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Original poster

Would you leave your 8 year old DS in the library reading while you went to the shop?

251 replies

LittleSleighBellasRinging · 30/12/2007 17:41

This was the dilemma which faced me yesterday. I needed to go and get some milk because we were running out, he really didn't want to come and suggested that I leave him in the library reading. He insisted he wouldn't talk to any strangers, he wouldn't go off with anyone, and he wouldn't leave the building unless it was a fire alarm and he stayed with the library workers.

I considered it very very seriously and nearly let him, but in the end I was too scared. Was I wrong? I think I probably was, I think at 8 years old he is old enough to be left in that kind of environment, but I just couldn't bring myself to cut the apron strings. I would have been about twenty minutes to half an hour.

So. Am I a responsible parent or a suffocating neurotic risk-averse idiot? When and how should I allow him to do this? What do you think?

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PaulaYatesbiggestfan · 31/12/2007 00:20
fortyplus · 31/12/2007 00:21

Pathetic post, colditz

fortyplus · 31/12/2007 00:23

PaulaYatesbiggestfan Our Big Issue seller is great - when I'm with my 2 in the town they always ask if we can say hello to my 'friend'!

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MUMOFDJandP · 31/12/2007 00:23

def teach them not to be afraid of the wierdo stranger but to be cautious of all strangers as nice as they seem...

but peronally I dont think its worth taking the risk with your kids at this young age and especially a child on their own, only takes a second for something to happen... Im happy to be disagreed with though

highly unlikely anything will happen but the poss it might would outweigh all the aforementioned pros of leaving the child IMO.

Desiderata · 31/12/2007 00:24

Colditz .... occasionally you scale the heights of fucking genius.

And to the detractors, why don't you just rip your sons' testicles off right now, and put them in dresses? Because that's what you're doing. You're emasculating them.

An average eight year old boy is more than capable of sitting in a library for twenty minutes whilst his mother is shopping.

Just what the fuck has happened to childhood???

redadmiral · 31/12/2007 00:28

I know I'm coming across like some anti-tramp facist - I hope I'm not. I'm probably a bit biased because homeless people and little children aren't always a good mix. Everyone wants to protect their children, and the issues we have had to deal with are used syringes thrown over the playground wall, human crap that everyone has walked through on the way to school, the person from the local hostel kicking and kicking my then 2 yr old's buggy and threatening my 6 year-old. They aren't big issue sellers - they are people with huge problems. Sorry to have gone off track - just don't mean to sound unsympathetic.

MrsSimpleSoups · 31/12/2007 00:30

I would have left my DCs in a library for half an hour at the age of 8.

I also used to let them have time together round town when the youngest was this age (the eldest is 2 years older).

They knew where they could go, and where the boundaries were.

They knew I was a phone call away, and yes, I tailed them secretly for the first couple of times, because I was nervous.

They weren't.

They loved investigating the various market stalls.

And taking it in turns to buy each other a drink in a cafe.

Self confidence and independence needs nurturing, not stifling with tales of faceless evil strangers.

MUMOFDJandP · 31/12/2007 00:33

But they were in a pair honey thats a diff kettle of fish isnt it?

colditz · 31/12/2007 00:33

No it wasn't pathetic, it was sarcastic. It was also borderline slapstick. But it wasn't pathetic.

Pathetic is allowing fear to completely ruin your life, and the lives of those around you.

MrsSimpleSoups · 31/12/2007 00:35

I would have left either one alone in the library.

MUMOFDJandP · 31/12/2007 00:37

Pathetic is allowing fear to completely ruin your life, and the lives of those around you.

I dont think parents not wanting to leave their children for a bit in the library at 8 are synonymous with allowing fear to ruin their lives and those around them .

Is this what you are implying? As they do not go hand in hand by any means.

Each to their own - we all parent differently not worth fighting about

pukkapatch · 31/12/2007 00:38

yes i would happily have left 8 yr old reading in the librarry.
fat chance though. he'd never be sat quietly reading.
i have left him at that age, locked in parked car outside shops whilst he happily fiddled with radio.

hunkermunker · 31/12/2007 00:39

People are basing their responses on their own local libraries. Some of which probably do have durty peedos in. It's statistical, innit.

But most won't. Again, statistical.

Most children left in libraries won't have their stomachs stroked by strange men.

Fact.

MUMOFDJandP · 31/12/2007 00:39

It would also depend on the library too ours is soooo quiet its painful so I prob could leave my ds when hes 8 as the librarians would keep an eye on him no prob im sure

Ill have to cross this bridge when I come to it

MUMOFDJandP · 31/12/2007 00:40

Thats true hunker most libraries would be fine not alot of stomoch stroking men about not unles they are beggin to be hit with a hand bag

fortyplus · 31/12/2007 00:40

My boys walked to school at 7, they were allowed to play unsupervised in our little local playground from about 5 and 6, but that's my responsibility - not leaving them where some other adult has to assume a duty of care for them. If you think it's the 'independence' issue you're totally missing the point.

colditz · 31/12/2007 00:41

No, that's not what I am implying.

Many eight year olds (I suspect ds1 included) will NOT be mature enough to leave in a library unattended.

Many will.

Should other people's fear, that of the librarians and other mothers, be allowed to ruin an innocent childhood activity if the child's own mother is perfectly happy about it?

And all this talk of "In the current climate..."

What current climate? Sex attacks on children have not risen as far as I know. Reporting of sex attacks on children has risen.

Well, sorry, but I'm not scared of reporters.

MUMOFDJandP · 31/12/2007 00:42

well put forty this is how I feel im just to naff to get my point across so well

ADDICTEDtosayingHAAAAAAAPYxmas · 31/12/2007 00:43

but that's like saying if you let your 8 year old go to the park on their own other mums at the park become responsible for them.

MUMOFDJandP · 31/12/2007 00:44

night all I have just seen the time

hunkermunker · 31/12/2007 00:44

I was sensible enough to be left at eight.

I do wonder sometimes if adults can remember what it was like to be a child. It's like they're foreign bodies sometimes, utterly alien and Not To Be Trusted.

colditz · 31/12/2007 00:44

So at what age does a librarian consider s/he does NOT have a duty of care over a child?

And is it the child's mother's fault in an unsavory character commits a crime in the library and the librarian is upset by it?

hunkermunker · 31/12/2007 00:45

I used to work in a library. We had to call ambulances on several occasions for OAPs who'd taken ill in the library.

Shouldn't be allowed, pensioners in libraries, expecting librarians to be responsible for them

fortyplus · 31/12/2007 00:46

Sex attacks haven't increased at all. There is no greater risk to a child from paedophiles than at any time in the past and it's a shame when people believe this to be so. What has changed is legal culpability. As soon as you assume any sort of responsibility for a child - even if that child is not known to you - you become legally liable for its well being. So the point I have tried to make is that the Librarians are being placed in that position without having any choice in the matter. asd I've said - where I work the reception staff would not be expected to place themselves in this position so are instructed to contact the Police.

Niecie · 31/12/2007 00:46

Ah somebody else has heard that - I was going to post that paedophilia has not markedly increased since we were children but wasn't sure of my facts. That is not a good reason for not leaving your children in a library. The risks are tiny on that score. Nothing is without risk so at some point you have to let go a bit and let your children grow up.