?

Tinyleopard · 11/05/2022 10:45

Just like none of us know what ops children cost. I'd be surprised if it's £1500 a month (ex's and ops contribution)

Tinyleopard · 11/05/2022 10:46

SunThroughTheCloudsAt6am · 11/05/2022 10:44

So it's all on him to do whatever, pay whatever to stop op taking his children away. I see. No compromise from her, all from him. Why is that?

I mean, she's already severely compromised her life in order to allow him to continue his almost entirely unencumbered... how about he takes them 50/50 and then she won't feel she needs the extra support so much? How about he makes that compromise and supports her so she doesn't have to go elsewhere for it?

Well yes, that's the ideal solution isn't it. It's probably not very realistic, but it is the ideal.

Hollygolightly86 · 11/05/2022 10:46

ChocolateHippo · 11/05/2022 10:44

That’s why I was asking how old the children are because I couldn’t understand why she wasn’t working if kids are at school

If you RTWT, the OP is a carer for her 13yo who can't be left unattended.

Too much to read! I would assume a 13yr old would be in some sort of educational setting, strange not to

EarringsandLipstick · 11/05/2022 10:46

Tinyleopard · 11/05/2022 10:43

@EarringsandLipstick have you access to his salary and outgoings? None of us know what he can afford.

Oh C'MON! 😡

OP cannot work, cannot afford childcare & has no support.

He's a pilot paying only £750 a month. You don't need access to anything to know hr could do better

Tinyleopard · 11/05/2022 10:47

EarringsandLipstick · 11/05/2022 10:46

Oh C'MON! 😡

OP cannot work, cannot afford childcare & has no support.

He's a pilot paying only £750 a month. You don't need access to anything to know hr could do better

Show quote history

Op not working is irrelevant. He's not required to pay more because she doesn't work.

We don't know what he can afford, do we?

EarringsandLipstick · 11/05/2022 10:47

Sorry quoted text is being cut off on app.

Going to leave Tiny & their goadiness to it now anyway.

Tinyleopard · 11/05/2022 10:48

Presumably ops children are in school?

If they needed ft nursery you'd have a point...

Tinyleopard · 11/05/2022 10:49

EarringsandLipstick · 11/05/2022 10:47

Sorry quoted text is being cut off on app.

Going to leave Tiny & their goadiness to it now anyway.

Goadiness or actual facts?Hmm

EarringsandLipstick · 11/05/2022 10:49

She is not working because she can't.

If he contributed more for their SEN child, or if he shared more care of them (not just seeing them a couple of times a week) then maybe she could.

Honestly Tiny your misogyny is shocking.

EarringsandLipstick · 11/05/2022 10:49

Tinyleopard · 11/05/2022 10:48

Presumably ops children are in school?

If they needed ft nursery you'd have a point...

Or the eldest who can't be left alone so needs care? 🤦🏻‍♀️

PeterpiperpickedapeckofpickledPEPPAS · 11/05/2022 10:50

Tinyleopard · 11/05/2022 10:34

So it's all on him to do whatever, pay whatever to stop op taking his children away. I see. No compromise from her, all from him. Why is that?

Show quote history

😂😂😂
I’m sorry, I’m going to have to stop engaging here. Tiny, can you really not see that OP has already made enormous sacrifices and compromises and that her wanting to carve out a bit of protected time to do some paid work and, shock horror, have a little social life of her own, does not negate the enormous sacrifices she has already made for the sake of her kids and for the sake of her kid’s relationship with their dad.
I hope OP has hidden the thread now. All the useful advice has already happened and now it’s just you left tiny, trying to make her feel bad for being unwilling to stay in a really shitty situation even if it forces her ex to be the one to have to make some compromises.

Original poster
CrazyCatLady00 · 11/05/2022 10:50

I’ve stopped reading all the comments tbh. However I’ll just point out that we don’t go through the CMS because I know I’ll be worse off as he is mortgaged to his eyeballs and I also suspect he is hiding money….due to my rubbish divorce settlement and him being able to afford a 900k house.

OP posts:
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