Hurt and confused someone has suggested there’s something wrong with my son?

[user1493889010]

Sorry this is probably a really superficial post but I am deeply hurt by a comment made by someone who is friends with me on my private social media account (someone I used to attend college with). I uploaded a collage of my baby son and amongst all the usual, lovely expected comments he posted:

‘Is something wrong with your son?’

After asking why they then commented:

‘Your son's eyes bulge like a child with Down's Syndrome.’

I replied saying there was nothing wrong with my son that he was healthy and happy and that his comment was rude and he replied:

‘Sorry, but that's why I asked if anything was wrong. Why would I pick on your son?
The fact is he looks like he has bulging eyes. That's why I asked whether anything was wrong whether it be Down's Syndrome or something else. I'm not a doctor so don't expect me to get the diagnosis correct from a few photos if there was something wrong.
Your eyes and your baby's eyes are very different. I don't know if it's just because he is a baby, not having any children of my own. But that isn't something I noticed in my neices and nephews when they were babies. Paediatricians must have a hard job dealing with parents who have something wrong with their child, but can’t admit it. Sorry’

Something that was intended to be such a positive experience sharing pictures of my son with my friends and family has turned out to be so negative. Why would he say this? Does my baby look like there’s something wrong with him? I feel very hurt and confused.

Here’s the collage I posted I have just added a picture in the middle of my eyes because of his comment about my eyes and my sons eyes.

Post edited by MNHQ to remove image as requested by OP

Hi OP - I agree with a PP that sometimes premature babies have a certain "look" - but this is often something that goes with age. When I saw the photo of your baby he didn't strike me as being different to any other baby.

Please don't worry, you know your baby is ok.

@RazzlePuff

Strictly FYI: In the pediatric world there is phrase the MDs use when they think that based on appearance that something may be of concern- the phrase is FLK. Funny Looking Kid. Facial appearance is an indicator of some genetic differences and in fact, computer facial software are used as a diagnostic tool.

What?? No! That is absolute bulshit! MN please delete this message, it is completely untrue, this poster is spreading lies

OP I am absolutely gutted that some gimp spoke about your son like that. I am boiling mad here for you. I am just sorry I didn't get to see a pic of your little man because I bet he is adorable. Delighted you blocked Bell End Head.

I’m glad your child is healthy and well! Thank you for sharing. Did your child’s eyes stay puffy? Or didn’t they change with age?

That’s so kind thank you so much

How can you delete or report messages?

Thank you so much

Honestly this is unbelievable! I have a younger, disabled brother and I always remember my mum would be so upset when people spoke about there being 'something wrong with him' or him not being 'normal'. It's vile and unnecessary. What if your son actually did have some kind of health condition impacting him, what an insensitive comment to make publicly. I'm so sorry for you that this happened.

This is partly why I went through my social media when my baby was born and cleared out anyone who wasn't an actual friend or family member, I got rid of anyone who I wouldn't imagine coming round to see me and baby. I know you have blocked this person but it may be worth reviewing your friends list anyway.

I didn't see the picture of your son but i'm sure he is beautiful, and if there genuinely were concerns of a health issue the likelihood is it would have been raised by an actual professional so try not to take these comments to heart!

Even non-doctors can 'spot' illnesses/conditions sometimes eg the lady who can smell Parkinsons

There is a an actual medical explanation for the possibility that that woman can 'smell' Parkinson's. It's not some sort of psychic ability.

There is no medical explanation for a pipeline engineer to be able to instinctively diagnose Down's syndrome from a photo of a baby on the grounds that 'his eyes look bulgy'. He has no medical training and no experience with Down's syndrome, or even with babies. He literally just said 'his eyes don't look like my nieces and nephews'. That isn't a special ability he's got, there. He's not some kind of disease-detection sniffer dog. He's just a twat.

@GreyTS, sorry but the term FLK is well known in medical circles, not just paediatrics. I haven’t heard it in ages, but anyone who graduated from med school more than 10 years ago would know exactly what it meant.

There’s nothing wrong with your son and nothing ‘wrong’ with children who have Down Syndrome.

Your friend is incredibly rude.

@user1493889010, in my DC's case, the eyes gradually got less puffy as they got older and probably as their face filled out a bit. When they are tired/asleep I can still see that same shape a little bit and it makes me melt because it reminds me of how small and vulnerable they were. They were and still are absolutely gorgeous as I'm sure your son is too.

@PierresPotato

Some people are very weird. Put this guy in that category. Plus he is the rude enough to share his odd thoughts, then arrogant enough to defend that by comparing himself to a highly trained professional. Gobsmacking arrogance.

Ahh, to have the confidence of a mediocre man.

Perhaps it's your "friend" who has special needs and is just projecting.

Please ignore their comments.

Thank you so much for sharing and your kind reply. I am literally doing this now. Going through my friends list and only keeping close family and friends.

People are gutted, horrified, etc, etc. seriously people get a grip.

Yes, too many things are categorised as incredibly rude. Unless it’s wrapped in a pretty bow and it’s something your ears like to hear, it’s rude. Life is too short to make a big issue of such things. Gutted, rage, etc. how do some of you cope?

As for all this “FFS” start to a response; now that’s rude and uncouth.

OP, enjoy your son and may he be blessed with good health. There’ll be a lot to worry about along the way and stressing over a comment made by someone is unnecessary. If you don’t think there is an issue and there’s nothing that’s flagged so far, that’s what matters.

On mumsnet, the smallest of things evoke wild and extreme emotions.

I think it’s a normal human reaction to be upset or hurt if someone makes rude comments about your child. The person you love most in the world.

I’ve had lots to worry about already with him being premature. That doesn’t negate the fact that someone’s comments were hurtful.

I think most people would feel the same way I do. I feel like your latest comment is minimising. Words hurt people feelings there’s no point in pretending they don’t.

I would reply
“Is there something wrong with you?”

That’s so lovely. I’m glad you’re children are well. Lots of love to you and your family

Sorry your*

If you saw a photo of a baby on a friends social media and you honestly thought that the baby might have some kind of genetic disorder and for whatever reason you were keen to know what it might be but hadn’t seen anything written commenting on the infants health wouldn’t you just follow suit by commenting the same as everyone else (Congratulations etc) and wait and see if there is an update that mentions a diagnosis or health concern?

To be so direct in voicing your opinion over what clearly would be a very sensitive matter in such an uncaring manner is crass beyond belief and if they were not being malicious it denotes some kind of impairment of their mind as to why they have no boundaries at being so outspoken.

Thank you so much for this comment it’s brilliant!