MIL insisting on moving in to help with newborn

[whysoserious123]

Just as the title says. My MIL who is lovely and means well has moved in a few weeks ago to help me while I'm pregnant (I'm due anyday) which I did not ask for at all and she has decided she will be staying until atleast the end of January to help me with my newborn.

Now I know I sound ungrateful but the baby is our first child and she moved in with us on the day me and my husband moved to our new house a few weeks ago. We haven't had one day together in our new home before baby comes and I find myself cooped up in my bedroom while my husband and works and my MIL is downstairs with the television. She means well but it's very awkward with me being sick and sometimes having to wait for the bathroom. In the night I get up about 7 times to use the bathroom for sickness or whatever and in the morning she makes a point of how I woke her up.

The house is a mess and the other living room downstairs is out of order as she has brought a load of her things to the house and is expecting to keep it there and have it all moved for her by my husband when she is ready to leave when he should be with his newborn. I don't know how the birth will go and will feel uncomfortable dealing with the realities of post birth with her prescence . Such as breastfeeding bleeding etc ( she has said she will help me shower and has already asked if I need that help now while pregnant)

Silly other things like she turns the heating up so much last months bill was 160 pounds and it's just so much more than we are used to.

I wanted to cook lots of batches of food and freeze it for when baby comes but she has filled the freezer with her food

I feel awkward in my own home and can't think of anything worse than leaving hospital and having to come to my own home and tiptoe around my MIL.

I can't go and get a bottle of water without a 45minutes conversation or a horror story about childbirth

She is not lonely and has a husband and a family. It's not a cultural thing either we are all from and live in England.

My husband has tried to talk to her but it seems to fall on death ears.

Can someone let me know a way we can let her down gentle and let her know she is welcome whenever but me and my husband would love some space to ourselves before the baby comes and especially once baby is here and for us to learn our own way with the baby?

Start packing the car with her stuff. Subtle won't work imo.

Oh christ, she needs to fuck right off, this is hideous. Whose MIL offers to help them SHOWER

@JennyForeigner

Oh christ, she needs to fuck right off, this is hideous. Whose MIL offers to help them SHOWER

^ this

Can you threaten to move out to your parents?

Having had and recovered from twins this year, I actually posted that before I was ready 😅

Was going to say you need to sit her down with your husband and have a blunt af chat. You know she means kindly but this is not helpful. What you need is time and space with your baby. You would like MIL to go home tomorrow. And do not for a second take argument or emotional blackmail, because the alternative is to have a newborn taken out of her arms and to feel resentment about losing that time forever.

I really think subtle or hints won’t help here so you need to be as direct as possible. Do it now or you’ll end up hating her for smashing all your boundaries when the baby is here, trust me.

Your DH can't just try abs talk to her. Tell him he need to tell her to go in the morning, she can pack her stuff up tonight or you'll tell het abs your version won't be as pretty.

You're married abs about to have his baby, he needs to start prioritising how you are feeling.

Oh my god. That’s the worst! She’s your husband’s problem and I’d be telling him that she goes or you go!

This is ridiculous!! Get her out your house and take her keys back, Jesus

I agree with others, subtle and gentle won’t work.

You are being far too nice here. I can’t imagine why you let her move in in the first place. The only solution, for the sake of your own sanity, is to tell her that she needs to go home so you can have some time together with your partner before the baby arrives. She will not be happy but you must be firm. Don’t let her come back when the baby is born except for a normal daytime visit or the same thing will happen again.

You need to tell your DH to ask her to leave. Subtle clearly isn’t going to work so he needs to just be honest and state you are both capable grown ups, that you need some space to bond with baby as a couple and will manage without her help.

@JennyForeigner

Having had and recovered from twins this year, I actually posted that before I was ready 😅

Was going to say you need to sit her down with your husband and have a blunt af chat. You know she means kindly but this is not helpful. What you need is time and space with your baby. You would like MIL to go home tomorrow. And do not for a second take argument or emotional blackmail, because the alternative is to have a newborn taken out of her arms and to feel resentment about losing that time forever.

This. No pain no gain.

Oh Christ. Your husband needs to do a much better job of getting her out. Does he have a backbone? She shouldn't come away from that discussion with any misunderstanding if he's doing it right.

Fuck that shit
Maybe her DH is glad to get rid of her
.
Tell your DH straight to tell his mum to do one or you will.

Good grief why did you ever let her in? Your husband needs to send her home right now. It's your house and you need your space.

Tell her to bog off.

You need to use the next time she complains about you waking her up to tell her this arrangement isn't working and that she needs to go home. Preferably that day.

Talk to her husband? Tell him you want her to go home and ask him to help you?

Seriously? Your husband needs to speak to her and get her to move back home immediately. If it's bad now, it'll be worse when the baby is born.

If he won't get her to leave, you need to threaten to up sticks yourself!

Good god get rid of her. "I know you mean well MIL but we really want some time alone in our new home to bind with our baby. I'll help you pack"

Oh blunt and ASAP! Get her out!

How far away does she live? She wants to help but her way of helping is making you anxious and uncomfortable. So tell her what you would like. Tell her you want to have your own space as a couple+baby but that you’d love it if she’s pop in every few days (be specific. 2-3 times a week vs everyday vs once a week) with dinner so you don’t have to cook. If she’s willing to help you shower she’s probably willing to help you with laundry or vacuuming or washing dishes or whatever you think would be helpful.
When baby is born she’ll probably be up for helping however you want her to.

Seriously ask her to go now whilst you are still capable of being polite.
Trust me if you don't probably somewhere between day 3 and 5 after you have your baby you could end up murdering her.
Why on earth would you need or want help showering ?

Tell your husband that he needs to sort this NOW. He does whatever he needs to get her home within 48 hours.