Hurt and confused someone has suggested there’s something wrong with my son?

[user1493889010]

Sorry this is probably a really superficial post but I am deeply hurt by a comment made by someone who is friends with me on my private social media account (someone I used to attend college with). I uploaded a collage of my baby son and amongst all the usual, lovely expected comments he posted:

‘Is something wrong with your son?’

After asking why they then commented:

‘Your son's eyes bulge like a child with Down's Syndrome.’

I replied saying there was nothing wrong with my son that he was healthy and happy and that his comment was rude and he replied:

‘Sorry, but that's why I asked if anything was wrong. Why would I pick on your son?
The fact is he looks like he has bulging eyes. That's why I asked whether anything was wrong whether it be Down's Syndrome or something else. I'm not a doctor so don't expect me to get the diagnosis correct from a few photos if there was something wrong.
Your eyes and your baby's eyes are very different. I don't know if it's just because he is a baby, not having any children of my own. But that isn't something I noticed in my neices and nephews when they were babies. Paediatricians must have a hard job dealing with parents who have something wrong with their child, but can’t admit it. Sorry’

Something that was intended to be such a positive experience sharing pictures of my son with my friends and family has turned out to be so negative. Why would he say this? Does my baby look like there’s something wrong with him? I feel very hurt and confused.

Here’s the collage I posted I have just added a picture in the middle of my eyes because of his comment about my eyes and my sons eyes.

Post edited by MNHQ to remove image as requested by OP

Well exactly I can’t work out whether it was lack of self awareness or simply him wanting to be rude. Though we have no bad history that would warrant that. He was literally a guy I went to college with we were never friends just acquaintances.

Even if I thought there was something wrong I’d never ask let alone comment publicly. I’m sure your baby is beautiful and also babies are notorious for growing into their features. I had one son who looked like a model baby, perfect everything everyone remarked on his good looks. My other one was born looking huge, squished, with small eyes and a big nose compared to other son. He grew into his features in a few years and he’s honestly drop dead gorgeous. Xx

I am giving an advice... stop posting baby pictures on social media.
You don't need this negativity...and let's say your baby did had down syndrome. What would he gain from that stupid question?
Babies with Down Syndrome are cute and loving too!

Anyway keep your pictures for you family and friends only.. it's best.

Wow, what a bellend! I would be raging at that message OP - 'wrong?', fucking wrong?? Appalling man - wtf would it have to do with him anyway? Imagine thinking the shit that pops into your head is so very important you must share them immediately with casual acquaintances and get hurty feelings when they aren't overwhelmed with gratitude for your unsolicited, uneducated offerings? Absolute plank!

I didn't see the pics of your son but my niece was premature and her eyes were very prominent - I assumed it was because she was so tiny and had no fat to fill her gorgeous little face out. Once she started gaining weight they were more in proportion.

Try to put his comments out your mind (difficult I know) and enjoy your tiny baby - negging a baby is a whole new level of arseholery!

Op this person is incredibly odd. Any decent person would NOT message you in that way, even if they were concerned.

I hope you’ve blocked them. They probably think lots of strange things!

Honestly though this is why I don’t put my kid on social media. :(

That is so odd and downriver inappropriate. If he was a medical student and messaged you private if he’s noticed something then that’s slightly different. Was it a public post?
If you have no concerns. I hope you can put this behind you. Very odd behaviour.

He’s a troll. He gets his kicks from hurting people.
I work in health care in the UK and no one ever uses FLK anymore but everyone knows what it means. (Short hand for facial features that may indicate a possible syndrome).

Tell them to fuck off and block them from every area of your social media and cut them out of your life. Unbelievable that anyone would say this to your face, let alone post it on social media. It’s not said out of concern, it’s malicious, intended to cause harm and utterly unforgivable.💐

Glad you blocked that troll, because that's all he is

@WeRTheOnesWeHaveBeenWaitingFor

He’s a troll. He gets his kicks from hurting people. I work in health care in the UK and no one ever uses FLK anymore but everyone knows what it means. (Short hand for facial features that may indicate a possible syndrome).

That would make sense. The paediatrician speculating over my son's facial features, and then concluding that he he had (in his words) "Facial features in keeping with Trisomy 21". A few days later the blood tests confirmed that my son has Down's Syndrome (and it turned out to be the best thing ever), but those words still play in my head 12 years later.

It was a post on my timeline that any of my friends could see but not public. As my son was premature he’s had many more tests, assessments and evaluations than a full term baby both in hospital but also after being discharged and luckily they’ve all been good.

He’s had his eyes monitored and none of the medical professionals looking into this mentioned anything wrong with him. They said his eyes were great and discharged him.

My son has big prominent eyes like myself and my mother and other members of my mother’s family. I’ve never been told there was anything abnormal about them until this morning when this guy (he was an acquaintance back when I was at college over a decade ago) commented that underneath a collage I posted. If I’m honest he was one of those fb friends you forget you even have. ive never had any reason to think he was strange or unkind.

[quote EisforEmergency]@GreyTS, sorry but the term FLK is well known in medical circles, not just paediatrics. I haven’t heard it in ages, but anyone who graduated from med school more than 10 years ago would know exactly what it meant.[/quote]
I agree with this. Not the nicest phrase but it is a well known one among doctors.I don’t think it’s used much now but my DH was taught this in medical school around 20 years ago. There are distinctive looks to certain conditions which can help with diagnosis.

Sorry OP that this man was so rude about your child

There is only one possible answer to a message like that. It has two words and the second one is 'off'.

What a prat this man is. Whether or not a child has DS, you just don’t comment in that way. Also it’s none of his business.

Actually, I’d make an exception and it’s ok to ask someone like this if they have a diagnosis of being an absolute wanker!!

Thank you for sharing. Your son sounds exactly like mine and it’s lovely to know he’s doing so well! My sons eyes are big and bright blue and yes he looks shocked a lot which people usually find very cute. Clearly not the response from Mr Kill Joy this morning however!

Brilliant I should have done!

Thank you. Yes I’ve blocked him!

Yes that approach absolutely makes sense. I clearly had a bit more faith in humanity - which has now gone! I didn’t even consider the fact (as my account is private) that anyone I was friends with would ever say anything like that.

I’ve now been through my friends list and deleted anyone who isn’t a close friend or a family member. I feel it’s easier to put up a post for close friends and family to see than send them all individual messages which is time consuming.

Thanks so much for your reply and sharing your experiences with your premature daughter.

To steal the words of Pennox. My sons eyes are bright blue and look like saucers. He looks permanently shocked. I have big eyes and so does my mother. My eyes are brown so maybe more subtle but because my son has crystal blue eyes they are more prominent looking. They are what tend to draw the most attention and compliments but the comments had only ever been complimentary (to say they were cute) up until today.

I’m glad to hear your daughter is doing well. My son has been out of the neonatal unit since January (he was discharged in his due date which was lovely) so he’s 3 months corrected and big and chubby and his eyes so I think he’s just lumbered with the eyes of my mums family.

Well this was always the intention I don’t have an open social media account. Only people I’ve accepted as friends can see any of my content.

Unfortunately, this guy had been one of those contacts you forget you have as he has been there for over a decade. I’ve now been through my friends list and deleted anyone who isn’t a close friend or a family member.

The reason I use social media is I find it easier and less time consuming to put up one post for close friends and family to see than send them all individual messages. But a purge of my friends list probably was the best course of action before posting anything. I must be naive but I didn’t ever expect any of my contacts to be that unkind.

I agree!

Yeah I’ve heard about this creepy losers

I’m sure you would also be curious if someone suggested your children looked abnormal or may have an issue.

Certainly if someone was suggesting that children with Down’s syndrome were “abnormal”, that wouldn’t sit right with me.

@user1493889010

Do you know what this premature eye condition is called I can’t find it. Trying to google.

www.nemours.org/services/retinopathyofprematurity.html

He had his eyes checked by a team of ophthalmologists in the neonatal unit over the period of a month or so he and was discharged with no eye problems. They actually told me his eyes were great so I don’t think it’s that. Maybe it’s just because he’s got my eyes and I have big wide eyes which are prominent.