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Original poster

Would you leave your 8 year old DS in the library reading while you went to the shop?

251 replies

LittleSleighBellasRinging · 30/12/2007 17:41

This was the dilemma which faced me yesterday. I needed to go and get some milk because we were running out, he really didn't want to come and suggested that I leave him in the library reading. He insisted he wouldn't talk to any strangers, he wouldn't go off with anyone, and he wouldn't leave the building unless it was a fire alarm and he stayed with the library workers.

I considered it very very seriously and nearly let him, but in the end I was too scared. Was I wrong? I think I probably was, I think at 8 years old he is old enough to be left in that kind of environment, but I just couldn't bring myself to cut the apron strings. I would have been about twenty minutes to half an hour.

So. Am I a responsible parent or a suffocating neurotic risk-averse idiot? When and how should I allow him to do this? What do you think?

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ilovealancarr · 30/12/2007 23:19

OOHHH Noooo. I work in a library and we have signs up stating children aged 8 and under MUST be supervised by an adult.
tbh I wouldn't leave an older child in the library on their own.
Nice warm public libraries tend to attract people who sometimes seem quite scary to the library staff let alone a youngster!!!

Quattrocento · 30/12/2007 23:24

Hard balance tbh. You know your DS. Is he sensible? A sensible and steady 8yo? I'd probably have left him.

Last week I left my two (7&9) alone at home during the day for precisely 14 minutes.

They swore to be sensible and good, they had numerous numbers, and they know all their neighbours.

Still felt very very scarey though and I do think my two are extremely sensible.

ADDICTEDtosayingHAAAAAAAPYxmas · 30/12/2007 23:25

yes. at 8 i was walking to the library myself and reading in there for an hour or so and then coming back home.

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MorocconOil · 30/12/2007 23:28

I would leave my 8 year old DS and think he would love being given that sense of responsibility. Might do it tommorrow actually as I have some shopping to do

fortyplus · 30/12/2007 23:28

Absolutely fine from the child's point of view, but totally unfair on the Librarians. What would happen if the fire alarm went off?

I certainly wouldn't be worried that any harm would come to the child, but in today's climate it's putting an unfair burden on other adults.

Niecie · 30/12/2007 23:29

I was walking to school by myself at 7 and going to the shops for a loaf at 8 so I would hope that I would let my 7.6 y.o. stay in a library by himself for 20 minutes (library rules permitting). He wouldn't actually be doing anything but reading and my fears for him have more to do with his inability to cross roads safely rather than the freaks and weirdos.

We have quite a big library where I could wander off to the other side without him being able to see me or find me that easily. Perhaps a first step would be to leave him in the children's section whilst I went to look at something in the adult area and I could keep an eye on how he coped without him knowing he was being watched.

I am not sure if anybody has said but would you leave an 8 y.o. alone at home for 20 minutes? Maybe that is another way of fostering a little self reliance.

fortyplus · 30/12/2007 23:31

Mine walked to school at 7, but that's totally different to leaving them in a public building with no way of contacting you, with other adults effectively acting as unwitting babysitters.

southeastastra · 30/12/2007 23:32

yes it's fine

should be encoraged tbh

redadmiral · 30/12/2007 23:40

Er, is no-one listening to the librarians who are coming on here saying how many disturbed and disturbing people hang out in libraries.

I was checking some books out in mine, and turned around to find a guy stroking my 5 year-old's stomach. She was looking at books with her school friend a few meters away. They were uncomfortable, but didn't know how to deal with him because he was being 'nice'. Even being told about stranger danger doesn't really prepare them for it when it happens.

themoon66 · 30/12/2007 23:43

I would if childrens section of library was separate and well staffed.

colditz · 30/12/2007 23:44

five isn't eight.

Desiderata · 30/12/2007 23:46

It depends on the child, and/or the size of the library.

I think, at eight, if he has assured you that he won't talk to strangers, etc., then he is ready for this new phase in his life.

It's you who isn't ... and that's just called being a mum

redadmiral · 30/12/2007 23:48

That's true Colditz, but why choose a place which people who work there wouldn't recommend because of the clientele. I'm all for encouraging independance, but I think the librarians are warning against seeing libraries as particularly child safe places.

fortyplus · 30/12/2007 23:48

If someone left an 8 year old unaccompanied in the reception area of the building where I work, staff would phone the Police.

ADDICTEDtosayingHAAAAAAAPYxmas · 30/12/2007 23:53

where do you work though

MUMOFDJandP · 30/12/2007 23:54

def not too many wierdos about

fortyplus · 30/12/2007 23:56

I work for my local council so there is a reception area with books and toys for accompanied children!

Desiderata · 30/12/2007 23:58

My, how times have changed

He's eight!! He's perfectly old enough to sit in a library for twenty minutes and read a bloody book, knowing that his mother is coming back for him.

He doesn't want to go shopping. He wants to sit in the library. It's a publically funded facility in the same way that some nurseries and most schools are.

Are you saying that children should never visit the library on their own?

fortyplus · 31/12/2007 00:01

Read what the Librarians on the thread have said... it's a nice warm place for all sorts of people to hang out...

fortyplus · 31/12/2007 00:03

And I don't believe Librarians would think of themselves as responsible for childcare? When you send a child to school or nursery you assign responsibility for your child to the staff - they're officially 'in loco parentis', unlike the poor Librarian who doesn't know where the parent is or how to contact them.

MUMOFDJandP · 31/12/2007 00:06

my hubby is a teacher and he had a pupil (primary age) in the public library for an assessment and the guy on the next computer was looking at something porn-like so this is the reason I wouldnt leave my children - only takes a mo for some wierdo to do something horrid... - though I could be being over protective as my kids are young at the mo x

But I doubt I would leave them though admit its dreadfully sad that this should be the case

MUMOFDJandP · 31/12/2007 00:07

this is horrifying!!!!!!!

I was checking some books out in mine, and turned around to find a guy stroking my 5 year-old's stomach

colditz · 31/12/2007 00:11

Oh well, I might as well chop their genitals off now then, just to make sure the DURTEE PEEDOS don't get them.

"Sorry boys, no, you can't sit and look at a book in a public area, a DURTEE PEEDO might see the back of your head, become inflamed with lust, wrap you in an invisibility bubble, and drag you kicking and screaming to his car. Nobody will see this and phone the police, and you will become completely paralysed from the neck down, so you won't be able to just get up and walk off. No, I know this has never happened in living memory, but it might, Darlings, so you just snuggle down into your nice bubble wrap and eat chocolate in front of the computer, where you are nice and safe."

PaulaYatesbiggestfan · 31/12/2007 00:16

i would with my older ones when they were 8 yes

half an hour - not sure but 10-15 minutes a mature 8 year old yes. that is about the age i start seriously teaching road safety and 'making' them do things on their own. they need to learn how to be 'on their own' as well. library - 10 minutes good starting point imo

redadmiral · 31/12/2007 00:17

Public toilets are publicly funded too.

Just kidding... Not all libraries are equal. Ours is in London in an area with a very high proportion of people who are homeless, and who often have mental health issues. We use it a lot, but it's not always a very relaxing place to be for that reason. I feel very strongly that it's important not to encourage your children to be afraid of the 'weirdo stranger', for all kinds of reasons, but the library does seem to have more than its fair share!