When did you decide to have a second (or stick with one)? And why?

[december2020]

DS is coming to 18 months and I've started thinking about trying for a second. He's super energetic and hands on, so I don't think I'd be ready to try until he's 2.5 years old (not that the energy part will disappear then, I know).

DH is adamant that he's one and done (he's worried we'd get a second energy bomb). It makes me a little sad but I can accept that, the last thing I would do is force someone to have a child. However, he won't let me get rid of any of the baby stuff yet (clothes, next to me etc.). So we decided we'll make a final decision in a years time.

So I would love to hear on when you decided to have another baby or decided not to have one and what led you to that decision.

We decided to try for a second not long after DD1 turned 4. Luckily I got pregnant straight away so we have a 5y gap.

We didn't particularly plan a big gap. Just had a difficult birth, then a child who was a terrible sleeper, and by the time we felt ready time had crept up on us!

We just felt we weren't done, wanted another child, wanted to give DD1 a sibling. It worked out great, they are very close and just adore each other. Plus DD2 was a much better sleeper!

I think we're very similar, we don't have a particular age gap we're trying to reach and also going from when we feel ready. I'm definitely not ready yet (and DH May never be).

I love that it's worked out great and they get on so well! And even better that DD2 is a better sleeper! Whoever said sleep is overrated was talking out their ass or never had a bad sleeper child!

Unless age/fertility is a factor I really don't think there should be any rush to decide. We love the big age gap! It is easier with the second because you (somewhat) know what you are doing and they entertain each other.

Yes, DD1 had periods where she woke every hour and didn't nap well. I really thought I could die some days! But DD2 got the message and started out waking once per night most of the time!

I think theres lots of pressure to have a certain age gap and/or number if children, but you've got to do what's right for you.

We knew we wanted more than 1 originally. DD1 just got to an age where she seemed easier (around 2). She’s also a ball of energy but at 2 she was starting to listen to instructions and was just easier to handle. We decided to have a third when DD2 was 9 months, DH convinced me a smaller gap would be easier. He was wrong! He was also wrong that DD2 would be sleeping through the night by then.

I don’t think there’s every really a ‘right time’. We thought it was when I got pregnant with DD2 but halfway through my pregnancy, DD1 decided to start waking every night for ages. I think it’s more that if you both want another then just go for it and you muddle through when they’re here.

I knew I wanted a second when I was pregnant with the first. I actually wasn't all the fussed about having children altogether (waited until 35 to have my first), but knew that if I was going to have one then I would want to have more than one. It wasn't a considered decision AT ALL, it was just what was going to happen so we tried and DS2 was born 20 months after DS1.

Both DH knew we wanted another, but that was a much more considered thing - about cost and whether we could really look after three little kids etc. But I wouldn't have been able to make peace with not trying so we had DD1 when DS2 was 2.5.

DH would have a fourth but I had all three babies between 35 and 39 and I feel too old now at 41. I also want my body back and three kids is PLENTY!

For us it was a head/heart thing but heart won every time. All toddlers are balls of energy so I understand your DHs concern but in reality, all my kids are different. I actually find it much easier having more than one because they entertain each other and I actually have less annoying role-play stuff to do because they do that together!

We started TTC again when DC1 started sleeping through! He was 12 months old.

I had a desire to try again when DS1 was about 12 months. I felt ready when he was 18 months.

Still trying for DC2 10 months on and have had 1 mmc.

I don't think I could have started trying until I was 100% ready, it's such a huge commitment.

Luckily, DH is very laid back and was happy to start trying whenever.

I always wanted 2 but had fertility issues so didn't know if it would be possible. IVF for DS1, we had 3 frozen embryos and assumed we would have to use these so were paying for these to remain frozen, then low and behold I fell pregnant by accident in February and DC2 will be born in October all being well. The age gap will be 23 months, I ideally would have liked a bigger age gap - maybe 2.5/3 years but I'm 38 and grateful to have fallen pregnant at all!

Just trying to brace myself for 2 with such a small age gap and my DS is not the best sleeper. At least all the sleeplessness will be over at once rather than having to start again when DS was sleeping well.

We wanted roughly a two year gap and they’re 2yrs 2mo apart. Personally the thought of waiting until one was in school to have another never appealed to me. I know a lot of people do that though.

I always knew I wanted at least two if I had any. Started trying when DD turned 1 and got pregnant almost immediately (slightly to my suprise as DD took 6 months).

I think there are pros and cons to different age gaps between children. For us we knew we wanted 2 and wanted to kind of power through with the sleepless nights etc rather than have too big a gap and have a shock to the system having a newborn again! We started trying at the beginning of the year when our daughter was 20 months old and fell pregnant straightaway. She'll be 2 next month and the new baby is due in October so there will be a 2.5 year gap between them which was what we were aiming for. I'm also 36 though so couldn't really wait around too long! We're hoping they will be close and have similar interests so days out will be easier. Does mean we have to crack on with potty training and moving DD into her big girl bed a bit early though!

We only planned on having one and never wavered. The newborn stage was so traumatic for us both that my husband had the snip when she was about 4 months old! No regrets at all.

We started trying shortly after DD was 3 years old. We have an age gap of 4 years 3 months, and it is perfect for us.

I liked not having to pay two lots of childcare/ nappies etc.

Started trying just after DC1 turned 2. DC2 was born just after DC1 turned 3 and, for us, it's been the best possible outcome.

DC1 is now capable of doing alot for himself, or with little assistance. He's in nursery a few days a week too, so while it's been tough, there's been moments of calm. I wouldn't have minded a 4 year age gap in terms of practicality but I saw pregnancy, childbirth and the newborn stage as a means to an end and wanted to get it over and done with ASAP.

I've always felt that with this age gap, DH and I just had to power through the first year. At 1yo, we'd have definitely found our stride with DC2 and DC1 will be soon be starting school so DC2 can get more 1:1 attention as DC1 did when he wasvery young. Well, we're nearing that stage and I can't wait. Things are already getting easier little by little and I'm glad I've had my two. I am now, most definitely, done!

Dh was adamant we'd have 1. DD now nearly 7. We have our perfect little unit. My brother today announced SIL pregnant with 3rd. I said to dh it's weird that we won't have another. Dh said let's do it then. I'm kind of nervous but excited. It's been a while since last one 😀It might not happen but we'll see.

To be honest it was always a given that we wld have more than 1. Felt the same when she was born started trying when she was about 20months and got pregnant quickly she was 2 1/2 when number 2 was born.

For us it was more will we have a 3rd. As soon as we found out it was another girl I thought we might have another. However when we came out I said well I'm not sure we are done, maybe 90% but dh said no I'm 99%. Thought him being male wld have been pushing for it but he said 2 was enough and he wld be disappointed if it were another girl. Wouldn't bother me if it were another girl.

To be fair 2 absolutely is enough though 😂 been harder than I thought. I think I wld have pushed for a 3rd had I been a bit younger but I'd want both girls in school and I don't want to having another baby close or at 40+.

I loved reading these! And congrats everyone who is currently pregnant.
You're definitely affirming my decision to have a second. I know you can't guarantee siblings to like each other or get on, but maybe they'll be able to wear each other's energy out.

I'm pretty sure 2 is my absolute limit.
Time isn't completely on my side (mid 30s) so in an ideal world we'd decide on and have the second while I'm still in my 30s. I know women are perfectly able to have kids in their 40s and beyond but I think personally I'll be too tired by that time (but maybe I'll surprise myself).

So I think it's really up to DH if he's ready in a few years time.

I always wanted two, but for DH it was when DD1 was around 18mo and needing a lot of entertainment. He said he reckoned two would be easier to keep amused!

Covid delays to IVF held us up a bit, but we have a 2.9 year age gap and they’re fab together. I genuinely find two easier than one, but that could be because DD1 is SO high energy that any baby would seem easy compared to that, and it’s an utter relief that they play together so nicely (currently 3.5yo and almost 9mo).

I was an only child. I had only a few relatives in the country I grew up in and they didn't have children. My parents were older. They couldn't have more children. I was a lucky fluke. I worried terribly about them dying and me being left alone. I did marry and was determined to have two children so that they knew there was always somebody to be close to when we were gone. In fact I had my parents to a very old age so I got longer with them than many people who had younger parents. I think it would have been less of an issue if I had more family members and cousins and so on. For what it's worth our second baby was very laid back. He literally only cried when he was hungry. He slept through at 8 weeks.

I am an only child as Re several of my friends by coincidence and none of us would wish it on anyone. If you have the option, please give your child a sibling.

We were one and done until DD turned 2 and then we decided we would like another!

I was a very happy only child though growing up!

We always wanted two. Initially wanted a four year gap for financial reasons and the reality of parenthood made me quickly realise I could not have a baby and a toddler at the same time. We weren't ready after 4 years then it took a while to concieve so we got a 6 year gap which we're very happy with.

We always thought we wanted two although DH was on the fence when DD1 was a toddler as that stage is such hard work!

We finally decided to go for it when she was 2.5. It was a combination of feeling ready financially and also DD1 becoming easier to look after, sleeping through the night etc. We have a 3.5 year age gap between DD1 and DD2 and it is perfect for us, really happy with it.

I’m an only child & I hate it. That was my reason for having more than one. I had HG in my first pregnancy & I was really poorly. It took a lot for me to have a second & go through it again. But I did. & it was so so worth it. We went for a 3 year gap, a smaller one was 100% not for me 😂 plus, DD1 was that bit older to cope with me being very poorly & in & out of hospital. And the 3 year gap meant we only 6 months of paying 2x lots of nursery fees. And we had 3 year funding for our eldest so it made it affordable. We couldn’t have afford 2 full lots!

I’d love more but I can’t put myself through hell-ish pregnancy sadly 😣

@Nelliephant1 Out of interest, what makes you feel that way?