Would you leave your 8 year old DS in the library reading while you went to the shop?

[LittleSleighBellasRinging]

This was the dilemma which faced me yesterday. I needed to go and get some milk because we were running out, he really didn't want to come and suggested that I leave him in the library reading. He insisted he wouldn't talk to any strangers, he wouldn't go off with anyone, and he wouldn't leave the building unless it was a fire alarm and he stayed with the library workers.

I considered it very very seriously and nearly let him, but in the end I was too scared. Was I wrong? I think I probably was, I think at 8 years old he is old enough to be left in that kind of environment, but I just couldn't bring myself to cut the apron strings. I would have been about twenty minutes to half an hour.

So. Am I a responsible parent or a suffocating neurotic risk-averse idiot? When and how should I allow him to do this? What do you think?

I think I would leave DS1, but not sure about DS2. Hard to tell because they're three and two atm. But DS1 is incredibly sensible and thinks all the time.

I would've been fine to be left in the library at this age. I probably was, in fact. I spent hours in the library though, just browsing and reading.

I think you right not to leave him. I wouldn't have left him either. My nearly 7 year old is always asking me to do things saying he will be alright but I won't risk it.

I would have left him, unless he is a fool or paticulary unworldly.

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well, my oldest is only 5 so I can't comment from experience yet - but my gut instinct is that I definitely would.

No, I wouldn't. It's not fair on the library staff. I'm a librarian and I would be very concerned at being left responsible for a child I didn't know while at work. People get called away from desks, have to make phone calls, it's unlikely your child would be constantly in the desk staff's sightlines, with the best will in the world.
I agree with others it's very unlikely anything would happen to your ds, but I'm still not sure I'd do it. Does he know how to react if spoken to by a friendly stranger? What if he needed the loo while you were gone? Our library is fine, we know the staff and they know the dcs, ds would be just fine - but the loos are beyond the staffed area next to the exit, they are not always locked as they should be, I would NOT send a child there on its own even if I was in the building at the time.

under 7 means six at the oldest. Eight is not six!

I would actually. For 15 minutes or so. I was left for hours at that age, and I am only 27 so we are talking the 80s, nearly 90s

For 20 minutes, make sure the child has BEEN to the toilet, and tell them not to go again! I would expect an 8 year old to have that level of bladder control, tbh

I would have left him to go next door to get a pint of milk.

I would not have left him and got in the car to drive somewhere else.

My instinctive reaction was 'no', and TBH I'm very shcked at how many of you said yes, you would leave an 8yr old. Eihter I'm very naive about what age a child can take care of itself (mine are only 4 and nearly 2), or I'm going to be a clingy paranoid Mum (currently am very very unmaternal!).

Marina I would never presume that a child left in the library was in the care of the library staff

any more than I would presume he was in the care of the other adults present if I left him at the swings for a bit, for example

I looked after myself just fine at age eight. To be honest, I would review my opinion as my child reached eight - but from my experience of 8 year olds, most have their head screwed on enough to follow a clear instruction to 'sit there and don't move or I will never let you do this again, and if anyone touches you, SCREAM!'

I am fairly overprotective myself, but an 8 year old isn't in infant. My neighbour's child is eight and very capable.

This was the dilemma JJ - it wasn't a car ride away, but it wasn't next door either. It was about a 7 or 8 minute walk away. They have a loo there in the children's library section, so that wouldn't be an issue.

Would you consider yourself being responsible in that situation Marina? I wouldn't have expected the staff to take responsibility for him tbh. He would just have been sitting there reading.

Franny - what do I fear would happen to him? Nothing really. I suppose that he might be scared of being by himself, that a peadophile might come along and abduct him, that a fire suddenly breaks out and they have to evacuate the building and he gets run over as they all troop out, that lightning strikes the building and kills him, that the library staff see him alone and call social services and they whisk him off into care, that the sky falls on his head... I know, loads of nonsensical mad fantasies that rationally I know won't happen. But I still couldn't bring myself to leave him for 20 minutes (it would have been 20 minutes thinking about it, because I would have been so scared about him sitting there on his own).

I would. And i wouldn't expect people to watch him for me. 8 is old enough to have a bit of common sense and its a library not a pub iyswim.

I wouldn't leave an 8 year old alone unless the library staff agreed to keep an eye on him, and they wouldn't ..it'll be against H&S these days

By 11 they have more or less total freedom - go to school and back on their own etc, so at 8 you have to make some tiny steps, but I'm not sure I would leave mine (age 9) in a library for more than a few minutes.

The child themself does make a diffence though - mine have very different levels of independence.

i wouldnt,
not for half an hour.
what about if something happened to you while you were out?

What if aliens landed?

Yes, I would and I have. Ds is 8, sensible, and would have his head buried far too deep in the Asterix/Tintin section to get up to any nonsense. Much safer than eg. playing out on bikes. And I wouldn't assume that the library staff were responsible for him.

I think I let dd1 go to the library by herself when she was about 9ish (5 mins walk, one road with pelican crossing, strict instructions about when to be home by).

If you consider that most of these children will be let loose on public transport when they start secondary school aged 11, 8 seems like high time to get them used to taking responsibility for themselves for brief periods.

Yes, that was the other issue SLB. That maybe I'd get run over on the way back.

I just wonder when the right time to start allowing that modicum of independence is. I guess when he has a mobile phone and I have some kind of back up in case I get struck by lightning on the way back.

LOL Colditz, I hadn't considered the alien issue!

Also Zombies. Have no Zombie plan.

reins, are the only answer, until 11, then freedom here we come . for both parties

Not sure. DS is only 5 so not an issue yet, but kids can sometimes seem really mature and then suddenly 'crumple' if they can't see you or doesn't know where you are. Awful if he got really upset and tried to come looking for you or something - but then I'm looking from a 5yo perspective I suppose. I would at 9 though - seems much older than 8 somehow!

This thread makes me so sad. One of my most precious memories of childhood is regularly being left in the children's library while my parents went shopping, probably from about 7 onwards. I hate all this nonsense from librarians about not wanting to take responsibility for unaccompanied children. If you're a children's librarian then you should be able to relate to the children as well as the books. Get the parents to sign a disclaimer if you're that bothered and dodgy adults without children in tow shouln't be in the children's library anyway.