Hurt and confused someone has suggested there’s something wrong with my son?

[user1493889010]

Sorry this is probably a really superficial post but I am deeply hurt by a comment made by someone who is friends with me on my private social media account (someone I used to attend college with). I uploaded a collage of my baby son and amongst all the usual, lovely expected comments he posted:

‘Is something wrong with your son?’

After asking why they then commented:

‘Your son's eyes bulge like a child with Down's Syndrome.’

I replied saying there was nothing wrong with my son that he was healthy and happy and that his comment was rude and he replied:

‘Sorry, but that's why I asked if anything was wrong. Why would I pick on your son?
The fact is he looks like he has bulging eyes. That's why I asked whether anything was wrong whether it be Down's Syndrome or something else. I'm not a doctor so don't expect me to get the diagnosis correct from a few photos if there was something wrong.
Your eyes and your baby's eyes are very different. I don't know if it's just because he is a baby, not having any children of my own. But that isn't something I noticed in my neices and nephews when they were babies. Paediatricians must have a hard job dealing with parents who have something wrong with their child, but can’t admit it. Sorry’

Something that was intended to be such a positive experience sharing pictures of my son with my friends and family has turned out to be so negative. Why would he say this? Does my baby look like there’s something wrong with him? I feel very hurt and confused.

Here’s the collage I posted I have just added a picture in the middle of my eyes because of his comment about my eyes and my sons eyes.

Post edited by MNHQ to remove image as requested by OP

Idiot. Ignore him.

@RazzlePuff I've reported that last post. It must be an American site, that kind of language is not acceptable in the U.K.

That comment was grossly rude, offensive and tremendously disrespectful.

I would be disgusted too, Op. However I do think kiddies with Down Syndrome are beautiful.

Bury your head in the sand. Cancel me. Can’t deny that MD staff use this term. Don’t lose sleep over it.

My youngest had bulging eyes - small baby and big eyes. Nothing wrong with her and she is a beautiful adult. Some people are idiots and have the sensitivity of a knat. Ignore them.

It never fails to amaze me just how rude people can be and how some people just say whatever that are thinking,it's utterly bizarre!!

I missed the photos but I'm sure he's gorgeous! Glad you've blocked him.

Didn't see the photo but even if your son had a medical condition he would still be gorgeous and there wouldn't be anything "wrong" with him.

Wrong with him is such a horrible way to put it. You did the right thing by blocking him.

For your own peace of mind, given he was premature, you should draw his doctor's attention to his eyes at your next appointment, just for reassurance. Comments like this man's can niggle away at you and if you had an actual doctor look specifically at the eyes you would be able to fully dismiss his words.

I missed the pic but honestly even if there was an issue you hadn't told the world its insensitive to say anything. I have had friends that did have children that did have a rare disabilities that was obvious there was a problem but they hadn't announced or made public any issues. The last thing I'd have done is question them about it. It's not necessary. Over time they have revealed the diagnosis themselves and then you just support the friend as needed it's completely inappropriate to comment especially when it's not even a close friend.

And as I said I missed the pic but going by the comments this is not the case anyway but just saying regardless if there was an issue or not it's no one's place to say anything.

His comment and follow-up were designed to upset you, and that is all that he intended. Jt's a bit like he just waved a big flag at you that says "I'm an aggressive dickhead.". I expect he felt rejected by you at some point; now he's alone looking at you with your delightful baby it's made him angry. Please don't dwell on his comments, best thing is to cut him out entirely. Keep copies of the messages though in case he tries some other approach, his messages come across as though he is mentally unstable.

Very true!

Thank you really good advice.

That is a really weird thing to do. Even if the kid was Downs (which he isn't - you would know by now anyway!) why would you write that as a comment? Kids pull faces all the time in photos. Ignore! I wouldn't have even bothered replying to him.

@RazzlePuff this link is more acceptable. I agree that there used to be a time this acronyms was used in in the U.K. It isn't anymore, as it's unprofessional. I reported your link because of the usage of the R word which is absolutely not acceptable in Britain, unless you are talking about proving bread!

en.wiktionary.org/wiki/FLK

Please don’t let this friend upset you. Congratulations on the birth of your beautiful son.

The doctors and midwives would have told you about a well-known condition like this had your child been affected.

Your friend does not sound like a good friend; or at the least there is something socially peculiar about them.

Reading your exchange I felt that his aim was to hurt you because he used the word ‘wrong’ several times. It’s like he found a word which upsetting for you and kept repeating it. His wording was deliberately chosen to be cruel and hurtful.
Sorry that you are experienced this.

It’s another form of negging. It’s commonly used in dating with men who are pick up artists (aka loser men with small dicks and an inferiority complex), but men are also known to use it in other situations where they for some reason might want out a woman “in her place”.

Ignore this loser and block him.

There is nothing wrong with my son either.
He's a little ray of sunshine who brings us so much joy.
Oh and he also has Down's Syndrome!!!!!!!!!!!

The man sounds like a complete dick, and also has very odd ideas about what people with DS look like. My beautiful DD was prem and has DS and her eyes weren’t at all bulgy. What a weirdo.

@RazzlePuff

Strictly FYI: In the pediatric world there is phrase the MDs use when they think that based on appearance that something may be of concern- the phrase is FLK. Funny Looking Kid. Facial appearance is an indicator of some genetic differences and in fact, computer facial software are used as a diagnostic tool.

That may have been the case in the past but absolutely ALL medical professionals should now know to never ever write something so fucking insensitive in a patient's notes, not least because these days patients/parents are often copied into letters and have every right to access notes. Any professional who did that now would be opening themselves and their organisation up to major issues and a complete breakdown of the relationship between them and the patient/family.

The strange thing is, I have taken as much offence from reading your post as you probably did from the comments he made.
I don't even see the Down's Syndrome when I look at my son. I just see him as my little boy.
Must be my hormones having this effect on me as I'm not usually this over sensitive.

People only say stuff like that when they have internal issues. This is not about your son but about that person, who sounds very silly. Ignore them.

"I'm not a doctor so don't expect me to get the diagnosis correct from a few photos if there was something wrong."

The lack of self awareness is amazing! No one asked him to! All he had to do was say something nice like congratulations or ignore if he didn't feel like doing that. Instead he's stuck his oar in while pointing out himself that he's not qualified and hasn't got enough information to go on even if he was, yet somehow he's surprised that you didn't find it helpful.

OP I can understand why you were upset but he's clearly a complete idiot. I'm glad you've blocked him now.

@RazzlePuff

Bury your head in the sand. Cancel me. Can’t deny that MD staff use this term. Don’t lose sleep over it.

They used to, yes, because there's always been a lot of black humour in medicine. But now there's a lot more openness and sharing of notes with patients, so they don't anymore because they don't want to lose their jobs over almost inevitable complaints when (not if) a parent sees that in their child's records.

THis sounds like someone being nasty for kicks.

Didnt see the photos but one of my sons had massive, massive eyes as a baby. They were ice blue and looked like saucers. We joked that he looked like one of those fluffy key ring toys with huge eyes or one of the lemurs from Madagascar. He looked permanently shocked. People commented on it all the time. He's now 15 and often gets comments about how attractive he is, people saying he should be a model etc. He still has quite striking eyes but the rest of his features grew around them and they looked less starey as they changed from blue to green. Put this idiot out of your mind.