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Original poster

Would you leave your 8 year old DS in the library reading while you went to the shop?

251 replies

LittleSleighBellasRinging · 30/12/2007 17:41

This was the dilemma which faced me yesterday. I needed to go and get some milk because we were running out, he really didn't want to come and suggested that I leave him in the library reading. He insisted he wouldn't talk to any strangers, he wouldn't go off with anyone, and he wouldn't leave the building unless it was a fire alarm and he stayed with the library workers.

I considered it very very seriously and nearly let him, but in the end I was too scared. Was I wrong? I think I probably was, I think at 8 years old he is old enough to be left in that kind of environment, but I just couldn't bring myself to cut the apron strings. I would have been about twenty minutes to half an hour.

So. Am I a responsible parent or a suffocating neurotic risk-averse idiot? When and how should I allow him to do this? What do you think?

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chocolatespiders · 30/12/2007 17:43

i wouldnt have at that age...

the chances of anything happening are so slim. but i would have been also worried about something happening to me and not being able to return to get him, but i am a worrier!!!

yurt1 · 30/12/2007 17:45

Would depend on the child. My Mum used to leave me at that age.

donnie · 30/12/2007 17:45

no I wouldn't - not for half an hour. If it had been 5 mins then probably but in the end it just ain't worth the risk....

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TheOriginalXENA · 30/12/2007 17:46

yes I think at 8 he would be fine. We are in a small rural town and the school activly encourage independence when they reach junior age.

VictorianSqualor · 30/12/2007 17:47

Not for half an hour, for ten minutes I'd leave my DD(7), but then I know she'd just sit and read and probably not even notice when I left or got back.

southeastastra · 30/12/2007 17:47

yes, if he was responsible

TurkeyLurkey · 30/12/2007 17:48

I think it would depend on what sort of Library it was. We have a tiny one in our town where I possibly would consider leaving an 8 year old for 20 mins. However, the one in the city nearby is much bigger and would worry me more (irrational I know as things happen/weirdos wonder about everywhere).

MerlinsBeard · 30/12/2007 17:49

depends on the child and their level of maturity. If it was only a few mins (ie shop next door) and i knew that the minute my back was turned would not result in a mass page ripping/arson/other 8 yo boy related things (i have dodgy cousins ) then i prob would

Original poster
LittleSleighBellasRinging · 30/12/2007 17:59

LOL he's very responsible and I know he wouldn't run amok - he's also extremely cautious so I know he wouldn't take unnecessary risks. I feel a bit guilty that I'm denying him the self-esteem boost that being given responsibility and lack of adult supervision gives and I remember that at his age, I was allowed to stay in the library by myself and my mother was so ridiculously over-protective that she wouldn't buy us bikes in case we fell off them. And yet here I am being more over-protective than she was. And yet... I just don't want to leave him alone in a public place just yet. Although I suppose being in a library is probably just about the best starting place for trying out unsupervised independence.

OP posts:
SueW · 30/12/2007 18:10

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This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at OP's request.

AudreyII · 30/12/2007 18:11

Please don't think that libraries are 'safe' places - they attract more oddballs than most other public places, they're free warm and you can stay as long as you like...of course I'm not suggesting all oddballs are a threat, but they do tend to congregate at the library...

ProfessorGrammaticus · 30/12/2007 18:13

I've done that for 10mins with an 8 yr old who is old for his years - not sure I will do the same with DS2 when the time comes. But they have to get public transport to school at 11 - you have to start somewhere, I think!

bobsyouruncle · 30/12/2007 18:19

I worked in a library where people did this and tbh it horrified us staff! We just weren't able to keep an eye on them, but would have felt very guilty if anything had happened to them. We put a sign up in the end telling parents not to leave the building when their children were still there.

bobsyouruncle · 30/12/2007 18:21

Have to agree with AudreyII...

LittleBellasRingingOutTheOld · 30/12/2007 18:31

Yes part of my decision not to let DS stay, was that I thought the library workers might think I was dumping him on them to look after.

But at what age would you allow it then? I think that our children are not given enough independence and I don't want to be in a situation in 3 years time, where he has never been in a public place unsupervised and he has to start going to school every day by himself. I strongly believe that there should be a gradual build-up. But at what age does that start, and how? (We've also had the argument about him being allowed to sit in the car reading while I go shopping, which I still won't allow.)

ibroughtxmascake · 30/12/2007 18:34

I know that our library has signs up stating that they have child protection policies and that children under the age of 7 are not to be left alone at any time in the library.

TBH I don't think I would

VictorianSqualor · 30/12/2007 18:37

The fact that that library says under 7 would mean to me that it was acceptable there, but obviously not all libraries are the same.
I think as I allow my DD to go to the shop, which takes her about ten minutes, then I would also allow her to wait somewhere for ten minutes.

hatrick · 30/12/2007 18:38

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Alambil · 30/12/2007 19:04

You could start by leaving him in the kid section or wherever he is and going to another section - half out of sight and then out of sight for a few mins when you are confident enough.

I don't think you are quashing any self-esteem. He can get that from other areas; can he play in a park or some other such place with supervision from afar? Even things like that will help his confidence (and yours!)

I think you made the right decision

FrannyandZooey · 30/12/2007 19:05

yes I would

the library obviosuly think it is ok as there is a sign saying "do not leave children under 7 here alone"

I thinki it is fine

going to read thread now

Tinker · 30/12/2007 19:06

Depends on child but, yes, I think I would have done. There may be oddballs but can anything really bad happen?

FioFio · 30/12/2007 19:07

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dooley1 · 30/12/2007 19:09

definitely not at that age
we have all sorts of people come into our library
drunks, drug users etc, menatally unstable - people who just do not have anywhere else to go in the day
guess it depends where you live

FrannyandZooey · 30/12/2007 19:09

LittleBella what exactly are you worried might happen? Be as specific as possible. I am sure you and he could plan some strategies so that you could feel comfortable about leaving him in safe places for short periods. I entirely agree with you about the self esteem boost and the gradual build up to being independent when older. I think you can move towards letting him have this freedom now, at a rate that allows you to feel comfortable.

darlink · 30/12/2007 19:10

yes, fine in our town library