Would you leave your 8 year old DS in the library reading while you went to the shop?

[LittleSleighBellasRinging]

This was the dilemma which faced me yesterday. I needed to go and get some milk because we were running out, he really didn't want to come and suggested that I leave him in the library reading. He insisted he wouldn't talk to any strangers, he wouldn't go off with anyone, and he wouldn't leave the building unless it was a fire alarm and he stayed with the library workers.

I considered it very very seriously and nearly let him, but in the end I was too scared. Was I wrong? I think I probably was, I think at 8 years old he is old enough to be left in that kind of environment, but I just couldn't bring myself to cut the apron strings. I would have been about twenty minutes to half an hour.

So. Am I a responsible parent or a suffocating neurotic risk-averse idiot? When and how should I allow him to do this? What do you think?

hunkermunker - as I'm sure you're well aware you were just being helpful and had no responsibility whatsoever for other adults. I'm off to bed now.

Good point Hunker. I wouldn't expect a librarian to be any more responsible for my child than they are for me in the event of a fire or a personal attack.

I think a reception at work is different from a library with a children's section though, as regards places for 8yos.

And I think that someone somewhere would've sued us had we not called ambulances for the OAPs who needed them.

I really must get to bed. Feel I'm arguing on the wrong side in a way as I really agree with children being independant - I don't feel that the risk of a paedophile attacking my child is any more likely than it was when I was a child. The stomach stroking wasn't in itself a big issue and we didn't make a big deal of it. ALL I was trying to say was that the only place I've felt that my DD was at risk of any kind of incident was in the LIBRARY. If the OP had said the local coffee shop even, it wouldn't even have caught my eye.

I can just see the police being THRILLED at being called out to sit and look at a perfectly capable 8 year old boy.

It's a library, not a crack den. It's as safe as a supermarket, surely, and I don't think of Tesco as a hotbed or illicit perversion.

I don't understand the library/work reception analogy. The public are expected to hang around in libraries but not in office receptions.

Maybe we should start another thread with 'Where would you leave your 8yr-old?' and people could rate their choices with inlaws at the top, crack den at the bottom, and library, er, somewhere in the middle....

Well I am pretty sure he would have been okay but I still wouldn't have left him.

I think alot depends on the maturity of the child but I think 8 is just that bit too young.

I think your natural instincts tell you when the time is right.

Just woke up to see Colditz's pervy peedo post

Probably wouldn't leave my 8yo in a library, not because she wouldn't be fine, but because I would be worried about other people judging me.

Would leave 8yo home alone though for short periods, which is actually probably less safe than being in a library.

I would leave a responsible eight year old reading in a library for up to 20 minutes or so.

Very sensible OP nicely weighing up the decision she had to make - I'd have been very tempted to leave him under the circs, it was his own suggestion and clearly he's asensible lad if he wants to be left in a library, reading!

I hadn't considered though that the library staff would be responsible for him, which rather puts a different light on it - would OP have been ticked off on her return for leaving him, even if nothing had gone wrong?

Slightly off-topic, but my own experience is in line with the research that most children are molested by someone known to them, rather than a stranger: I was of necessity a very independent child at 8 (I didn't particularly want to be - chronically sick parents) was doing the family shop at a local grocer's at that age, and spent hours in the library, reading everything, including the most unsuitable books I could find I never came to any harm either out on shopping trips, playing in the streets or in the library (which I considered a second home) - but on two occasions when I was spending the afternoon with a long-time friend her grandad took me into the garden shed, exposed himself to me and touched me inside my knickers - I told my friend's mum on the second occasion (agony to tell!) and she said 'Oh, you don't want to take any notice of old Grandad, he means no harm' and that was that.

I think my instincts tell me that the time is right. But I'm too afraid to do it, precisely because of other people judging and also the insane paedophile/ alien/ zombie / fire fears.

I don't understand why a librarian would have a duty of care for a child in a library. I used to go to the library all the time from the age of 7 onwards and stay for an hour or so. Has the law on duty of care changed since then? Have there been test cases?

Good point about leaving them at home for 20 minutes at that age - I'd do that quite happily, but accidents in the home are more likely to happen than in a public library.

I think your advice is good Franny and DS is complaining now about having run out of Asterix books, so I'm going to take him down to the library and let him go in by himself while I and DD stay out in the car and wait for him (we're on our way somewhere else and in a hurry). First step!

Our local library regularly has organised children's activities where parents are told they may leave kids 8+ unaccompanied.
Funny enough, I am taking 3 DC, including DS (8) to library -- it's a separate children's library section/room of a small city library. DS can't get as much time in there as he'd like because of other small (rambunctious) DC with me. Not sure about leaving him alone in there today, but maybe in the near future...

there are many factors one ha to cnsider

is your child capable of readin for half an hour without generally causing havoc?

o you liv in an area that you consider to be generally safe~? one would assume the decision would change depending on miss marple village and hackney?

is it fair to the staff should something happen? - this is a fair point - a diferent point but a fair one. if yougo to shop for half an hour and some other kid comes in and kicks your son in the shins, if your son desperately needs the loo all of a sudden, if you are at the supermarket and you re stuck behind that fucking twat with all the 5p coupons and what seemedlike the shortest queue is now taking more time than you anticipated..etc...etc - the upshot is that the librarian then becomes involved with your child when they arn't being paid for that duty - if they were then fair enough but i doubt that keeping an eye on other peoples kids whilst the pop to the shops is in their job description - even if they are right fucked about it themselves.

then there is the point of cutting the apron strings. and i think some people have said that considering the points above, they chose not to do their snipping of strings at their local library - whereas others all things considered think its fine.

on a personal note i live in a small seaside town. there is a SPAR not far from my local library and considering the location of the library and the safety of my dd - i may have popped to the shop.

i wouldnt however ever let my youngest ds alone in a library for the safety of oher library users

i also think its prudent to mention that i loved colditz post very well written and funny and i think that if your chil was good, the location was right and the likleyhood of 5p coupon twatheads is low but you decide not to becuase of fear or dirty peedos then in itself that is a misguided reason stifling the growth of the child - if the other factors were ok

we each cannot say how the other would or should react this is a very personal thing depending on the maturity of the child how well behaved it is, location of library , location of library vis a vis the shop etc etc one cannot possibly say that another parent is right or wrong in this situation - only that from your experiences in your town with your child it would be fine ...or not

I suppose I should add, in the interests of honesty, that I live in Ruralton, just off Bucolic junction. But I have spent time in Stoke city centre library, and found it perfectly pleasant. Homeless people generally go to libraries because they are warm places with things to read and do, not to salivate over eight year olds

in our library it is warm and attracts homeless people for that reason.
However unfortunautely the majority of them are under the influence of alcohol.

It depends on the child and the library but I can remember spending unaccompanied hours in our children's library when I was 8 or so, and I wouldn't want to deprive my DCs of that pleasure. Especially since libraries are generally so much nicer and child-friendly now (I take the point about 'weirdos' but there surely aren't more of them about now than there were then?)

Message withdrawn

Innafull- that's shocking about your friend's grandfather and your mother's reaction- I wonder what the grandfather was like to your friend?

people who are too drunk to use the library should be asked to leave surely rather than eight year old boys re dooleys post about under the influence

and if all these dubious weirdos with mentalhealth issues are always there surely that either means they are odd but ok or the staff should ban them for loitering with mal intent

I think it is definately down to the individual- I live in a smallish town with a lovely little library- generally empty except for about 10 librarians and 5 old ladies. If my ds (at the moment nearly 7 and hyper in the average 7 year old style) at 8 was trustworthy enough then I would happily leave him for 10 minutes to pop to the newsagents 3 shops down. I may even leave him there while I went to the doctors (across the road).

However in our nearest big town there is a massive library and there is no way in the world that I would leave him in the library by himself- I would be uncomfortable about leaving him in the childs section!

Isnt it all about doing what you feel comfortable with? Knowing your children, knowing your area, knocwing the risks. Littlesleighbells- you did the right thing because that is what you felt comfortable with.

It is for the library staff to ensure that the library is a safe, unthreatening place for all its users and if people are behaving inappropriately they must be told to leave or the police called immediately. It is outrageous that we, as loving, concerned, responsible mothers would not feel that our eight year old could be allowed to sit in the children's library for a short period whilst we went to a local shop. It is absolutely outrageous and we might as well give up now if this is the childhood we're prepared to accept for our children. So there.

Hi again.
Yesterday I posted regarding this topic as I work in a library.
I work in a big city centre library and we do have people with mental health issues, drug and alcohol issues who use the library alot (most of the time they keep themselves to themselves but there have been quite a few times when they have been verbally abusive and have even attacked a member of staff because they were high/drunk or angry). As I said yesterday sometimes these people can react in a way that may same strange or frightening for an adult let alone a child.
I think it depends on the size of the library, area and whether you feel comfortable leaving your child.
On the question of library staff being held responsible for looking after (keeping an eye on) children in the junior library.
I think a few of you would be quite surprised to know that where I work staff are not CRB checked (although this is about to change) Would you leave your child in nursery care etc knowing that the staff had not been checked?

Janni we do often have to call the police. Believe me we do try very hard to make our library as safe as possible and most of the time it is.