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Original poster

Hurt and confused someone has suggested there’s something wrong with my son?

194 replies

user1493889010 · 08/04/2022 10:49

Sorry this is probably a really superficial post but I am deeply hurt by a comment made by someone who is friends with me on my private social media account (someone I used to attend college with). I uploaded a collage of my baby son and amongst all the usual, lovely expected comments he posted:

‘Is something wrong with your son?’

After asking why they then commented:

‘Your son's eyes bulge like a child with Down's Syndrome.’

I replied saying there was nothing wrong with my son that he was healthy and happy and that his comment was rude and he replied:

‘Sorry, but that's why I asked if anything was wrong. Why would I pick on your son?
The fact is he looks like he has bulging eyes. That's why I asked whether anything was wrong whether it be Down's Syndrome or something else. I'm not a doctor so don't expect me to get the diagnosis correct from a few photos if there was something wrong.
Your eyes and your baby's eyes are very different. I don't know if it's just because he is a baby, not having any children of my own. But that isn't something I noticed in my neices and nephews when they were babies. Paediatricians must have a hard job dealing with parents who have something wrong with their child, but can’t admit it. Sorry’

Something that was intended to be such a positive experience sharing pictures of my son with my friends and family has turned out to be so negative. Why would he say this? Does my baby look like there’s something wrong with him? I feel very hurt and confused.

Here’s the collage I posted I have just added a picture in the middle of my eyes because of his comment about my eyes and my sons eyes.

Post edited by MNHQ to remove image as requested by OP

OP posts:
IamtheDevilsAvocado · 08/04/2022 11:12

@user1493889010

Yes already blocked! But for some reason his words are still ringing in my ears. I have no idea why as he was just a friendly acquaintance I’d say a brief hello to.
Don't let this idiot man in your head.

Horrid thing to say.

Original poster
user1493889010 · 08/04/2022 11:12

He’s blocked! Thank you so much

OP posts:
Abra1d1 · 08/04/2022 11:13

The way he’s enjoying looking at that book suggests he’s a bright little boy.

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DigitusImpudicus · 08/04/2022 11:13

@JemimaTiggywinkle

Really weird comment from your “friend”. Your baby looks fine. I think you should ask for your post to be deleted though - I don’t think its a good idea to have pictures of your baby on a public forum.
I agree.

No one could make a medical diagnosis on MN based on your photos.

Even if your child has a medical diagnosis that doesn't mean that something is "wrong" with them. Your friend is a twat.

You know there aren't any known medical diagnoses- please ask the photos to be taken down.

CavernousScream · 08/04/2022 11:14

He must be quite unusually stupid. It’s like saying ‘your baby is much smaller than you are, is there something wrong with him?’ Babies are not fully grown adults and some of them do have slightly prominent eyes. Your baby looks happy and healthy.

myfanwybygaslight · 08/04/2022 11:14

Your baby is beautiful! I'd say your "friend" is the one with something seriously wrong with him to make a comment like that. Glad to see you've blocked him, don't give him another thought.

PierresPotato · 08/04/2022 11:15

Some people are very weird.
Put this guy in that category.
Plus he is the rude enough to share his odd thoughts, then arrogant enough to defend that by comparing himself to a highly trained professional. Gobsmacking arrogance.

Thatsplentyjack · 08/04/2022 11:16

It was really rude of him to say that a baby with downs syndrome or any other condition had something "wrong" with them.
Also very rude to negatively comment on someone else's baby.

Original poster
user1493889010 · 08/04/2022 11:16

Sorry reply to every lovely comment. Thank you all so much for taking the time to reply to my post. I felt I was in the twilight zone there for a moment.

OP posts:
Original poster
user1493889010 · 08/04/2022 11:18

Yes exactly what he said was just offensive in so many ways.

OP posts:
TokenGinger · 08/04/2022 11:18

I see you have blocked him now which is great, but if you ever find yourself faced with him again in college or wherever, tell him a child with Down Syndrome doesn't have anything "wrong" with them. They have an extra chromosome. That doesn't make them wrong.

It's a really awful word to use, to suggest any baby has anything wrong with them 😢

ThackeryBinks · 08/04/2022 11:19

OP whoever said that to you is really rather odd with zero people skills. Don't dwell on it. Enjoy your beautiful baby.

Why2why · 08/04/2022 11:20

OP, I had a look at the photos and at first I thought your friend was being ridiculous. When I zoomed the photos, I can see a bit of what your friend might be seeing.

It is worth satisfying yourself that your baby does not have an underlying condition. This is not a dig at your baby, who I think is gorgeous. I can see a hint of something.

Whatever the case may be, your baby is your baby and has a right to be part of this universe and to be loved for who he is.

If it were me, I’d raise with doctors just to make sure I’m not leaving any questions unasked.

SpaghettiNotCourgetti · 08/04/2022 11:22

Some people just can't stand nice things happening to other people.

I'm pretty sure that Down's would've been flagged by now if there were any concern about it.

Your acquaintance is just an arsehole. The world has lots of them, unfortunately.

Enjoy your baby.

Original poster
user1493889010 · 08/04/2022 11:24

He has had every test under the sun. He was born premature so they cover all bases and there were no issues. He’s met every developmental milestone. What did you notice about my son when you’re looked at the photos that makes you think there may be an issue with him?

OP posts:
HoneyFlowers · 08/04/2022 11:25

I had someone in the street come up to me and try and diagnose my son as an albino, just because he had blonde hair. I'll never forget that.

Nietzschethehiker · 08/04/2022 11:29

I would almost guarantee he is one of those people who proudly claims they tell it how it is and stay real and all of that ridiculous attempt to replace an actual personality with rudeness and uninformed opinions because they are either too stupid or too lazy to develop anything actually interesting about themselves. It's always a dead giveaway when they are too spineless to justify their comment and hide behind the imagined faux impact on other intelligent capable people ( such as his silly doctor comment). His faux hiding behind the skirts of others simply makes him weak and silly.

Give it the attention it deserves, absolutely none. Genuinely when I meet people who are so terribly proud of spouting whatever unintelligent waffle that passes through their tumbleweed filled head, I'm just grateful I don't have to go through life as them.

GreenOrangePear · 08/04/2022 11:32

What a horrible thing to message someone. Glad you have blocked the guy.

I don't think there is any issue at all with your son- it would have been flagged, but perhaps your son has some kind of epicanthic fold? I'm not sure because you took the photos down. Doesn't mean there is anything wrong with him at all - just somewhere in your family history there's probably people from Asia.

Brunosaiditlookslikerain · 08/04/2022 11:32

People are so blooming strange sometimes. This man sounds spectacularly rude, arrogant and ignorant. I'm glad you've blocked him, please enjoy your lovely son and forget his random, unqualified weird comments.

Why2why · 08/04/2022 11:32

@user1493889010

He has had every test under the sun. He was born premature so they cover all bases and there were no issues. He’s met every developmental milestone. What did you notice about my son when you’re looked at the photos that makes you think there may be an issue with him?
OP, I’m not here to have a fight with you. If you think there’s nothing to check, then that’s fine. It’s around his eye area. I would definitely not describe it as bulging but it might be because he is premature. I tried to take an objective view rather than jump on an emotion bandwagon.

I regret doing so and will exit. I do not want to upset you. I just wanted to say that with an often unreliable health service here, keep vigilant and keep asking for if you have any concerns. If you don’t have concerns, then ignore my comments and your friend’s. You know you baby better.

bringincrazyback · 08/04/2022 11:33

This guy admits he knows nothing about babies then tries to push an unwanted POV on you anyway? Twat, and an insensitive one at that. Glad you blocked.

thisplaceisweird · 08/04/2022 11:33

Oh of course it was a man!

Honestly no need to defend yourself or explain anything in these situations. A simlpe "who asked you???" will suffice!

Who does he think he is? 'sorry but I just have to tell you my unsolicitied opinion why are you angry' what an idiot.

Original poster
user1493889010 · 08/04/2022 11:39

Thank you. No he doesn’t have the epicanthic fold just large wide eyes which people often comment on positively but this guy took to indicate he had Down syndrome.

OP posts:
Original poster
user1493889010 · 08/04/2022 11:46

I wasn’t intending to fight or be confrontational. It’s just your comment is the only comment on this thread (or comment I’ve ever received apart from the one this thread is about) that has suggested my son looks abnormal.

So it’s only natural I would ask why you thought that. I’m sure you would also be curious if someone suggested your children looked abnormal or may have an issue.

He has big eyes, he looks like I did as a baby. The most frequent comment I have received about my son is that he has my eyes or about his big eyes (in a positive way). You are the second person who has suggested his eyes look abnormal rather than cute or beautiful so I was interested to know why you thought that.

OP posts:
LazyJayne · 08/04/2022 11:46

Ha I knew a guy like that in college. He thought he was a genius. He’d read a book on body language and then say things like ‘I can tell you’re thinking of telling a lie because you just scratched your nose’ and if you said you weren’t, he’d say you were lying or didn’t know your own thoughts. He ended up doing really badly in his exams and tried to blame the teachers for teaching the wrong content but that didn’t work because most of the class did really well. He got really into crypto and wouldn’t stop posting about it for months and then suddenly stopped so I think he lost a lost of money.