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Original poster

Completely humiliated by my toddler, I'm in bits

446 replies

parentingsucks · 15/04/2022 20:41

My toddler has a horrible temper and throws some epic tantrums, usual two year old behaviour I had always thought until the last few weeks where it's been getting worse. He's started being violent, hitting, biting during tantrums and screaming at us a lot. It's been a tough couple of weeks and today has just sent me over the edge. I'm trying to get away from him and calm down and I'm in the bath trying to relax and I can hear him screaming at my husband and I just want to cry.

We live in a small village on a new estate full of young families. Everyone is very friendly and greets each other by name. There isn't any anonymity. He was having an epic tantrum today as we were walking around the estate, sat down screaming trying to run into the road. I picked him up and started to carry him home and he grabbed both of his hands on to my hair and pulled as hard as he could. I could feel him ripping it out and I was panicking I put him down and tried to peel his hands off and he just pulled harder, I leant him back on to the grass desperately trying to get him off and he just pulled harder and sank his teeth into my cheek so hard it broke the skin on three places. I screamed, people who were outside came running over trying to help, I was crying hysterically, he was screaming shut up everybody, I was just crying harder as heard him he was so rude to so many people.

I got home and got away from him. I don't want to be around him at all he has upset me so much. I'm so shocked by what he did. I'm so mortified so many people saw. I'm so gutted that he is capable of behaving like this, I'm just devastated. I'm in tears again now writing what has happened. It just isn't normal, is it? What the fuck have I done wrong? He's two. I know he's tiny. I try and not get upset at him but I am so hurt by this. So, so hurt.

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lameasahorse · 17/04/2022 21:07

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redhillrovers · 17/04/2022 21:29

@parentingsucks

I know I shouldn't of screamed and cried in front of him it was just the shock, pain and knowing how many people were around I just didn't feel in control at all
Maybe not a helpful question but why shouldn't you react normally? Is the thinking that if you don't react they get less out of the behaviour and are less likely to do it again?

My toddler was doing this one day in the house, literally chasing me around to sink her teeth into me and when she did manage to land a few bites I cried, quite a bit in front of her.

I don't think showing them a normal reaction to shitty behaviour is that bad tbh.

TabithaTittlemouse · 17/04/2022 21:29

She's bringing up a child not training a cat

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StopStartStop · 17/04/2022 23:53

[quote lameasahorse]@StopStartStop if it works and stops her DC biting her and pulling her hair out then it is fine. You wouldn't normally do this, but OP needs something that works and will not harm her DC.[/quote]
It absolutely is not fine. The act is not fine. The idea alone is preposterous.

Calandor · 18/04/2022 00:43

Of course you should've screamed and cried in front of him. How else will he learn that ripping hair out and gouging peoples faces isn't OK?

Magnolia2022 · 18/04/2022 06:37

Toddlers can be so mean! Usually it’s just the stage they are at and can be very normal behaviour. Even this, as extreme as it sounds. You handled it fine. You can’t help feeling emotional because you’re finding it tough. Definitely speak to your HV. They will make sure all of his development is where it should be and they can also offer you support with his behaviour including parenting courses (not because you’re a bad parent but to help you understand how to manage his behaviour and find tactics and solutions that help). Some children are easy going and others are really challenging and all of this can fall within normal behavioural ranges for kids this age. It will most likely be a phase and it WILL get better. There is light at the end of the tunnel I promise.

Original poster
parentingsucks · 18/04/2022 10:06

Well if I thought the other day was bad he managed to surpass it by a mile. He fully attacked me this morning, he told me to shut up so I took his toy away. He screamed and screamed for it back and I said no and he just escalated and escalated. I tried to ignore him he just desperately clawed at me and scratched me. I tried to get up and walk away he was biting my thighs and scratching at me. I tried to shut him in his room so I could get away from the attack and he launched himself over the stair gate. He just followed me around the house, biting, hair pulling, scratching, hitting screaming the entire time. I tried to just give him a huge and he pulled two fistfuls of hair out. He bit me on my thumb so hard it's bleeding and the back of my thigh and arm show an indent of every tooth in his fucking mouth. Im bleeding in 4 different places. I look like I've been attacked by a cat I have scratches everywhere. He's got a huge lump on his head from head butting doors because I tried to get away. He's gone for the dog and pulled out his fur. He's thrown my MacBook and shattered the screen. He's always thrown a good tantrum but this is insanity. We had him assessed by early intervention who had no concerns, nursery say he's just strong willed. His speech and communication is great. He's so smart and chatty and funny I don't know this side of him. I was genuinely scared this morning. I'm going to phone the gp tomorrow. I wanted to hurt him this morning so badly.

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Original poster
parentingsucks · 18/04/2022 10:07

Over an hour this went on for. Just attacking me in any way he could and screaming at the top of his lungs. I've never seen anything like it. Nothing would de-escalate.

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Original poster
parentingsucks · 18/04/2022 10:08

He was 14 months when he saw early intervention. He's now nearly 3

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Original poster
parentingsucks · 18/04/2022 10:23

He's saying sorry now and giving me a cuddle saying sorry mummy, biting is naughty, shut up is naughty. He understands so why does he still do it. When he bit the back of my thigh I grabbed his head from behind and pulled him off. He fell down on the floor and has a huge bump on his head now. So now I'm crying that I've hurt him and he's saying doctor check my head I go hospital. I can't fucking do this

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MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 18/04/2022 10:30

OP, I know this is hard but if he's attacking you for over an hour you need to MOVE AWAY, if he follows you ,you move away again. Don't try and hug him when he's in the middle of a tantrum that's like poking a bear.

He told you to shut up, you took his toy away and the while thing escalated. Have you tried just telling him shut up isn't a kind thing to say? It sounds like you're fighting fire with fire.

I know it's hard x

Original poster
parentingsucks · 18/04/2022 10:33

I tried to move away he followed me wherever I went. If I closed doors he headbutted them until I opened them. If I walked away he bit the back of my thighs. If I sat down and ignored him he clawed at my leggings whilst screaming at me. If I walked around he would follow hitting screaming and trying to bite me and scratching me. At one point I tried to just give him a cuddle and he got my hair. I tried to kneel down and talk to him he got my hair. Of course I say shut up is naughty. He says it again. I ignore him. He will say it 1000 times then

OP posts:
MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 18/04/2022 10:42

Close the door and let him head butt then, he won't do it for long when he realises it hurts.

Original poster
parentingsucks · 18/04/2022 10:44

He does do it for long we have heavy solid oak doors he does it until he has a golf ball sized lump on his head

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MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 18/04/2022 10:46

It's a great way of getting your attention.

Seeing the HV is a good idea.

Tabitha789 · 18/04/2022 10:59

He really needs a proper assessment he is out of control. there is no way you should be going through this. Terrible behaviour, he's clearly manipulating you. In child development they take a while to understand others and boundaries. However he is aware here that apologetic behaviour can win you around and he knows it's wrong. There needs to be some serous help here.
Best advice I can give you is to leave him be and don't entertain him when he acts this way. Shut him off. Don't hug him or allow him any control. It'll be hard but let him work out his frustration. It is absolutely unacceptable you have to live like this xxx

BeforeGodAndAllTheFish · 18/04/2022 11:10

Where is he learning to say shut up? That's just not normal. It isnt in TV shows or books for their age. And nursery staff wont use it. It could be other children but most people dont say shut up to their kids. My kids came home from nursery saying bum and giggling but not shut up.

How is home life generally? Is there yelling and telling each other to shut up?

His behaviour just isnt normally. I would start looking for child behaviour therapy. This isnt normal tantruming.

MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 18/04/2022 11:10

He may well be reacting to the terrible sadness you have all been through and he's expressing it through anger,or not but either way he needs some help as do you.

BeforeGodAndAllTheFish · 18/04/2022 11:11

And maybe get a playpen and put foam around the inside. Then just keep putting him back in there to scream and bang his head.

heckythump01 · 18/04/2022 11:11

Op I've just read your thread I'm so sorry your all going through this....I don't have any advice other than don't feel ashamed to get help and support! You've all been through so much. Sending you a 🫂

MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 18/04/2022 11:14

@BeforeGodAndAllTheFish

And maybe get a playpen and put foam around the inside. Then just keep putting him back in there to scream and bang his head.
If he's nearly 3 he'll climb over that in about 2 seconds flat.
Original poster
parentingsucks · 18/04/2022 11:21

No there isn't yelling and telling people to shut up in this house. We've never modelled anything of the sort and we've certainly never bitten, hit, scratched or pulled his hair either. I don't know where it's coming from, possibly YouTube kids or kids at nursery. I've removed YouTube kids he only watches episodes of things like Paw Patrol now. He really can be so sweet, he kicked off in public yesterday and hit out at another child and tried to pull my hair when I removed him, he was screaming at top of his lungs and saying shut up and I walked away with him and managed to get him to calm down and go and say sorry to the child within a few minutes. He said shut up yesterday evening and said sorry on his own accord straight away. I thought maybe we were going to get past it and then this morning happened. Maybe I did cause it by taking things away but he wouldn't apologise and wouldn't stop saying it I didn't know what else to do. All I want is my lovely little boy to be kind to people I wouldn't try and teach him not to be. If Im the one causing this it isn't intentional

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Original poster
parentingsucks · 18/04/2022 11:25

Those obviously aren't examples of him being sweet I worded it badly, those were just him calming down well yesterday. I just mean he is a lot of the time, really sweet, kind, good at sharing, says that he loves us, calls us clever, says good job, he repeats all the positive things we say to him to us. He's empathetic sometimes. He can be so loving. He just has this horrible temper that overpowers all of the good bits Sad

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MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 18/04/2022 11:30

Maybe I did cause it by taking things away but he wouldn't apologise and wouldn't stop saying it I didn't know what else to do

Ignore the bad behaviour and praise the good.

Backachesandheadaches · 18/04/2022 11:36

op you really need to get him assessed because hes out of control I'm sorry but that's the truth. Without the help and support in place and possibly medication he's going to get a million times worse. Attacking you is horrible but he's now going for animals and other children. Not every parent is understanding when their child gets attacked and that's when things get worse for you. He's struggling with his emotions and 'big feelings' and I put money on that he's in sensory overload when these things happen. Even if you don't think he's got any SEN needs read about them and implement the parenting styles and you might see some changes.

You aren't a failure. You can do this. Contact GP and health visitor and even the Social Services for some added support and help they can access things others can't in terms of support for example respite care.