Do people really judge you for formula feeding?

[solbunny]

I have a beautiful seven week old baby. We had a really hard time in the first six weeks with breastfeeding. I went in assuming that it was just a given that I would breastfeed, I never considered formula purely because I guess I just assumed breastfeeding was kind of the default!

However, we did have an incredibly rough time of it. There was a combination of loads of things including a missed tongue tie, allergies, big boobs and flat nipples, and a baby who just generally did not want to latch properly and was losing weight. In the end my mental health was so incredibly bad and the poor state of my nipples genuinely shocked my health visitor who said they were some of the worst she'd seen. One of them got infected, too, which was a treat. Anyway, at six weeks after spending hundreds on a tongue tie division and seeing three different lactation consultants, I decided to move to formula. I looked into sibling studies and antibody studies and although I did so want to breastfeed, I felt happy with my choice. My mental health improved so much and my baby immediately began to become alert and smiley now that he wasn't having to exhaust himself all day every day just to get enough milk to barely sustain his weight.

I had never had any negative feelings towards formula feeding. My extended family all have done a mixture of breast and bottle, some with one child bottle fed and the next breastfed etc. so I have never really come across the idea of judgement for formula feeding. It didn't even cross my mind!

However, I've seen over the last few days, on places like TikTok, people sharing experiences where mums at playgroups haven't wanted to be friends with them because they formula feed. I've also seen people say they've had negative comments in public. My mind is blown by this and I feel pretty rubbish about the idea that someone will judge the way I feed my baby.

So I want honest answers - have you experienced negatively or judgement from other mums or random members of the public for bottle feeding? What happened?

I'd rather know the reality so that I can prepare myself for it. I'm too fragile to experience this sort of thing right now. It will be better for my mental health to ensure I always feed him in private than get bad comments from people

@LimpLettice

I've never seen a BFer insinuate that. Most have had teething problems themselves, some have persevered through bloody hell to continue and are not inclined to bitch at other women in the same boat. Fed is not best, it's crucial. All babies need to be fed. How that is done is a matter for each woman to decide for herself, but the constant sneering at BFers does get wearing. Breastapo, lentil knitters, there is no biological advantage, it's all for mums benefit, it's perverse, blah blah blah. If it was the other way round, rates would be better. They aren't crap because BF is impossible, it's attitudes and support.

I've seen it, a lot. Online, not in real life.

But it goes the other way. How anyone can suggest BF has no extra benefit is beyond me, but it's 2022 and choice is everything. I firmly support every woman in every choice about her own body and that includes feeding methods.

It might grate, to hear that benefit, I'm sure it would me in that situation but it doesn't mean we can't praise BF or that women should be denigrating what is after all the biological norm. I dare say online is worse, but I don't see it in here, and let's face it, the things that get said about women on the internet are generally pretty fucking awful whatever they are about.

It's back to the same thing. If BFers were the ones leading the way in judging other mums then rates would be better. BF HAS been belittled and reduced for decades.

www.moms.com/formula-is-just-as-good-as-breast-milk/

It’s the same as any topic - you can easily find articles for and against anything and everything

When breastfeeding proponents state as a matter of fact that breast milk is superior, it puts women who can't or don't want to breastfeed under enormous pressure. Having looked into the matter, I see next to nothing to back up the claim that breastmilk is superior. Therefore I don't know why it's wrong to point this out.

@LimpLettice

But it goes the other way. How anyone can suggest BF has no extra benefit is beyond me, but it's 2022 and choice is everything. I firmly support every woman in every choice about her own body and that includes feeding methods.

It might grate, to hear that benefit, I'm sure it would me in that situation but it doesn't mean we can't praise BF or that women should be denigrating what is after all the biological norm. I dare say online is worse, but I don't see it in here, and let's face it, the things that get said about women on the internet are generally pretty fucking awful whatever they are about.

It's back to the same thing. If BFers were the ones leading the way in judging other mums then rates would be better. BF HAS been belittled and reduced for decades.

But the only way we can currently compare bf and ff children and remove other factors as far as possible is observational sibling studies. These studies do not show significant or any particular benefits of breastfeeding. The clearest benefits we have are the reduced cancer risk to the mum and reduced risk of ear infections as an infant. Any other research we could do would either be deemed unethical or would include confounding factors. Breastmilk is clearly optimal for human infants as it is biologically designed for them but it isn’t belittling to breastfeeding to conclude that there are no significant long term benefits from our current evidence base. Breastfeeding is great and ideally everyone who wanted to would breastfeed their children as long as possible. Formula is also great and has allowed science to step in where it is wanted or needed. I don’t see how any of that is belittling. I think it’s amazing.

And there it is.

I was diagnosed as coeliac recently, and my GP told me it may have been caused by not being breastfed as a baby. The NHS website backs this up. I can't understand how anyone can say breastfeeding doesn't have a long-term impact, given that I, in my thirties, am possibly still being affected by my mother's decision.

Really? I breastfed my coeliac ds until he was 3 years old. Although he wasn't diagnosed until he was 8.

I was breastfed until over 12 months and am coeliac

@LimpLettice

And there it is.

Sure, screw science. What has it ever done for us anyway. Alternatively I’m still breastfeeding my second child, first was ff. I guess we could meet back in 18 years and see which one is the ‘superior’ child.

@Parker231 bfers don’t insinuate that though.. if someone who breastfeeds says ‘I’m doing the best for my baby’ that doesn’t mean anything about anyone else’s decision. It doesn’t mean that I am not doing the best for my baby by formula feeding. Both are not mutually exclusive. Breast milk is optimum but breastfeeding may not be. I’ve can celebrate mothers who choose to breastfeed and then make different decisions ourselves. I also cheer on the rugby team without picking up a ball in my life.

@Teacupsandtrainers

@Parker231

www.moms.com/formula-is-just-as-good-as-breast-milk/

It’s the same as any topic - you can easily find articles for and against anything and everything

From a comedian? Yes, I'd imagine you can...

So, OP- you see whichever feeding option you take, there’s all this so it’s a good chance to practise not giving too much of a fuck.

If people judge you for FF they are best avoided. Formula is one of the best inventions ever IMO - if it didn’t exist my DC would have starved to death. I do wish baby formula was allowed to be advertised - it’s utterly ridiculous that women in the 21st century are made to feel guilty about choosing to feed their own children a perfectly healthy alternative to breast milk.

I was diagnosed as coeliac recently, and my GP told me it may have been caused by not being breastfed as a baby. The NHS website backs this up. I can't understand how anyone can say breastfeeding doesn't have a long-term impact, given that I, in my thirties, am possibly still being affected by my mother's decision.

This post alone reminds me why I normally hide threads like these. Oh, and FWIW, I was exclusively formula-fed as a child, am not coeliac and have no allergies whatsoever!

@peasoup8

If people judge you for FF they are best avoided. Formula is one of the best inventions ever IMO - if it didn’t exist my DC would have starved to death. I do wish baby formula was allowed to be advertised - it’s utterly ridiculous that women in the 21st century are made to feel guilty about choosing to feed their own children a perfectly healthy alternative to breast milk.

There are very good reasons why it's not allowed to be advertised.

For a start, formula companies don't make it out of the kindness of their hearts. They're in it to make a profit. Even with the ban they created follow on milk as a way to advertise their brand without advertising stage 1 milk.

There was a great dispatches program that talked about this. Well worth a look for anyone formula feeding. It makes no judgement on formula feeding, but does give some information on the tactics the companies use to make us chose their brand.

[quote FTEngineerM]@Parker231 bfers don’t insinuate that though.. if someone who breastfeeds says ‘I’m doing the best for my baby’ that doesn’t mean anything about anyone else’s decision. It doesn’t mean that I am not doing the best for my baby by formula feeding. Both are not mutually exclusive. Breast milk is optimum but breastfeeding may not be. I’ve can celebrate mothers who choose to breastfeed and then make different decisions ourselves. I also cheer on the rugby team without picking up a ball in my life.[/quote]
This!

I don't judge and I don't know anyone in real life who does, at least not to my knowledge. Actually most people in my mom group formula feed. I didn't realise until I had my baby how few mothers breastfeed (here in Ireland, I think rates are higher in the UK).

I'm breastfeeding but it came very easily to me and my baby latched on brilliantly from day one. If it was painful or difficult I wouldn't have pressured myself and would have probably gone the formula route.

I chose to formula feed from the start when my son was born, much to the nurses/midwives dismay I didn't even try breastfeeding neither did I pump and honestly the only judgement I've ever felt it from nurses/doctors and myself not friends family or other mums

In hindsight I really wish I had tried but it's done now and my boy is no worse off happy healthy and a growing lad

9 times out of 10 people that judge never know the circumstances of your choices so I wouldn't let it get to you my biggest enemy has been myself but that's only because I didn't try

You sound like you've tried everything and now there's bigger things to worry about like your baby eating in the first place do what suits you balls to anyone else