Annoyed at this message from my Sister about my child.

[Lou2284]

This is a message my sister sent me about my 7 year old DD.

"I just wanna say like I've noticed a certain someone screaming a lot more and I don't think it's appropriate especially in places like where there is mum who is tired and sick and also grandma.

I just feel like it's important to express that people scream in threatening situations and not for attention. Maybe you can take the phone from her for a day or something or send her to a room if she does it.

I dunno have you spoken to her about it yet?
Hope u don't think I'm overstepping any boundaries , just think it's important to say as an Auntie that there needs to be some discipline. Don't want them to think that screaming is an appropriate form of expression rather than using actual words..."

This message really got my back up, yes she was loud and she has started to try and assert her presence. I just found the message rude?
Interested in opinions.....

Your posts are all over the place op. First off you say she’s loud and asserting herself then you say she’s not. Make your mind up

Sounds like your sister is right, there is no need for the behaviour your sister and you originally, were describing at your child’s age unless she has additional needs.

My nephews are very loud and are of a similar age. It's very annoying. I think my dsis doesn't hear it anymore because she's used to it.

@TheOccupier

A 7 yo who has her own phone and who screams to get her own way? Yikes. Listen to your sister, she's only said what everyone else is thinking.

Yup

Sorry but your 7 year old does not need to be screaming for attention,my children are on the spectrum but I always removed them from the situation if their behaviour was affecting others.
Your sister was in a difficult position and was being as kind and tactful as possible in my opinion.

She doesnt have her own phone.
No one said she screams to get her own way.

Are people making shite up now or just not reading the thread?

Why does a 7 year old have a phone?

I’d be pissed off too, op. I don’t think the message reads as being that tactful, but perhaps I’m being over sensitive! I wouldn’t like it, does your sister have children?
My Dd, 3.5 has just started to stand at the top of the stairs and scream the last couple of months. Obviously not ideal and she’s reprimanded each time obviously, there could be all different reasons for it. I think at 7, it’s a little different though, have you asked your Dd why she’s screaming etc?

If you can't see it or explain what she's been doing then it's impossible for us to know if the behaviour is ok or not.

You need to speak to your sister.

I don’t blame her for saying something. It’s not normal behaviour and is extremely annoying for other people.

I get fed up of hearing young children screeching at the top their voices and the parents not batting an eyelid. Meanwhile all around other people are rolling their eyes and wincing.

Her message reads as being sensitive and mindful of your feelings. There’s nothing rude about it.

@HoliHormonalTigerlilly

Why does a 7 year old have a phone?

She doesn't. Read the OP's posts

OP with your sister suggesting how you can discipline, I wonder whether you usually step in when your child is behaving inappropriately, or if you let it go over your head. You said she was asserting her presence - it sounds an awful lot like pandering to her which other people will naturally have no patience for.

Fair play to your sister for saying something discreetly.

@Lou2284

This is a message my sister sent me about my 7 year old DD.

"I just wanna say like I've noticed a certain someone screaming a lot more and I don't think it's appropriate especially in places like where there is mum who is tired and sick and also grandma.

I just feel like it's important to express that people scream in threatening situations and not for attention. Maybe you can take the phone from her for a day or something or send her to a room if she does it.

I dunno have you spoken to her about it yet?
Hope u don't think I'm overstepping any boundaries , just think it's important to say as an Auntie that there needs to be some discipline. Don't want them to think that screaming is an appropriate form of expression rather than using actual words..."

This message really got my back up, yes she was loud and she has started to try and assert her presence. I just found the message rude?
Interested in opinions.....

She’s right 🤷🏽

Take the phone away and reduce the screen time.

Reading the OP I thought she was a toddler, not a 7 year old.

Yeah - I'm with the sister on this one. You get one chance to instil the behaviour you want. A young child allowed to think that screaming is ok will develop into a really unhappy older child, constantly chastised.

You know your child. If she was standing there screaming because she hadn’t got her way, then fair enough.

If her voice is a bit loud and she’s taking over conversations, then F off to your sister. There is a mentality on MN of children should be seen and not heard.... this is fairly typical 7 yr old behaviour.

Have confidence in yourself and your child. Too many children grow up learning that they are unimportant and should act like mini adults and be careful not to irritate all the time.

We live in a very childist society. More likely to experience violence and hunger if you are a child than an adult. But when we see violence agn children in the media, we turn the perpetrators into monsters. Instead we should have a long hard look at how we position children in society all the time. From the way we vote (for politicians that strip basic services that benefit children), to how we expect children to jst fit in with adults (like the responses to this threads).

A child being loud and looking for attention is perfectly typical behaviour. If this what you sister is complaining....

The message should encourage you in helping your DD use her words not frustrations anger or tears, screaming is not communicating even at 7.
Nothing rude in her message.

So your sister has noticed your DD screaming a lot more (and it seems a bit much for your DMum and grandma) but you haven't noticed your DD screaming more.

I think your DSis should have had this conversation face to face, not sent a text, but the upshot is she (and possibly other family members) finds your DDs behaviour inappropriate. Even children who don't speak up in class might scream a lot at home.

The text wasn't ideal, but I do think you need to give some thought to your DDs behaviour.

I once received a text from my mum meant for my sister talking about my kids when they were little and had been playing up. The whole situation was quite embarassing (for my mum especially!) but it made me thing about how they'd been that day and I could start sorting the issue. I was pleased I'd received the message by accident although it did sting at the time.

Hmm I think the message is interfering and overstepping a bit making suggestions about how to discipline etc. I hated people telling me to use the naughty step for example when I had a tantrummy 3yo - I had tried it, it didn’t work, I was working on it not just not giving a crap,.

BUT I cannot fecking stand screaming when kids do it to get their way or even worse, as some kind of amusement. It is one of the absolute non-negotiables for me, you do not scream indoors/in close proximity to people unless in danger/hurt etc (I can understand when running around in playpark, on a ride etc). It’s incredibly irritating / alarming / intrusive and dangerous.

So I can kind of understand a relative raising it. And if you don’t have any kind of consequences for her in general, that could be why she (clumsily) suggested them.

Honestly speaking, I have picked up on the screaming once, I have only seen her do it once. I have asked her to please give me an example because we were there on Christmas day and I just didnt see her screaming. I'm assuming that she means loud??? I really don't know. When I said in my previous post that she screams to assert her presence that was in that one incident that I mentioned above.

What did you do when you saw it?

I’m sure you’re doing your best as a mum. I wouldn’t be happy to receive advice like that either.

Parents love to think their kids are perfect angels don't they? God forbid when someone tells them the truth

Why was a 7 year old screaming? We had this with a neighbour for about a year, girl was neurotypical, but her elder sister imposed impossible to follow rules whilst playing and was in charge of her all day, they spent all day every day outside. It was intolerable. Conversely, I have thoroughly enjoyed hearing the 2 boys next door growing up, playing, laughing, but crucially, the parents stop them screaming if ever they start.

@DifferentHair

You have two separate issues:

1. your sister has massively overstepped and IMO needs to be put back in her box. You have every right to be annoyed at that sickly passive aggressive text message.

2. maybe your 7 year old needs to be more conscious of the level of her voice when she is excited.

If 2) is your greatest sin as a parent then congratulations on doing an amazing job.

I'd respond to sister 'sis, If we're all together and the level of her voice is bothering you please tell me at the time and I'll manage it. Otherwise please just enjoy her as an auntie and leave the discipline and development stuff to me. Lovely to see you at Christmas, hope to catch up soon.'

1. no she hasn't, op has not noticed an issue, and sometimes we need an outside see to see when things aren't quite right

2. you think?

Mmmm I don't know. If your sister can't gently comment about things like this then I think that's a bit problematic. I think the wording of the text is a bit dickish but the sentiment I think is fine. It must be quite annoying if she's making a point of raising it with you? When I first read this I thought you'd be speaking about a 3 year old but 7? That's old enough to know she shouldn't be screaming round the place for attention?

Might it be that you are aware of this behaviour but don't know how to manage it so feel embarrassed that someone else has picked up on it and brought it to your attention?

Remember as her parent you're probably used to and have a certain level of tolerance that others don't. Better that you nip this in the bud yourself rather than someone else say something to her.

I really don't think a child 'being loud and looking for attention' is normal behaviour.

But it explains why so many parents minimise disruptive behaviour in school.

Yes, kids can get loud and fucking annoying, but it's a parent's job to turn them into civilised little humans. As my mum always used to say:"it's not all about you".