My DHs sister has 2 kids, 3 and 8 yrs old, and we have a 4 month old and apparently have very different parenting opinions. The 3 year old is very cute and funny, but shes very obviously the favorite child of my SIL and is allowed to do whatever she wants, which is fine but not when it comes to our daughter. When we first took her round after she was born my SIL gave our daughter a bottle and just passed it to our niece to feed DD, didnt ask if it was OK and then laughed because obviously she couldn't do it properly and was disinterested so DD couldnt get the milk. Since then if we gave her a bottle her Dad feeds her or I've stuck to breastfeeding but 3 Yr old always wants to do it and tries to take the bottle from us. I take DD to another room to BF and 3 yr old wants to come with, DH keeps her out but then she tantrums and SIL and MIL say things like ok go and watch but just be quiet. She is allowed to wipe DDs bum and put cream on when they change her nappy, she asks constantly to hold her but as soon as she has her on her knee she doesnt hold her properly and DD is very wriggly atm, she almost rolled off her lap last time. I know she's only 3 so she isny old enough to do things properly but we aren't allowed to say no to her at all. She takes all DDs toys and dummies etc out of our bag and holds them by the teat, or chews her teething toys and if they visit us she moves all her stuff about (the disinfected bottles or my breastfeeding corner stuff) or goes into DDs room and rags all the toys there onto the floor and goes through all her clothes without asking. We have to hide everything before she comes (and put it all back after) which is just extra work i dont need. We're not allowed to ask her to wash her hands before she touches DD or to ask her not to get too close if she has a cold because she always wants to kiss her face which I hate anyone doing. DH has been told hes too hard on her and should let her do what she wants, but when it comes to things relating to our child shouldnt we be able to say no? I was always taught to ask before touching things that weren't mine. I dont think we're being harsh, we dont discipline her with things that arent to do with DD, and obviously a 3 yr old is nosy and wants to play, which is fine but there has to be some boundaries. Were not assholes to her, we ask nicely and explain, but if we say please don't do that, that's being too harsh!? We're starting to dread going round because we don't know how to deal with the situation now, his SIL won't accept that there's things we're not happy with her doing, but she also cried last time because she doesn't see our DD enough. Can't bloody win!