MIL insisting on moving in to help with newborn

[whysoserious123]

Just as the title says. My MIL who is lovely and means well has moved in a few weeks ago to help me while I'm pregnant (I'm due anyday) which I did not ask for at all and she has decided she will be staying until atleast the end of January to help me with my newborn.

Now I know I sound ungrateful but the baby is our first child and she moved in with us on the day me and my husband moved to our new house a few weeks ago. We haven't had one day together in our new home before baby comes and I find myself cooped up in my bedroom while my husband and works and my MIL is downstairs with the television. She means well but it's very awkward with me being sick and sometimes having to wait for the bathroom. In the night I get up about 7 times to use the bathroom for sickness or whatever and in the morning she makes a point of how I woke her up.

The house is a mess and the other living room downstairs is out of order as she has brought a load of her things to the house and is expecting to keep it there and have it all moved for her by my husband when she is ready to leave when he should be with his newborn. I don't know how the birth will go and will feel uncomfortable dealing with the realities of post birth with her prescence . Such as breastfeeding bleeding etc ( she has said she will help me shower and has already asked if I need that help now while pregnant)

Silly other things like she turns the heating up so much last months bill was 160 pounds and it's just so much more than we are used to.

I wanted to cook lots of batches of food and freeze it for when baby comes but she has filled the freezer with her food

I feel awkward in my own home and can't think of anything worse than leaving hospital and having to come to my own home and tiptoe around my MIL.

I can't go and get a bottle of water without a 45minutes conversation or a horror story about childbirth

She is not lonely and has a husband and a family. It's not a cultural thing either we are all from and live in England.

My husband has tried to talk to her but it seems to fall on death ears.

Can someone let me know a way we can let her down gentle and let her know she is welcome whenever but me and my husband would love some space to ourselves before the baby comes and especially once baby is here and for us to learn our own way with the baby?

She's clearly not bothered about helping you if she's not even mucking in now and she'll take over when the baby's born. You watch, you'll be the one running around while she's on the sofa having newborn cuddles.

FFS, tell your DP to grow a pair and tell her to go home first thing tomorrow. Say you want some space as a couple before you become parents and she's welcome to come back for a few days once you're settled back at home after giving birth, you'll let her know when.

She goes or you go to a hotel.

Fuck that shit!!!

You and your husband need to tell her that the arrangement isnt working and you want time to yourselves before baby comes. It will be 100 times worse once baby is here. Get it done now. Tell her that you will welcome SOME occasional help once needed. Good luck

In the nicest possible way , she needs to go now ... this minute .

Get straight to the point with her ... you need your space ... her being there is not helpful .... out now!

I can't believe you're both allowing this .

What a nightmare. Get her out today. You will be so so upset if she is still there when the baby comes. You are never going to get this time back. How can people be so selfish I'm sure she wouldn't have wanted her MIL there when she had her babies.

If you can't get her out go to your parents/sister until she leaves.

So sorry you are going through this. Show this thread to your DH!

I never understand why people want to be subtle with someone who is bulldozing over any conventional boundaries. Do you have parents around OP? If you do I’d go to their house until your DH has her gone

Crumbs, that sounds awful. I don’t think you sound ungrateful.

I agree with others that letting her down gently is unlikely to work. Would an appeal to authority have any effect? “My midwife/Dr suggests my husband and I handle the next couple of months together.”

Change the locks?

Is she lonely at her place?

Is the first grandchild? Either way your DP needs to get her out now. When the baby is here it’ll be 10x harder…

Could you assign her a task so that she does feel positive? Make it clear she is not to continue living at yours but could she please knit you a baby blanket or something?

Please be brave enough to ask her to leave, these first few days are so important and she's going to interfering and ruining it for you all.

If she wants the help the best things she can do are to batch cook for you, leave and then pay for a cleaner.

Can you threaten to move out to your parents?

^ this. Pack a bag for yourself. Take your dh aside. Calmly show him and explain you are leaving. Whether you will come back will depend on whether his mother is still there. Leave. Do not engage in what she says or does next.

Tell her she needs to leave...TODAY...

Are you crazy?! Get her out!! She's squatting with no rights. Ask her son to take her home tonight. Why on earth has this happened without either of you asserting yourselves?!

So your husband is aware that you don’t want her there? But she still is?

What is going to happen otherwise BTW, is you will find yourself trying to sort everything in the house out after the birth, while your MIL sits on the sofa cuddling baby, patronises and criticises everything you do while you're experiencing having a newborn for the first time. I'd lay a significant bet on this.

Fucking hell. What is wrong with some people? I can’t imagine just moving myself into someone else’s house without permission. She’s nuts.
You have to outright tell her she has to leave, you don’t want her in your house.

@TinyTroubleMaker

What is going to happen otherwise BTW, is you will find yourself trying to sort everything in the house out after the birth, while your MIL sits on the sofa cuddling baby, patronises and criticises everything you do while you're experiencing having a newborn for the first time. I'd lay a significant bet on this.

This. Exactly.

You need to get her out now. Tell your husband he needs to get her to leave or you will. He needs to step up now and prioritise his wife and child.

Jesus. Both you and your husband just need to grow a pair and tell her to leave.

How could you let this happen? Why did you let her move in at all?

Pack a bag and tell your husband either he gets rid of her or you're going elsewhere until she's gone. This is on him.

Gentle won't work.

You need to sort this now. Well actually your DH does but if he doesn't I'm afraid you will have to. It will only get worse and you will regret letting her stay for the rest of your life. She will ruin your early precious time with your baby.

Don't let this happen

You sit your husband down and tell him she is gone by 5pm tomorrow or you will be.
If he cant support you now before the baby comes, he definitely wont afterwards.
This is ALL about priorities and you should be his.

Crikey, some MILs are just horrific, aren’t they! OP, I can only agree with all the PPs - you and DH need to present a united front and get this woman out asap.
Normal MILs don’t behave like this. Mine asked if we would like help. She waited til baby arrived, then came on the next train and stayed one week.
During which she did all the shopping, cooking and cleaning, and let me get on with caring for baby, only offering advice if asked for. She was invaluable - as a mother of five, and grandmother of three (eventually ten!), she was hugely experienced. We were utterly grateful for her assistance, especially as I was very anaemic post delivery and puffing for breath even to get up the stairs.

If you have to be kind you can start with 'MiL, thank you so much for your kind offer, BUT...we want to be on our own with our baby. We are about to be parents and we need to find our own way. We will be fine. So it's time for you to go home. Obviously we'll ring you as soon as baby is here' (whether you do or not)

But if you don't do it now, you're stuffed.

Move out, immediately, to family/friends/b&b and tell your husband you won't be coming back until mil has gone, along with all her stuff and her food from your freezer. Then make it clear to DH that if their is EVER a repeat of this (or anything similar) you will leave again and won't be coming back.