How do you NEVER leave your child to cry?

[NommyChompers]

I often read on here ‘I have never left my child to cry’ but honestly how does this work in practice? Today I have an awful cold so baby was crying in rocker in the bathroom while I had a hot shower to clear my sinuses. I have IBS so occasionally she is also left to cry for ten minutes while I’m on the loo. How in reality are other parents handling these situations so the baby never cries?

Is is worth never having a long shower/loo break/never sleep training? I feel guilty but then I think why?? Why am I a bad mother for making a cuppa if they are clinging all day after jabs/washing/going to the loo?

@FTEngineerM but that doesn’t sound like you just ignored and didn’t care about the crying? That sounds like it hit you exactly like it hit me and you just did your best to cope.

My first was a difficult child, he didn’t sleep and we had huge bf issues. He didn’t cry solidly for hours like yours but I he was absolutely not a placid baby, my second child however has been a significantly easier baby.

Surely it’s a balance act, some posters ignore their crying child to vacuum, some to shower and some to have 2 minutes of brain space so they don’t throw the child out of the window. I know where I draw my line and I’m confident that the days I went without a shower, or had a pee with him in my arms were the right thing for my situation.

How can you carry on doing anything that’s not vital when the person you love most in the world is breaking their little heart crying

I still fall into this category though @Spottybotty20, I did carry on doing other things sometimes, all of the things (other than prepping bottles) could be seen as not vital.

Most mornings, my daughter (10 month old) cries whilst I get a shower. It's awful but I need to get showered! Don't feel guilty :)

I have a very cuddly 7 week old who pretty much cries whenever she's put down and have been struggling with this. I find it really stressful but have let her cry while I have a super quick shower or go to the loo, or prep bottles. I didn't when my 4yo was a baby and going days without showering really hurt my mental health. I've never taken baby to the toilet though, mainly because it doesn't seek very hygienic for them?! And I'm not sure I could work out the logistics even if I wanted to!

I have 4 kids, three of them approximately 1 year apart. I always responded to them sometimes at my expense, and I don’t regret it in the slightest. It’s the best for them, I believe. Basically my thought process was either they take the hit or me. I chose me. Some weeks I didn’t shower much or held a baby all day. Been there. But, it’s just a season. It’s over fast and I’m telling you my kids are so secure now/smart/thriving I believe it was, in part, because I practiced attachment parenting. Guys, the babies are going to cry some, but just follow your instincts, not other people’s advice. My instincts told me to pick up my baby. I have not suffered any long term consequences. It’s not that bad in retrospect, but it can be so backbreaking in the moment. The way I see it is that we used to have a village of people to help. We don’t now, and we mothers are alone a lot. So, either the baby suffers or we do (for a short time). Ideally, mom has the dad or a close relative help. Sadly, many of us mothers have no one, that is the true problem. Mom needs someone caring for her so she can care for baby. So, I think it’s more important for the baby to have their needs met because so many important physiological happenings take place the first couple of years and are dependent on a secure foundation from which to develop. They need us. The touch, knowing we are there when they call out. They are hardwired to cry out in need. It’s primal. Respond to their cries. That being said, not a mother in history has prevented her baby from ever crying.

I have no idea because I had the worst postnatal depression because mine would literally only be happy if she was latched onto someone 24/7. She would not tolerate being put down and yes if left she would cry for HOURS. She was born a couple months premature so I think that may have contributed to it. That and my massive guilt about her being born early and being so incredibly small. We tried putting her down in small intervals to see if she would eventually settle. She never did and it was an absolute nightmare. The doctor never found anything wrong with her. Physically she seemed healthy. I actually had to call the purple face number the nurses at the hospital give you because the crying drove me insane. Put her down to feed myself? Cries. Shower? Cries. Sleep? Ha! Forget it! I read all the damn books, hired a sleep professional everything, tried medication nothing helped. Eventually when she turned seven months I gave up and resorted to the cry it out method. I hated myself for it but I was literally injuring myself on accident because I was so exhausted. It worked but I felt awful. Mums online are so unforgiving about it. I hate that I had to do that. I don’t like to think about it. But she’s now a very loving very snuggly toddler and she’s very much attached so I guess she’s not permanently damaged from it or anything.