How do you NEVER leave your child to cry?

[NommyChompers]

I often read on here ‘I have never left my child to cry’ but honestly how does this work in practice? Today I have an awful cold so baby was crying in rocker in the bathroom while I had a hot shower to clear my sinuses. I have IBS so occasionally she is also left to cry for ten minutes while I’m on the loo. How in reality are other parents handling these situations so the baby never cries?

Is is worth never having a long shower/loo break/never sleep training? I feel guilty but then I think why?? Why am I a bad mother for making a cuppa if they are clinging all day after jabs/washing/going to the loo?

I only showered when she was in a good mood, which was most of the time because her life was awesome.

Thank you. I needed that laugh

I interpret this as trying to always respond as quickly as possible to your crying baby and eschewing cry it out or similar.

I tried very hard to always attend to dd when she was crying. Of course sometimes I couldn't! Driving on motorway etc.

In response to the pp who suggested that this leads to badly behaved or somehow developmentally delayed children I would say no, not at all.

DD is beautifully behaved, but I don't put that down to not leaving her to cry. We do have a very good relationship- and I do attribute that to trying to be very tuned in and responsive from birth onwards. She is 5.

I always assumed 'left to cry' referred to people actually leaving the room while their baby was crying. Not having them crying in the car with you.

I have four month old twins and it is super liberating. There is no no cry option, one of them is getting fed second.

The upshot is that they are incredibly chill. They cry for a couple of minutes, jam a thumb in or get their turn and are all smiles again. I've just let one have a bit of a chunter as he went down for the night. It's not just that I don't think it's a problem, compared to how we ran around after our older ds I honestly think it's good for them.

Mine definitely did scream in the car, and had very bad reflux and allergies which meant it was every car journey or every time she was in a pram. We used the sling as a result but for car journeys we just had to bear it. Turn the radio up and just remind ourselves it was safer than stopping on a motorway, plus she'd just scream when we put her in again anyway. We'd always have one of us in the back to check she wasn't making herself sick with it.

Bonkers, if I needed a shower or the loo I'd have one. You can't just not shower or go to the toilet or do a bit of hoovering.
Although to be fair DS was a lazy sod and once asleep stayed asleep for hours.

@Whinge

I've wondered this too OP - do they never drive on the motorway?

I was going to ask a similar thing. What do they do they do if they're driving? Sometimes it's just not possible to pull over, and some babies just really don't like the car, do their parents just never take them in the car?

We had a couple of horror trips with DD at about 6 months where it became clear that while we could take her out of the seat and calm her down, she was going to get worked up as soon as she was back in the seat. So not a motorway but given we did in fact need to get home there was quite a lot of crying. I felt awful, but there was nothing I could do.

I can't answer the OP as while DD isn't left screaming for hours sometimes, yes, she has had to wait a minute for attention!

I don't get this either, particularly for second children. In one memorable occasion when DD2 was only a few weeks old DD1 aged 2 was in bed and started crying. I went in and lay next to her and she promptly threw up all over me, just as DD2 started crying. By the time I had change and washed and also sorted a very distressed DD1 out she had been crying some time. I felt awful but the only other option would be have putting her at high risk of catching DD1's stomach bug. I don't think these sort of occasions are particularly unusual where one child has very immediate needs that overide another. I think probably before then I could have said I never left DD1 to cry (partly because she was pretty chilled anyway).

Mine genuinely never cried for more than 30 seconds. They were all bf and sticking a boob in their mouth literally always worked!😂 I always did wonder what I would have done if I couldn't bf as it was so useful in all situations! ( I used to sit in the back and sort of hang my boob over the carseat on motorway journeys🙈😂)

I have no idea. My second DC cried non stop for the first 2 years of his life. I spent those 2 years shushing, rocking, patting, talking to him, rubbing his belly, carrying him everywhere, buying sleepyheads/white noise machines/very expensive bouncers. I barely slept and nor did he. He's now 7 and amazing though. He's really placid, kind, gentle and funny, but those first 2 years nearly killed me!

It's quite interesting that a lot of these posts refer to 'my baby' and how the poster managed rather than 'with my first' or 'with my third baby', because it really is a different kettle of fish when you have both a baby and a toddler!

DS just wasn’t much of a crier, basically. I tended to shower in the evening when DH was around, and bring DS with me into the bathroom when I went to the loo (he used to lie on the change mat). Spent a lot of time in the sling, or on the activity mat while I read a book in the same room. I can’t remember what I did for food, but whatever it was it didn’t make him cry.

Thanks for replies - it’s really interesting that people really avoided driving for 2 years and showered twice weekly, etc. I honestly feel like I would have slipped into PND depression if I was bringing a baby in a sling to the toilet with me - some people clearly have mental fortitude I do not! But I’m thankful I’m not alone in being okay with DD crying in the car for 10 mins or rinsing my conditioner if she starts to cry. At the moment she doesn’t have object permenance so surely can’t even connect that it is me leaving her to cry surely? I’m deciding wether to sleep train at the mo so the answers are really interesting

I'm one who would say I don't let my babies cry. I just mean that I would respond to them when they were upset. Sometimes admittedly there isn't much you can do if you are on a motorway or if they start when you are 10 mins from home and it's better to just get them sorted there rather than change a nappy in the freezing cold by the road.

As for toilet trips I just take my baby with me and let him rummage through the bath toys or chat to him. In the shower I just put the bin out of the way and close the door there isn't much harm that can come to him in there. If he gets upset I talk and sing to him which seems to work for now.

I do have a photo of my eldest in the baby walker in the bathroom as I was showering once. Id rather baby in there happy he can see me rather than scared and wailing in a cot in the other room. I don't think it's good for babies cries not to be met wherever possible.

I have had two fairly easy going babies to be fair with no medical issues. Like someone else above me said, breastfeeding solved many a woe and I'm not sure what I would have done/do without it.

@BluebellsGreenbells

I had twins. One usually cried while I dealt with the other - hardly neglect. And NO I don’t feel guilty. Needs must.

Also have twins. Yes one has to cry whilst I sort the other out. I'm good at multi tasking but I have one pair of hands and 3 kids

Never showered 😂 don't feel bad for looking after yourself- you're the one doing it right here. I regret not taking more care of myself because that's just as important.

Are there any fathers in the world that would martyr themselves to the point of not driving/going to the loo alone for 2 years or is is just a ‘mum’ thing? My partners approach to nappy changes/getting dressed when she doesn’t want to is just to don noise cancelling headphones hahaha

Ahh OP. I literally thought you were genuinely interested. Shame it seems to have descended to ‘you parent differently to me therefore you are a martyr’. And yes actually, when DS was a baby, DH was as committed to ensuring crying was responded to. As I eluded, we rarely could stop the tears, but that wasn’t really the point. I’m guessing you haven’t had the joys of a colicky baby. I didn’t avoid driving to be precious - I literally thought I might crash the car with screaming as a background noise.

And also, nappy changes are often done to tears here too, despite me being one of those martyrs. Tears aren’t bad - id be fuming if someone pinned me down to the floor and tried to wipe my arse without my consent to be fair.

You don't. Or if you do, you're one of those martyr women who shower once a week, only eat on the go and snack on crackers and don't think they're worthy of anything for themselves once the baby is born. I find that terribly unhealthy and frankly pointless, as no baby will remember , appreciate or get an extra advantage because of it.

I don’t leave my baby to cry (obviously he cries sometimes, but I’ll always go to him and offer comfort). I don’t think this is necessary the right thing to do, but I find it impossible to listen to him crying without going to him. It’s like a physical response.

Usually I shower before DH starts work but if not, I just take him in the bathroom with me. I don’t have IBS so can’t say what I’d do in your position (or what I’ll do if I have more children and physically can’t go to both of them).

@ldontWanna

You don't. Or if you do, you're one of those martyr women who shower once a week, only eat on the go and snack on crackers and don't think they're worthy of anything for themselves once the baby is born. I find that terribly unhealthy and frankly pointless, as no baby will remember , appreciate or get an extra advantage because of it.

I’m definitely not a martyr. Just lucky enough to have a partner who does his fair share so I don’t have to choose between eating, showering, or having time to myself .

But If it makes you feel better to think all mums who parent differently to you are martyrs then crack on.

@ISaidDontLickTheBin

I always assumed 'left to cry' referred to people actually leaving the room while their baby was crying. Not having them crying in the car with you.

I did that a couple of times too. She was fed,changed and nothing obviously wrong but still screaming her little head off in my arms. She could scream safely in her cor while I got a 5 minutes breathing before i started screaming and crying too. Not that it helped much because of "phantom cries". I heard them for years even after she settled.

Not showering everyday is weird ( to me). I think I only once had to take a baby into the shower. They're normally fine in a rocker on the floor outside. But taking a

I always wonder this. I’m afraid mine had to cry, like many, I had more than one child to sort out but only one pair of hands. It’s done them no harm.