I absolutely hate being a parent

[anonforthis88]

I’m a mum to a 20 month old toddler. He’s started randomly waking up crying at around 9pm for the last week for no apparent reason - he doesn’t appear to be in any pain and if myself or DH sit with him in his room and cuddle him for an hour he eventually drops off again. I’m so stressed by life, work and just want a sodding evening to myself without having to deal with this. And yes, I know I sound like a total cow but it’s fucking hard having no break whatsoever between work, chores and a screaming child.

@anonforthis88

I think I also need to come off Instagram. I’m following so many accounts by mums/experts who are clearly far better at this parenting thing than I am and just make me feel guilty as hell.

Oh my gosh, are you like my long lost twin or something? Get off of IG, like, now! It's a load of rubbish, all made to look pretty and perfect for the sake of "likes" and "traffic". None of what you see on there and I mean NONE of it, is even close to being accurate.

You're literally torturing yourself for no reason. Get off of it. Now please.

I'm returning to this post in the morning to see how you're doing. I want you to stop all this self-hating "I'm not good enough" shit. There is nothing wrong with you. Please try and get some rest OP x

Why on earth would I want to subject myself to that all over again?

This!!! Hope you manage to get some rest soon @rocky1914 x

It's a load of rubbish, all made to look pretty and perfect for the sake of "likes" and "traffic".

Agree that some of it is, but some of it is genuine mums (friends of mine) who are far better at parenting than I am, appear to have infinite patience and would never, ever leave a child to cry for 10 minutes.

So glad I found this forum as it has helped me having a place to vent. I’m not sure I could share this with anyone in real life, due to fear of judgment!

@anonforthis88 precisely! Myself and DH separated for 9 months during the first year of DD's life too. I'm surprised our relationship even survived tbh. The weight gain, the post-natal depression, the sleep deprivation ...I'd read about all of the above online while I was pregnant. So I thought I knew it all and that I'd be fine. Wrong.

There's a saying that once you know better, do better.

I didn't know how hard it would be before I had DD.

Now that I know how hard it is, I'm going to bloody well "do better" and not have another! Like I said, don't ever let anyone make you feel bad for that decision. It's your body, your family, your life. Sod them all.

Checking in with you in the 'morrow. Hope you get a decent night's rest too. Goodnight x

I'm sure you may of tried this but I found when mine kept waking it was because they were a light sleeper and wanted to be soothed back to sleep again once awake. I put on the white noise (took a while to work out which they liked, it was down to rain (no thunder) or fan noise. Anyway that seemed to help keep them asleep, unless they were ill.

@anonforthis88

And yes, I just left him to cry for 10 minutes tonight because I couldn’t take it anymore. Then DH went in.

I’m a shit mother.

You are not a shit mum. It sounds absolutely shite. I don't look back on those days with fond memories either. Didn't have another one as I couldn't hack it. He's a teenager now and he's great. Can't get the bugger up.

You sound absolutely fried. Hope you get a wee nap and chill out time soon. X

@anonforthis88

It's a load of rubbish, all made to look pretty and perfect for the sake of "likes" and "traffic".

Agree that some of it is, but some of it is genuine mums (friends of mine) who are far better at parenting than I am, appear to have infinite patience and would never, ever leave a child to cry for 10 minutes.

🤣🤣🤣

Sorry. Forgive me because I am totally not laughing at you. I'm laughing at the fact that you actually believe this.

Tell me ...how do you know they are "better mums" than you? Based on their posts on Instagram? Based on the fact that whenever you go over to see them, they're in full make up and nice clothes with a coffee waiting for you? Nails done, hair done?

Right. Are you there once they log off of Instagram? Do they post what they're doing once all the make up is off and baby isn't latching anymore like they were earlier in the 10 seconds it took to snap the picture of them perfectly breastfeeding? Do they share their pictures of their sore bleeding nipples too?

I'm guessing they also share pictures of themselves in the middle of the night, locked in the bathroom crying on the floor because they're not only carrying the weight of having a new baby to deal with but also carrying the weight of making out to everyone that they're okay, just dandy and sailing on through this experience?

Please. Get. Off. Of. Instagram.

None of it is real. You'll see what I mean a few years from now x

Leaving a 20 month old to cry for 10 minutes is nothing. I read a post on here recently they left their baby (who I think was 8 months old if I remember correctly) to cry for 30 minutes.

Correction, scream, for 30 minutes.

THAT is wrong.

There is nothing wrong with what you did. Please try and just relax. You're not a shit mum x

There is a very good reason that plenty of mums return to work and kids go to nursery. I found my DC a bit boring and tiring until around 3 if I'm honest. To me they get better as they get older. My second was tough for 9 months but then two together means they play together and tbh you off load loads of time. An only child needs parent attention longer lol

I have very good mates who did Gina Ford and were brutal with it. They wanted an adult only eve.
I've also got good mates that co slept age 1-2 to get sleep.
M

Mine slept til 3-4am but both woke every night until about age 2.5. I gave them a bottle in cot and went back to bed. If they didn't settle (rare) I stuck them in bed with us. The suffocation risk is generally younger babies.
How warm

How warm is room ?? Could be he waking as cold? At nearly 2 that may be an issue.

@massiveblob

How warm is room ?? Could be he waking as cold? At nearly 2 that may be an issue.

And put them in warm socks when sleeping. I do think it helps with my nearly 2 year old.... 😬

@TheFormerMrsPugwash I wish my second child got the memo to be a better keep than my first 😵‍💫

Currently breaking the cycle of running in straight away in worry it'll wake his sibling. #breakingahabitisthehardpart

[quote LiG123]@TheFormerMrsPugwash I wish my second child got the memo to be a better keep than my first 😵‍💫

Currently breaking the cycle of running in straight away in worry it'll wake his sibling. #breakingahabitisthehardpart [/quote]
Oh dear - I didn't mean that every single second or subsequent child was bound to be a better sleeper than a first. My point was more that the OP would be kind of forced to be a 'bad mother' if she had more than one child, because there's always a point at which at least one child's needs aren't being met instantly if you have more than one. I was trying to tell the OP that she is not a bad mother for leaving her DC to cry for 10 minutes!

@anonforthis88 absolutely do come off social media. It wasn't around when my children were little, thank God. It appears to have been invented to make people feel rubbish.

Sorry I've tried to read most of the thread, but may have missed some bits.

From what I can see your ds was a relatively good sleeper until quite recently. You say he goes back to sleep when he is held by either you or your DH.

It may not be the case at all, but my ds was about that age when his ears first started causing him pain due to glue ear, but it was deep in his ear and not visible at first, unknown to us the pressure is apparently more painful when flat, hence why he would only fall asleep on us. Once we knew this we raised the head end of his cot bed and it didn't mean a decent night every night but it definitely helped.

With our younger ds when he went through a bad patch we had to do the gradual retreat approach, I know you feel tired and overwhelmed and hate the idea of trying something, but 2 weeks of a consistent approach to get our evenings back was definitely worthwhile.

Haven't read all the messages but I totally get this. You are working and you are sleep deprived, it's like torture. This stage can be miserable and that's one of the reasons I only have one. I didn't enjoy it all even though I love my DS fiercly.

At 8 and half months he was still waking up 3 or 4 times in the night wanting to be breastfed back to sleep. It nearly tipped me over the edge. I did sleep training and it was like a miracle....

• Go in every 2 mins and soothe - do not pick up, just stroke on face and speak softly. Leave the room. Go in 2 mins later.
• Add on a minute each time before going back in.
• Eventually they get it. They know you are there and they are being soothed regularly but they will go back to sleep.

It took 3 nights and then he slept through the night for 12 hours after that. He is 17 now and can sleep for 12-14 hours

@pansiesareyellow

Haven't read all the messages but I totally get this. You are working and you are sleep deprived, it's like torture. This stage can be miserable and that's one of the reasons I only have one. I didn't enjoy it all even though I love my DS fiercly.

At 8 and half months he was still waking up 3 or 4 times in the night wanting to be breastfed back to sleep. It nearly tipped me over the edge. I did sleep training and it was like a miracle....

• Go in every 2 mins and soothe - do not pick up, just stroke on face and speak softly. Leave the room. Go in 2 mins later.
• Add on a minute each time before going back in.
• Eventually they get it. They know you are there and they are being soothed regularly but they will go back to sleep.

It took 3 nights and then he slept through the night for 12 hours after that. He is 17 now and can sleep for 12-14 hours

I did nearly exactly this at 8 months too. It worked.

@anonforthis88

I think I also need to come off Instagram. I’m following so many accounts by mums/experts who are clearly far better at this parenting thing than I am and just make me feel guilty as hell.

I have been so much happier since deleting Facebook and IG. Can’t recommend enough.

@TheFormerMrsPugwash I completely agree I was only joking as mine was being a pickle when I read your comment it made me lol. I'm determined to break my bad habit cycle by doing exactly that. 😵‍💫

@dlizzie
That is such a horrible, judgy, offensive, awful message. I have to assume you're not a mother yourself. Simply dreadful.

Op don't even read dlizzie's post above this one. You will get nothing out of it. My toes curled

Wait I can't leave it there.

When I hear a mother is exhausted, fed up, at the end of her tether, and asking for advice - this tells me that she's a caring mum who has been working hard to care for her children, dedicating too much time to them if anything. That's what this thread is full of. Not "equally terrible mothers" ffs @DLizzie your comment was so astonishingly hurtful but also totally idiotic and incorrect.

@DLizzie do you need any help getting down from your high horse?